Save Me [Zarry]

Realize

CHAPTER 39:

"We're going in circles. Dizzy's all it makes us, we know where it takes us, we've been before." ~Same Mistakes, One Direction.

Tuesday, 24th December 2013

ZAYN'S POV

My Mum was once more at my bedroom door, pleading at me to come out and talk to her. Why should I though? I know what she'll say. She'll say what Dad had told me. I'm an embarrassment to him. What I am isn't right. I shouldn't be with the guy I love.

Dad was not making an effort like Mum and Doniya were, and I was fucking glad. I'm not a fan of talking to him either right now.

I ignored Mum like usual and turned up the volume on my iPod. My phone had been switched off for days now and I know I'm stupid for worrying my friends like that, for worrying Harry like that. But I'm done now. I'm just fucking done.

I try my hardest to not care about what anyone ever says about me, but I just can't, alright? Everyone has a flaw, so do I. And a big fat one at that. Yeah, my flaw is that I can't stand criticism. I can't stand someone talking shit about me or the ones I love, or not accepting me.

I try to hide it, but I can't. I'm a coward. And that is the precise reason why I'm holed up in my room right now, ignoring very single human being, not caring about my actions.

Of course, I know I'm hurting Harry, he deserves an explanation. But he'll understand. He doesn't deserve a fucked up coward like me. He has let go now, I'm sure. He didn't even come to see if I was okay. Granted, I told him not to, but still.

When it was well past midnight and I was damn sure everyone was asleep for Christmas tomorrow, I sneaked out of my room for some food. Yeah, Christmas, a fucking joyous family occasion. Sure doesn't fell like it though. Never has.

I climbed down the stairs and padded my way across the tiled floor to the kitchen. Opening the fridge, I pulled out some leftover pasta and heated it in the microwave.

"Zayn, is that you?"

Without even waiting to see who it was, I grabbed my plate and started to walk back upstairs.

"Stop right there Zayn, I mean it," I heard Doniya warn. I sighed and turned back to her, but not making eye contact.

"What is wrong with you, Zayn? Why are you hiding out in your room on Christmas?"

"I'm not in a very festive mood," I snapped sarcastically.

Doniya sighed, rubbing her forehead. "Look, just talk to me, alright? Hiding out like this isn't gonna help anyone. And I think I've an idea of what happened that night after you told Mum and Dad."

"What?" I growled.

"I hope to God you didn't break up with Harry. 'Cos then you'll be the biggest arse on the planet!" Doniya all but shouted at me.

"Why the fuck to you care? Why do any of you care?"

Doniya gave me a look of disbelief. "Cause we do care about you. You mean a lot to us. To me, to your friends and to Harry, you twat! Don't go throwing a pity party for yourself 'cos it isn't working! I'm telling you what's best for you, you're hurting yourself and everybody who cares about you by shutting yourself out."

I closed my eyes and looked away, processing my sister's words. She's right. She's absolutely right. I'm hurting the people who care about me, just 'cos something isn't going my way. God, I'm a selfish prick. And it takes me just a fucking second to realize it.