your whispers are voiceless

Teddy Bear

Teddy Bear ( o n e - s h o t )

Summary: Niall brings Liam's teddy bear to the cemetery . . .

It was early in the morning, but already Niall felt miserable. His chest was tight, and his insides were heavy. It's been a full year since the devastating accident.

For three hundred and sixty-five days, he had tried to evade the loss, tried to ignore it the best he can. He'd do chores, go to work, eat, sleep and do a whole lot of stuff and pretend as if nothing happened. But the change was there, hanging ominously in the air wherever he went. It wasn't the same. His angel wasn't there anymore.

No one was there anymore to make him laugh or to make him the most amazing french toast ever. There was no one whom he could yell at for eating the last piece of Nando's, or who would comment how awful his cooking was, or who would be so annoying and so caring at the same time it would drive Niall insane.

And now it's time to face the fact for real.

Niall had never been to the cemetery for the past year. He was afraid the grief would get to him and he would collapse on his knees. But he knew he could never evade the pain forever. This was something he had to do.

Tiny dew drops formed on the soft green grass, glinting against the golden sunlight. Tombstones dotted against the vast green field. The grassy smell of morning scented the atmosphere, and the birds chirped about happily.

Niall clutched the caramel-brown teddy bear tighter as he walked. It was a gift from Liam three years ago, on prom night. He had told him to always keep it safe because it dated way back from his childhood. When Niall asked why he was giving him such a valuable possession, he simply smiled.

And Niall did keep it safe. He had kept it in the closet, always checked on it every night to make sure it was still there. This was actually the first time he took it out. He didn't exactly know why he had brought it, it just felt right.

Finally, he reached the tombstone. Every inch of him felt like lead, and he was struggling to keep his breathing steady. He let himself fall to the grassy ground, feet tucked underneath him as he placed the teddy bear on his lap. He carefully laid the flowers in front of the slab of stone.

"I know you're not the greatest fan of flowers, but I brought some anyway," he chuckled weakly. Tears were already stinging his eyes, but he didn't let them fall. He let out a shaky breath instead, and forced a small smile. "So, hey, Li."

There was a moment of silence. It felt as if every word weighed a ton. It was so hard, but Niall knew he had to do this. "You know, I've missed you waking me up at dawn to watch the sunrise. I kow I've always complained for waking me up so damn early, but secretly, I liked it. And your french toast. I was always a tad bit jealous at how you can make food so yummy and delicious. I missed you sending me texts every thirty minutes when I'm not with you to check if I'm okay. Back then, I thought that was really annoying, but now, I'd be willing to give away my two legs to receive even just one text from you. I miss all the fun we had together. I miss you."

He remembered something as he caught a glance of a sycamore tree nearby, and a fond smile appeared on his lips.

"Hey, 'member that tree we used to climb when we were kids? That's where I first met you, wasn't it? I was playing hide and seek with my cousins Harry and Louis then, but I didn't know where to hide. And then you called me from above the tree, and that's where it all started.

"Every afternoon we would sneak out and meet there, talking about how our day had been, about our dreams even. And of course we knew nothing about the future because we were just eight then, but we did know we'll survive s'long as we have each other."