I'm trying o.k?

Chapter 9

Phil's pov:

I couldn't take my eyes of Dan. He hadn't said a word since I told him I wanted to be with him. Slowly he walked to the bed and laid down under the covers next to me, with caution I l rested me head against his chest and felt him put his arm around me. He may not say anything but right now this is all I needed.

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Dan's pov:

I woke up to see natural lighting flooding in from the windows. This isn't my room. I felt a weight on my shoulder and looked down to see Phil curled against me. Never had I considered he might like me, let alone believe that he didn't care if I thought he deserved better. Right now it was just a relief that I could watch him sleeping in my arms without panicking that he was my friend and I should love him.

After 10 minutes of smiling down at a sleeping Phil I wriggled out of bed to make us coffee. He rolled over as I stood up and continued dreaming peacefully.

The kettle boiled and I poured out two mugs of coffee when I felt arms snake around my waist from behind. When they were wrapped the whole way round I felt Phil's shoulders drop and heard a slight sigh. Crap he can feel how skinny I am. I wanted to hit myself for being so stupid, of course having Phil closer to me would mean he would notice more.

"Let's have breakfast." He said quickly as I spun around to give him coffee making him let go of my waist.

Phil opened the cupboard and took out my favorite cereal which I couldn't believe he hadn't eaten by now. He saw my surprise and laughed at me.

"No I didn't touch them." He giggled as he poured us both a bowl and we sat down at the table. I starred at the bowl then looked up at him, he nodded reassuringly and I began to munch on the first thing I had eaten in a while.

When we were done Phil kissed me on the nose and cleared away the dishes before sitting himself on the counter. "What do you want to do?"

"Watch a movie?"

"Yeah o.k. How about we stay in today and maybe tomorrow we could go to the cinema?"

"That sounds good. Do you want to start with spirited away?"

"Of course! I love that film." He beamed and excited smile and ran into his room carrying out the DVD and his duvet. "Come on!" He shouted from the lounge.

I followed him in and sat down on the sofa under the covers with him. Once again he snuggled into me and we sat happily watching one of our beloved anime's.

It wasn't long before Phil's hand that had been resting on my chest began moving over my body, he began tracing over my collar bones, sending chills down my spine. I had a jumper on today but it was thinner than usual as I gad slept in it and Phil could clearly through my bones through the material.

"Dan?"

"Mmm?"

"Do you know how much weight you've lost?" I looked down at him, fighting the urge to run away."It's just, you have to understand because you wear baggy jumpers to hide it all the time but, do you know it's bad?"

"It's not... it's not that bad."

"Dan I can feel you collar bones. I can see how much weight you've lost from your face and earlier I could feel it when I hugged you."

"Well yeah... but it doesn't matter. Not really." and there it was, the phrase I had so often repeated to myself. I had convinced myself so many times that eating wasn't important and that I would never be good enough. Less food meant less weight and less weight meant less me. Death wasn't too much of a problem, if I died I died.