W e a k n e s s [Peterick AU] - #Wattys2016

#29- " D o I t "

[This might be a little triggering, so be careful while reading it, thanks. Warned you.]

Pete's POV

After that night, I didn't hear anything else from Patrick... until he came, three days later, knocking on my door.

"Patrick! I texted you a few times but you didn't reply- are you okay?"

Not a word.

"Patrick?", I repeated leaning towards him. His face was blank and pale and he had begs under his eyes, it looked like he hadn't slept for ages.

"Hey, buddy, what's wrong?"

His mouth trembled as he finally spoke: "My uncle has been arrested"

"Oh..."

"... he... raped Liza"

"Oh, my God", I muttered in shock.

"S- she said she's moving to another city, far from here... what can I do now?"

"I... I honestly don't know, babe. Come in, sit with me and tell me everything"

I tried to make him feel comfortable as I begged him to settle in.

"Also", he continued "she's getting extremely poor thanks to that asshole of my uncle and she used to help me pay my house rent. But now... I don't know what's going to happen. I don't know if I'll be able to maintain my house without her, and I'm honestly worried for Liza, for Fred, for myself... I- I feel alone, Pete, where am I gonna end up?"

As I instinctively put my arms around him, I saw his eyes watering.

"Where am I gonna end up, Peter?", he sobbed uncontrollably while I was rubbing his back softly. Once again I couldn't help but feel my heart warm up at his words as I held him tight. He was like a soft teddy bear: you can't deny he's the most adorable human ever.

"Things are gonna get better"

"How?", he cried, his face was fully buried in my chest, causing his voice to sound muffled.

"You're not alone; we'll find a solution, together. If you can't maintain your house, you can come live with me, I'll look for a job so that I'll earn more and I'll provide for you"

"I had promised Liza I would have taken care of her, and that didn't happen... I'm so selfish"

"No, Trick. You're honestly the most amazing human being I've ever known; you won't give up, I'm sure about that, you're a strong guy. That situation was pretty complicated, and I'm afraid to say that sometimes things can't change how you want them to"

"Thanks, Pete", he mumbled as I felt his tears spilling on my shirt "That's why you're not like Dallon. He stayed with me until I told him I was depressed. Then he left me... I mean, n- not completely, but... we weren't friends like before at some point, because he only... s- stayed with me when I felt- or I looked- slightly happier. When you saw my cuts you didn't leave; maybe because you have gone through the same things, maybe because you understood. The important thing is you didn't leave. You're the only one that's still trying to help despite everything. P- please, don't ever leave me"

I sighed nervously at his last beg, then tried to calm him down by intertwining my fingers with his hair.

"I'm here for you"

"Thanks", he repeated sniffling back tears.

***

I still hated how everything was turning out. All the pain, all the guilt... it was terrible and too much to handle. I had offered Patrick to stay the night, not only because I didn't like him being at home alone in those conditions... but also because that could've been the last time I had the chance to see his face, before doing what he had refused to do many days before.

I hadn't actually burnt everything. I still had a gun.

I didn't sleep that night, as always. Actually, I had tried at first, but woke up soon later, after one of my usual, awful nightmares.

"Do it; and everything will end"

I glanced one last time at the boy sleeping next to me to slowly crawl out of bed ad subsequently let myself into the lounge.

"No pain, no guilt, no worries"

I grabbed my gun, my hands slippery because of the sweat.

"You'll erase your sins and memories"

I cautiously handled the gun and slowly pointed it to my right temple.

"All of this won't matter, once you're gone; it'll stop existing, like it was all a dream"

I closed my eyes.

"It's all up to your finger"

I was scared.

"You just have to pull the trigger"

But it was for everyone's sake. Even for Patrick's.

"He'll be better without you"

No. He wouldn't be better without me. Not now that he needed me.

"Do it"

I tried not to scream as my hand started shaking, still holding the weapon tightly. What was playing inside my head? I was a psychopath.

"Leave me alone!", I hissed silently, gnashing my teeth, my breath getting heavier second by second.

"It doesn't feel good, dying. It doesn't feel good for anyone. It's the biggest mistake a human could do", Patrick's voice rumbled through my head. Patrick. If there was something to live for, that was Patrick. He needed me, and leaving him like that could be worse than telling him the whole truth. He was my spark of light.

I dropped the gun.

Taking a deep breath, I tried to stop shaking uncontrollably and, panting, listened to my own breathing.

I should try to sleep.

***

The next morning, after breakfast, Patrick sat on the couch and let out a long sigh.

"You don't feel like going to work today, am I right?"

He nodded, looking like he was about to break down for the second time: "I have to go, though"

"Come on, babe", I patted him on the shoulder "Come over for dinner, I'll prepare some nice meal for you"

"Thank you", he cracked a sad smile and lowered his head before grabbing his jacket and fedora.

"Smile, you're beautiful", I straightened his hat on his head and kissed him.

"So are you", he giggled and flushed before stepping into the cold, damp air.

***

I didn't know if to tell Patrick about my almost attempted suicide or not; maybe a lot later, the poor thing was already upset because of his uncle, I didn't want to add even more drama to his life. And I'd let him down if I told him, anyway...

Also I didn't like that we constantly felt like someone was watching everything we did. I needed to find out more as soon as possible. After picking up my phone, I scrolled down the news and almost had a heart attack when I glimpsed a huge picture of Gerard. He had been caught with the others. Looked like Fredericks was finally in trouble; maybe it was really possible to make Patrick get out of all that crap, but, on the other hand, I was in extreme danger. 

My ringtone brought me back to reality: it was Brendon.

"Hello?", I said; I got no response, but I could feel Brendon's presence on the other line; I heard his breath shaking.

"Bren?", I repeated, my voice cracking in concern.

"I- I don't know what happened exactly, but come here right now"

"What? Brendon, I can't-"

"It's Patrick"

[You know I love you all, right?]