I'm trying o.k?

Chapter 1

Dan's pov:

Get up. I repeated to myself over and over. I had been lying in bed for an hour since I woke up and knew I couldn't stay here forever.

As I swung myself out of bed I felt a sharp pain in my arm as I reached for my phone, then my lip as I bit into it, cursing myself. My hand moved up to hold it's opposing arm and I walked towards the bedroom door. Once I was in the hallway I dropped my hand away from my arm and rolled my head so my neck clicked, well at least that was satisfying.

Phil was standing in the kitchen of the apartment we shared, a couple of years ago I had met him and we became friends and moved in together. Friends. I was a lousy friend, wallowing in self pity all the time and barely going out. Loving him was a problem too. He didn't love me back, couldn't love me back, so I never told him because it was better if he didn't know. I knew that he deserved better and telling him would make things awkward, especially since he wasn't even gay.

I perched on one of the stools at the breakfast bar with my elbows on the table and hand running through my scruffy hair. It wasn't quite at hobbit form since I had fallen asleep with it straight. Phil turned round to me and passed me a mug of coffee.

"Thanks." I smiled, it faltered a bit when I stretched out my arm to take the mug but I dipped my head down before Phil could see it.

When I heard Phil talking I quickly snapped back into reality, he seemed to be reciting a dream from last night. "...and then this lion jumped in front of me, and it was really scary because I thought he was going to eat me, but instead he saved me from this huge dinosaur that really was going to eat me." I couldn't help but giggle at how huge his eyes got when he was excited. Huge blue eyes that I could watch forever...

Damn it Dan stop it! You can't think about Phil like this it isn't fair.

"Dan?" He laughed as I blinked into focus "You zoned out again, I don't blame you it's still morning and we both know you suck before, well the afternoon."

My lips jerked up at the corners when Phil laughed again, I really had fallen for him and my heart sunk lower every time I thought about it. I stood up.

"Wanna simultaneously browse the internet and and have the t.v playing in the background?" with coffee in one hand and phone in the other I took a step towards the door.

"Of course."

We made our way to the lounge and sunk onto the sofa with our feet on the coffee table, a awful yet irresistible habit.

Thirty minutes later and Phil nudged me "Why don't you ever date anyone?"

Shit. Oh shit, what do I say?

I looked over at his laptop to see some mushy relationship post. This must have spurred on his question. Before I could respond he continued rambling.

"I mean I never date either so it's not like I'm judging you, just wondered. Personally I'm too lazy and can't be bothered with the fuss, I mean, if I met a girl and knew I liked her I would date her but I wouldn't look for someone to date just for the sake of it, you know?"

"Yeah I think I'm the same, with exaggeration to the lazy part."

We sat there laughing, comparing how lazy we both were when I won through still being in my pj's. Phil loved his cute jumpers and socks too much to stay in pj's. Today he had a fox jumper and pug socks, they were some of his favorites, it was tragic that I knew this.