Can Guys and Girls Be Just Friends?
Here's a question you might be itching to ask . . .
Is it possible for Christian guys and girls to be just friends?
It is wise to protect your heart and the hearts of others in all situations, including your friendships.
I am not talking about the kind of guy/girl relationship where you say you're "just friends" while you secretly pine for one another or a friendship riddled with flirtations and innuendoes. Tugging each other's heartstrings under the guise of friendship is a bad idea. But what about honest to goodness platonic friendship? Is it wise for a Christian girl (or guy for that matter) to be friends with members of the opposite sex?
Just like our relationships, the answer to this question is fairly layered. I can't say all girl/guy friendships are a great idea, and I can't say that they're all a mistake. To some degree it depends on the specific guy and girl involved. But God's Word does provide some parameters to help us think this through.
What Did Jesus Do?
Jesus had female friends. Mary and Martha are mentioned several times in Scripture. Jesus went to their house. They called for Him when their brother, Lazarus, died, and He came to be their comforter.
In John 11:5 we read, "Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus."
Mary Magdalene was also Jesus' friend. She spent a lot of time with Jesus. Like a good friend, she cared for His needs when He faced the crucifixion (Matt. 27:55-56). She was among the first to visit His tomb after He died (Matt. 28:1), and she was among the first to see Him resurrected (Matt. 28:9-10). Mary was a faithful friend.
If we're looking for a general stamp of approval for friendships with the opposite gender, we can find it in the example of Jesus. But that's not the end of the discussion.
Proceed with Caution!
True, Jesus had female friends, but His closest friends were men. He spent the bulk of His time with the twelve disciples and even more time with His three closest friends, Peter, John, and James. When it came to His most intimate friendships, Jesus proceeded with caution.
Proverbs 12:26 gives this warning, "A righteous man is cautious in friendship, but the way of the wicked leads them astray."
It is wise to be cautious in friendship. When it comes to girl/guy friendships, friendship can merge into romance without much warning. It is wise to protect your heart and the hearts of others in all situations, including your friendships.
My husband and I have a long-standing rule that we don't spend time alone with members of the opposite sex. I have friends who are guys and my husband has friends who are girls, but we simply don't spend time alone with them. This is our method for being cautious in friendship (and protective of our marriage). As single girls, you may not need the same boundary, but it is wise to put some parameters on your friendships with guys.
Knowing When to Zip It
Specifically, it's important to think through what you will and will not discuss with your guy friends.
Proverbs 10:19 says, "When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise."
Just as there is wisdom in cautiously choosing our friends, the Bible points to the perks of knowing what not to say. There are some topics that should only be discussed with your girlfriends.
I cringe every time I hear about a girl who gushes about her crushes and heartbreaks to her best guy friend. It may be tempting to get a guy's perspective on romance, but I don't think it's a good way to protect your heart (or his). There are other topics that require discretion and should be off the table for guy/girl conversations. The short list includes: fantasies about the future, past sexual behaviors, and periods. As a general rule, if you don't want to talk about it with your dad, don't talk about it with your guy friends.
Philippians 4:8 says, "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things."
Make sure that the conversations and behaviors you are bringing in to your friendships with guys are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, and praiseworthy.
Keeping It Real
Proverbs 17:17 tells us that "a friend loves at all times."
True friendship is as much about loving and caring for others as it is about being loved. Real friends care for each other when the going gets tough and point each other toward a closer walk with Christ.
True friendship is as much about loving and caring for others as it is about being loved.
If your guy friends meet these criteria, great! But too often I see young women surrounding themselves with guy "friends" for all the wrong reasons. There is something exciting about being surrounded by a group of guys, isn't there? Even if they are just our "friends," we tend to feel better about ourselves if a guy (or two) likes us and wants to spend time with us. And even more often we claim to be "just friends" with a guy while we're secretly doodling his name in all our notebooks, hoping the relationship will evolve. Those kind of guy/girl friendships are destined for a crash and burn.
With that in mind, what do you think?
Can guys and girls be just friends without compromise?
Do you have some great guy friends?
Article from: Lies Young Women Believe
