Infatuated (Unedited)

Chapter 23

After supper and Anna's attempts to fatten me as Nicolas put it, I found my way upstairs to the bedroom that was to be ours. Closing the door behind me I rested against it, breathing out slowly in hopes that my nerves would soon follow--blow away and let me be. Yet that is not the case. My eyes fall upon the bed that I am to share with my new husband and the talk I had with mother comes back to mind. It is still my wedding night and I am to allow Nicolas to have my body.

The thought of that terrifies me, not because of who it is to be done with but the act itself. Mother told me of pain and discomfort and that it is not for a wife to deny her husband anything he desires. She called it 'love making' but is that what is really is? Most girls don't marry for love so when they are giving their bodies to arranged husbands, how often is love a part of it?

I care for Nicolas. So much more now that I've had the chance to see inside his heart. No man that I've ever seen has treated his servants the way that he does and that calls to me. Speaks to my heart in ways that can't be explained. When he got up from the supper table and gathered our dirty plates from Anna's hands, it shocked me to see him go into the kitchen and wash them himself. She stood over his shoulder scolding him in Spanish but he just smiled at her perfectly, glancing over his shoulder at me as she tapped his hands. That right there told me that the man I'd come to know as my friend would still and forever be that man even with the title of husband.

Going to my bag I pulled out the long nightgown Mother said she packed for me. It was sheer with lace trim on the top and bottom that flowed down to my feet. Quickly I stripped out of my clothes, replaced them with the gown and sat on the foot of the bed to wait for Nicolas' arrival.

The silence was getting the best of me. My nerves were filling me with jitters that I foolishly thought I could shake off. I kept smoothing out wrinkles in the gown that weren't even there and after a while decided it would be smart to let my hair down. Men like that, don't they? When a woman has her hair down?

The strap of my gown kept slipping off my shoulder and each time I pushed it back up it fell again. I was so into fussing over the flimsy piece of lace that I had not noticed when the door opened and Nicolas stepped in. When I did, he was leaning in the doorway, looking at me with a slight smile, obviously liking this view. Ungracefully I stood with my hands clasped together in front of me and that damned strap hanging off my shoulder.

He walked to me slowly never dropping his eyes from mine as he slipped his hands into my hair. Brining my head up he lowered his until our lips were leveled and pressed together in a soft comfortable kiss. This is the first for me--for us. At the wedding he kissed the corner of my lips just as he did the day I learned that he was to be the man that took my hand so having it now in the privacy of our bedroom dulls my fears a little.

I didn't know what to do with the hands at my sides so I slowly brought them up to his waist and held on to the loose fabric of his clean white shirt. Mother telling me that it would be a nice gesture to undress him floated back into my mind and with our lips still together I moved my hands over toward the buttons. Starting at the bottom I making my way up until our arms brushed and my nerves came back.

The kiss was broken then but rather than making me feel like I did something to cause it, he undid the rest of the buttons on his shirt revealing a very sculpted chest and stomach. I've never seen this much of a man before, aside from the frail dirt covered slaves they have working in the marketplace. A strange feeling settled in the pit of my stomach that took on a flapping as if whatever it is has wings. I've never wanted to touch a man before and never been so scared in my life.

With his shirt gone, he closed the distance between us until our lips connected again. He was gentle. Oh so gentle that I found myself loving the way it feels already. The feeling increased as he pulled my body against his allowing me to feel the heat from him and all that separated our flesh was my gown. Through my nerves I went to work on the clasp of his trousers. It all didn't become real to me until they hit the floor with a plop and he was actually standing before me in nothing.