Illegal Love~ Newtmas

The truth behind the lie

Chapter 29
Newts pov
I buried my head into his chest and cried as he held me in his arms. Thomas had came and sat down next to me in the middle of me reading day 150. I never looked up from the letter and when I finished reading it, he was the one who pulled me into his arms as I cried. He never said a word, he just comforted me, he was helping me when he should be pushing me off this roof.

"Why aren't you pushing me off this roof."

He just chuckled and shook his head.

I wanted to talk about the letters but there was something else I wanted to ask first.

"You came home after school..." I say.

"Yeah that's what students do." He laughs again.

"You know what I mean. I know for a fact every person in that cafeteria thought I was going to commit suicide again. When I looked at you, you looked... Calm, not a hint of worry. Did you not care?"

"Nope." He shrugs and.... BOOM, cue the breaking of my heart.

"Becauseeeee, I knew you weren't going to jump. I knew that you would never leave me, not like that, not again." He continues.

I look up into his eyes, a tear was rolling down my face and he wiped it away.

"I would never leave you. I don't care if you hate me with a burning passion, I'm never leaving your side." I say grasping him tighter.

"I don't hate you Newt, never could."

That brings me back to the letters, if everything Thomas wrote in those letters was true... Then he loved me.

"Was everything you wrote in the letters-"

"True?" He interrupted, "yes every single word in those letters was 100% true. Those five months without you were hell Newt, I wanted to commit suicide."

I look away at the last statement and he sighs. He puts his hand on my cheek and turns my face to look at him but I look away again.

"Newt I love you, every single little thing about you. And I know you love me too. I don't care how selfish this is, I want to be with you, even if I was the reason you jumped, I want to fix that, I want you back." He says but I continue looking away.

"I will never forgive myself for what I did to you." I whisper.

"And I'll never forgive myself for being the reason you jumped off that bridge." He replied.

My head snapped towards him, "That was not your fault, don't you dare blame yourself for that."

"Yeah well it wasn't your fault either. There was so many things that added up to that lie and I'm part of the blame too."

I started to cry again and he intertwined our fingers well I cried on his shoulder.

"I want to be with you, but a relationship won't work with guilt. So we forget it. I don't blame myself for anything and you don't blame yourself for anything, all of the stuff that happened is forgotten. We start over."

"I don't think I can..."

"You can. You can if you really want to be with me."

Why was I making this so hard? I'm the one that ruined Thomas's life and he's begging me to go back with him. This is what I wanted, I wanted forgiveness, and he's giving it to me. He's giving me a fresh start.

"I want to be with you Thomas, I love you." I say kissing him.

Our lips moved in sync and I could've melted. I only had to live 2 months without his kiss and I missed it liked crazy, he's waited 5 months for this. 5 months without Thomas would drive me insane, how could I do that too him... I have to stop thinking like this. If we want this to work, we really have to forgive ourselves.

The kiss started to get heated and Thomas pulled away.

"Woah newt, simmer down, I don't want my first time to be on a roof." He laughs.

"First time." I gasp.

"Yeah? Is that a problem...."

"NO! No not at all, it will be my first time too, I just figured because you are perfect someone would have...never mind" I stop and he laughs. I missed his laugh. Gosh I just missed everything!

"Let's go inside." He says pecking my lips.

I nod grabbing the letters; the reason I have my love back.