The Treasure Chest

Rant: My Family is a Joke

Still done with life, so still cussing.

I know what a family is supposed to be. A group of blood-related people living under the same roof, that support and love each other. Love being a key factor in a family.

So someone please tell me, what the fuck is this assortment of four people living in the same house? Are we blood related? Last I checked, yes. Do we share the same last name? Aside from my mother, yes. Are we legally defined as a family? Yes.

However...

Do we support each other other? No. Do we trust each other? Nope. Do we all gather in one room and eat dinner and hold decent conversations with each other? No. Can we even stand being in the same house as each other for too long? Nopity nope. Do we love each other? From actions over words, oh hell no.

I don't get it. I have both parents and a sibling. Never had to suffer through a parent's divorce, although I'm not sure whether I would prefer if they did split or not. I have it off so much better than some other people. And yet I can't help but feel as if I'm lacking a family under this roof. I don't know where my family went. I don't know if I ever even had one.

Where are the people that were supposed to teach me through example what love is? Lunging at each other's throats, screaming at each other and throwing plates around, that's where. Where's my older brother who's supposed to teach me cool stuff and be by my side as we fight the parents? Stationed in front of a screen playing games and watching mature content. Where's the people that smile at each other in a picture? Each in separate rooms, listening to music or watching movies. Where's the family gathered around the round dinner table, laughing and conversing over a wonderful meal? Avoiding each other at all costs and ignoring each other when called. Where's the people that I should have grown up being able to trust with anything? Reading through my messages and stalking me throughout school, lying to me and yelling at me for lying to them.

There's definitely something missing in my childhood. Someone was supposed to teach me right from wrong, and no one did (no one I turned out like I did...). Someone is supposed to bake cookies and cinnamon buns with me on lazy Saturday mornings, instead she's sleeping in after watching dramas up to two in the morning. Someone was supposed to take me to parks and throw a ball back and forth will me, instead he's bootlegging fucking porn that he thinks I don't notice. Someone was supposed to understand me as a fellow teen, instead he's a mute rock with no emotions. Someone was supposed to buy me my favorite foods from after-school fundraisers, or give me money so I could, instead my friends are filling in with their own money. Someone was supposed to come into my room at night and make sure I went to sleep feeling loved, instead I go to sleep hoping I never wake up. Someone was supposed to build my self-confidence and make me believe that I could actually do shit, instead I was broken down piece by piece as I grew up and am now expected to build a fucking empire after my foundation was torn apart.

What the hell is this mess? Where are my loving, supportive parents? Where's my funny brother and playmate? Who the fuck are these people living in the same house as me? It's like none of us even know each other anymore, and I'm pretty sure not one of them could name my favorite color. Well, maybe my brother, if he still gives a fuck. 

My "family" isn't even a family anymore, and it's just a big giant joke of destiny. "Oh hey, look, these people will all hate each other! Shall we put them into the same household? Why, I think yes."

It happens in movies too, but I've waited nearly five years and I still haven't gotten that magical dire-situation-calls-for-apologies-and-making-up solution yet. Instead, the hate just grows, mutes for a little bit, then comes back in a giant swoop and knocks us all down again.

I don't know when or if we'll ever be a family again. I don't even know if we ever were, or if that was all a lie. I don't even know why we ended up all together in the first place. I don't know anything anymore. All I do know is that I would do anything if I could just be given parents like Dr. Hiluluk or Bellmere or Hades or Rouge. Parents that would do anything to make their child happy. Be a criminal and a pirate, screw it! I'm a Marine Vice Admiral but if you want to go be a pirate, I'll still be proud of you all the way as I hunt you down! Do what you want, be happy, love yourself, keep living!

Where were the people that were supposed to raise me on that advice, not "get A-s or I no love you"?

*sighs* If only fictional characters were real... I would kill myself if afterlife was being reborn into the One Piece world.

"This may be kind of rude to you guys... but I was always 'alone' even though I had parents." -Sabo, Ch. 585