Infatuated (Unedited)

Chapter 18

I sat in the front of the window of my bedroom taking in what would more than likely be my very last time enjoying my favorite view. The tree I loved to sit under and watch the sky change for mid-day to night would sit lonely without me. The large pond that sits in front of it would no longer have my hands to cause it ripples. The ducks that landed could no longer rely on my scraps of bread to fight over.

Not even a full day after the news of my availability my father got offers and had accepted one--a bid that would ensure that my parents would never have to be concerned with losing their land ever again. I spent that night and most of the morning after, crying until my eyes were sore and I was too weak to move.

Three days. All they were giving me was three days to say good-bye to everything I'd come to know and love. To get used to being stuck in a house bare-foot and pregnant until my childbearing years came to an end.

Father came to me that night with a bowl of meat stew and bread. I refused to acknowledge his presence until he sat beside me on my bed caressing my tear stained cheeks. I looked to him noticing the tears in his eyes and had I not used up all of mine, I'm sure I would have joined him. He promised me this wouldn't happen--that he wouldn't marry me off but yet he was. Like cattle, I was being sold in order for him to keep his land. I understood his reasons and knew there was no other choice but that didn't mean it hurt less.

"Pardonnez-moi." He placed a kiss on my forehead then walked out, leaving me with even more need to cry. I hadn't once considered what he might be feeling through all this and the fact that he asked me to forgive him made it clear that he was just as upset as I. Father coming to me somehow brought me a little peace and broke me out of my saddened state. I would never be happy being a wife against my will but I will not complain either. Life has always been full of things people don't want and I would be no different.

Pushing out of my chair I made my to the dress Mother made for me. It was her's but now is cut and shaped to fit and please my future husband. Not a husband but a master. That title and it's true meaning made my chest feel tight, heavy, and slowed my breathing. I promised to be strong about this, to deal with it like a woman but the idea of being caged in for the rest of my life sinks in yet again and I need out.

I ran through the house, bursting through the back door as if the hounds of hell were hot on my heels. Half the distance to the old willow tree--my tree--I kicked off my shoes needing this one last time. Just once more I needed to feel the wind move freely over my skin, the grass fan against my feet, my spirit untamed and happy.

I held out my arms as a gust brushed over me, tears trying to make their way to the surface. Not matter how much I tell myself that I can handle this, the truth is I can't. Collapsing onto the soft earth I let my emotions get the best of me--sobbing so loud that I could no longer hear my heart breaking within me nor did I hear the person approaching.

When a gentle hand lay across my back I jumped up quickly not caring that whoever was with me would see how unhappy I was until I saw his face. It looked pained as if it were mirroring my own and with us being friends, it wasn't hard to understand why. With the backs of my fingers I wiped my eyes clear of my tears as if that should somehow make him forget that he'd seem that weak side of me since this could very well be the last time I see him as well.

For a few moments he said nothing and just watched me try to right myself. Then, he closed the distance between us taking the pure white cloth from his breast pocket and gently dragged it over my left cheek. It was only then that I noticed how he was dressed. It was a formal attire like the one he was clothed in the day he saved me from those men as I bathed in the hot spring. His long hair wasn't windblown like I was used to seeing it, and his demeanor wasn't as playful either.