The Young In Our Veins (Ryden)

Chapter 9

**Brendon's POV**

How could he not fucking tell me about this?! It's not like its something that could so easily slip your mind. What would have happened if we had sex? Would I have got it too?

At first I was okay with it, sort of. I was happy he told me before things got to heated. Now I saw why he retreated for so long. We slept together again. Nothing out of the ordinary. I did love holding him at night. Gave me a sense of purpose. I got to thinking though, how could I be with a guy with AIDS? How did I manage to find such a perfect guy and he has fucking AIDS.

I got up really early and did my best not to wake Ryan. Then I drove to Sarah's.

Sarah was my therapist when I was younger. I used to be bullied really badly. Sarah and I became good friends and I continued to go to her when I needed help even after I stopped seeing her regularly.

I pounded on her door. I don't care that it was ten in the morning. I need her quite desperately right now. The dark haired woman opened the door and frowned when she saw me. Glad to see you too. "Brendon what are you doing-" I push past her and send my fingers through my hair.

"Sarah, what would you do if you found out this guy you were really really into had AIDS?" I spit out.

"Well I'd probably stay with him depending on how much I liked him."

"But then we can't have sex!" I yell out, plopping down on Sarah's couch.

"Well a relationship isn't all about sex Brendon." She sighs. "I'm guessing that's why you're here." I nod, throwing my head back in frustration. "What's his name?" She asks, taking a seat next to me.

"Ryan..."

"Tell me about him."

"Well I met him about a week ago."

"A week into your relationship and you're already this conflicted over him?!"

"Just let me talk okay?!" She nods. "Anyway... He comes into the bakery everyday for a Boston Cream. The first time he walks in, I'm instantly attracted to him. He's really tall. Rather skinny. But he has these gorgeous brown eyes." Sarah watches me closely, taking in my every word.

"Thought you didn't like brown eyes."

"His eyes are different, but that's besides the point Sarah."

"Okay okay, continue on with his appearance. I wanna feel like I know this kid when were done."

"He's got really soft brown hair and the cutest nose. Don't even get me started on his smile. But that's really not what made me like him so much. It's when I got to talking to him that intrigued me so much. He has this wall built up around him, but somehow he's let me in. He's so defensive towards practically everyone and then when it comes to me he's so open. He's shy, but everything he says holds so much meaning."

"Hmm... Why does he act this way to you only Brendon? What did you do?" She eyes me suspiciously, like I've brain washed him to trust me or something. Bitch, I'm just that good, I don't know!

"I might be cause I saved him. From this guy Adam. He was trying to rape Ryan and I umm... I came in, tore him off Ry and kicked his ass."

"That very well could be. He feels safe around you. Have you guys been intimate at all?" Sarah is in shrink mode now. Jesus.

"Ah.. Yeah. We've kissed."

"I know there's more than that. I can tell by the blush on your cheeks."

"Well I mean this one time we took a shower together and we kind of washed each other. He's been staying with cause I was worried that guy would come back and um.. we share a bed and I sleep naked so..."

"Is there anything else? Like anything at all that would make Ryan feel special?" I think hard and nothing I've really done seems all that special. Then it hits me.

"I sang to him. I sang him Hello, Goodbye cause he was sad."

"Does he love you?"

"Not that I know of, no."

"What about you? Do you love him?"

"I don't think so... I mean, I think I could fall in love with him, but I don't know... Not after all this." Sarah shakes her head and frowns. "What?!"

"I think you're head over heels for him, Bren."

"No I'm not!"

"That's why you're here right now! If you didn't feel something toward him you wouldn't be here! You would've told him to get out right then and there. No questions asked, but no! You're here now, going on and on about how perfect this boy is! You love him Brendon! Wether you like it or not."

"I do not Sarah! In fact, I'm gonna go home right not to tell him to pack his shit up and go." I storm out of the house and speed towards my apartment.

•••

"Ryan! I'm sorry, but you need to leave!" I yell as I burst through the front door. When no one responds, I go to the bedroom to see if he's sleeping. "Ryan?"

He's not here. All his stuff is gone. He left. "Well... I guess made things easier on me." I sigh. I drop my keys onto the counter and notice a sheet of paper with words on it. Did he leave me a note? "This may be an after thought, but after all the luck was gone, so was your interest in me. I was suspicious and naive." I read aloud. These are lyrics. He must of left them here. I continue to read the lyrics. A simple kiss. "I'm stuck in love..." I whisper. He's in love with me? But... I thought... Why didn't he tell me?

It doesn't matter though. I'm not in love with him and he's gone and I'm happy I didn't have to kick him out. I would have hated to see him sad again. Especially because of me.

I sigh loudly and set down on the couch with the lyrics in hand. He left his donut. My frown deepens. "Well are you happy God?" I ask. "This is what you give me for a life?"

I grab my guitar and start strumming notes to go with Ryan's words. I lightly hum the tune and write the fingerings on a separate piece of paper. I turn the sheet over and another song is on the back. This ones called "Behind The Sea." I read over it and smile. This must have been when Ryan was his smiling stage. That's what I called it. He couldn't resist smiling the whole day. It was very cute. This song his so happy, like he was... Until I broke his heart. I look to the corner of the sheet. It says, "We're forbidden fruit, from the garden of sins. A bite of my heart and the world begins." I told Sarah that everything he said had a powerful message behind it and after reading all of this I know I was right about one thing, but wrong about another.

Ryan's changed my life.

And I need him.

(AN: There ya have it! Brendon's POV... It was actually slightly easier writing from a different perspective this time, but I won't happen often. What'd you think of Sarah? Anyway, I was really proud of myself cause I came up with the forbidden fruit line and I was like, "THAT'S GOING IN A FUCKING SONG BITCHEZ!" Lol comment and vote! Much love <3)