Illegal Love~ Newtmas

The truth in something small

Chapter 34
Newts pov
"I miss you so much. Your advice, hugs and the happiness you brought to me everyday. The day I lost you was the day my depression came. It continues to get worse and worse but I have no one left to care. Mom hates me. I see the look of disappointment on her face that night she found us and I can't get it out of my head. She can't even look me in the eyes. This is the day of my graduation and I don't even know if my own mother will be there.... I should be celebrating with you. I should be happy. This should be one of the best days of my life ever but it's not. Nothing will ever be good again without you. God I miss you so much. I just wanna be with you, I don't wanna be here anymore. Please take me away from all this pain. Please daddy." I cry squeezing the can my fathers ashes lay in.

(A/N SIKE YOU ALL THOUGHT IT WAS @THOMAS)

"Scotts horrible dad. He hurts me some nights when he gets drunk. I know I'm suppose to protect mom, and I'm trying. I'll continue to let him hurt me if it means she's safe, If it means Tommy is safe... But soon, when's she's strong enough, she's gonna have to fight on her own. I know you and Theresa are watching over me everyday but you won't have to soon. Soon I'll be right there with you. And I won't have to feel this pain."
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Thomas's pov
I sit in the cafeteria with my fellow classmates waiting for the graduation ceremony to start, but my mind is anywhere else.

"Come on Thomas, this is your final day of high school. Cheer up for one day." Minho says patting my back.

"He's not here." I whisper looking around frantically.

"He's probably getting ready with Lydia. Stop worrying." Maya says giving me a hug.

But I can't stop worrying. I've been looking around the cafeteria the past hour trying to find Newt but he's no where to be seen. I know it's horrible of me, but all I can think about is the past. He's struggling, I see it so easily in the 2 second glances between us in the hallway. I don't know how his mother doesn't see it, but he's crumbling and I'm scared he's gonna break. And I can't even be there for him. If he... Does something to himself... I'll feel guilty for the rest of my life.

"Thomas!" Minho yells in my face and I snap out of it.

"Huh?"

"I saidddd, Newt is 18 and you turn 18 in a few months. You're graduating high school. Coming a adult. Going to college. Soon it's not gonna matter what your parents think, you can be together. So go out on that stage, smile, take it all in, and kill your valedictorian speech." Minho says giving me a fist bump.

He's right. Me and Newt are forever. No matter what comes in our way or what people think. Cause I'm in love with that boy and I'm gonna make sure the whole world knows in in my valedictorian speech.

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Alisons pov (Newts mom)
"Malia!" I yell, "come here, I need to do your hair."

She comes running into her room and I smile. She's in her beautiful pink sundress, all dressed up for her brothers graduation. Her long brown hair flows behind her and her bright blue eyes shine. I feel an ache in my heart thinking of the resemblance to Theresa but push it away.

"Come sit." I say motioning to her dresser set that comes with a chair and a huge mirror. She takes a seat and I start brushing her hair, getting ready to French braid it.

"Mom." She says and I immediately snap my head up to look at her reflection in the mirror.

"I-I'm so-rry." She hesitates and I shake my head at her.

"It's okay Malia." I smile and she smiles back.

"Alison, will you tell me about newts father?" She asks and now it's my turn to hesitate. Malia is very mature for her age, much like Theresa, so there's really no point in hiding it from her.

"Well... He was an amazing man. I met him when I was in grade 12 and I knew there was something about him. He was always trying to make others life's the best they could be. He was kind, generous, gentle, funny, smart. And we loved each other. Then one day he wanted to have his own kids, and make their life's the best possible. So we had Newt, and then we had his little sister Theresa. No one loved them more then he did. I was always happy with him, never sad... You know that feeling, going down a hill on a roller coaster?"

"I love that feeling!" She smiles.

"Yeah? Well one day you will find someone who makes you feel like that all the time. He made me feel that way every single time I was with him." I say stopping braiding her hair for a moment to think of my dead husband.

"Do you love him more then my daddy?" She asks taking me by surprise. I don't know how to respond at first, but Malia is a smart kid, she'll understand; so I tell her the truth.

"I love your daddy very much Malia, just like I love you and your brother, but nothing beats your first love; and he was mine."

She thinks for a moment. "If you've already felt that feeling, why won't you let Newt and Thomas feel it?"

"What?" I ask confused.

"Newt makes Thomas happy like you said Newts daddy made you happy. Thomas is always really sad without Newt. Before you and Newt came, Thomas never smiled much and then Newt made him happy again. When Newt forgot everything, it was like Thomas forgot how to be happy again. I make Thomas happy sometimes, but never like Newt does...Thomas told me to find someone who always makes me feel like I'm on a roller coaster, like how Newt makes him feel. If you already felt that feeling with Newts dad how come you get to feel it again instead of him? Why won't you let Newt and Thomas have a turn. It's his first love and nothing beats that, right?" She says playing with the Barbie in front of her not even realizing the truth behind every word she said.

It's selfish of me to keep Newt from Thomas just so I'm not alone. All I ever want is for Newt to have that feeling I felt with his father, and he found it, but I'm keeping him from that. I can't believe how brainwashed Scott has me. I'm not even in love with Scott anymore... So why keep Thomas and Newt apart.

"You are right Malia," I saying quickly finishing up her braid, "let's go see your brothers before the ceremony starts." I grab her shoes and take her downstairs. Well I'm grabbing her cardigan out of the closet she speaks up.

"Where's my daddy?" She asks.

"Um, darling, he's not going... He just had... Stuff." I hesitate grabbing her cardigan and then kneel down to put it on her.

"You know, even if my dad and you aren't together, you'll still be my mom." She says and I nod sadly.

"I know babygirl. But just remember that your real mom is always with you, everyday, right here." I say putting my hand on her heart.

"I wish I could have met Theresa... But she's always here with us too." She says putting her hands on mine.