Change Is Yesterday.

Chapter 23: We Should Know Better, But We Won't Let Go.

CONNIE'S P.O.V.

Hearing yelling from the front lounge, made me wake up.I groaned, this bus was too small, I could hear every word said, no matter where I was. I couldn't really complain, I was here with Alex, and that's all that mattered to me. Just thinking about him brought a huge smile to my face, I couldn't help the warm feeling I got whenever his name was mentioned. 

Bringing me out of my reverie, Jack burst through my curtain, blocking out the rest of the bus, with tears streaming down his face. My heart broke at the sight of him. He headed straight for me, his head nuzzling in the crook of my neck. All I could do was wrap my arms around him and rock him, to try and calm him down. He was hysterical.

"Jack baby, shh. It's okay darlin'. It's okay." 

He looked up at me, his huge brown eyes glistened. "How do you know? How can it be?!" Tears burst out of their confinement and rushed down his cheeks.

"Hey, hey. Shh now. It will be okay. I know it."

"You don't even know what's wrong." His voice muffled by my chest. He did have a point, I wascompletely taken by surprise.

"Enlighten me." He sat up and positioned himself so he was facing me cross-legged. He stared at me for a minute, and I just stayed silent, letting him prepare himself.

"I'm confused." He looked down at his twiddling thumbs, he always did that when he was uncomfortable and had something really hard to say. A minute went by, yet he stayed silent.

"It seems like you're more than confused, but I'll play along. Go on, why are you confused?" I prompted him.

"I think I'm in love, and have been for a while now." He was determined to avoid all eye contact with me. This was weird.

"And that's a bad thing? Jack, you're not really giving me much. Just tell me everything for God's sake. I feel like I'm on a treasure hunt and I have to follow the bloody clues." I knew I shouldn't get snappy with him, especially because he was upset, but he was being really vague. 

His head gradually turned up to face me, his hands had begun to tremble. What was wrong with him? "You really want to know?" His eyes warned me, encouraging me to say no. All of a sudden I felt like I didn't want to know what had been causing him so much pain, but I knew I had to.

"Of course I do Jack! We're best friends, I want to know what's wrong." His face dropped at the word 'friends'. It wasn't me he was in... No, it couldn't be me. It couldn't.

He took a deep breath an looked me directly in the eyes. "I'm in love with you. And I think I have been for a while. But then I like Sian and I know we'd be good together if we gave it a chance. Then you're with Alex, and you're happy; I just can't make you choose." He stopped, not sure what else he could say. Staring at my frozen body he put a warm hand on my knee, I took it off my knee and put it on my cheek and held it there.

I stared into his eyes and I saw the pain in them, the torment he'd been going through, the many sacrifices he's made for things that wouldn't benefit him. He was such a good person, he deserved someone who could really love him back. And Sian could well be that person, I saw the sparksbetweeen them, they were a cute couple. I knew she would look after him for me.

But I couldn't think about Sian now, all I could feel was me and him, alone. That's when I leaned toward him pressing my lips against his. Once he'd gotten over the initial shock, his needs took over and he pushed back against me, our bodies touching in as many places as possible. His hands found their way all over my back, pressing me even closer. I knew this was all he wanted, and I owed him this much. 

Pushing me down so he was hovering over me, his hands found their way to the bottom of my t-shirt and he started slowly lifting it up. I didn't even resist, I let him do whatever he wanted. I hadn't even realised he was halfway through taking my pants down having already removed his before he stopped. He dragged himself off me so he was sat cross legged with his head in his hands. I sat up and pulled his hands down. I drew his lips up to mine again, craving more of him.

He was hesitant, but grabbing his hands and putting them on my knicker line, all his reservations disappeared. Pushing me down again, so I was laid on my back, he started kissing down my neck and across my chest. Pulling in a sharp breath, he moaned again. He knew exactly what he wanted, and I was more than willing to give it to him. He slowly began to pull my knickers down when he pushed me away from him. He pulled his pants and shirt back on, signalling that we'd well and truly finished.

Pulling my knickers back up, I put all my clothes back on, sighing. 

"Do you seriously think it was a good idea to go through with that?" He glared at me

"It sure felt good. That's all I can say." I mumbled.

"Connie, what about Alex huh? How much would that have hurt him? How much will it hurt him that we've done this much? He's gonna be heartbroken..." He trailed off. I'd forgotten about Alex. I'd forgotten. How could I be such an idiot? I'd been so caught up in a lust over Jack, that I forgot the person I really loved. 

Now it was my turn to cry. Tears spilled out, racing down my cheeks. How was I going to tell him, knowing I'd be breaking his heart - again? I shook my head in some pathetic attempt to pretend I hadn't just cheated on my boyfriend with his best friend. I was a disgusting person, I wanted Alex to hate me. It was the very least I deserved.

Jack was about to reach out to me, to comfort me, when his phone rang. He searched around for it and found it under the quilt. All he did was stare at the screen, a look of terror plastered his features. Gulping, he finally answered it with a shaky, "Hello."

Whatever the person said, worked. The grin that slowly crept across his face, put the light back in his eyes, banishing all the pain. Exactly what I'd wanted to do. Obviously I wasn't the right person to do it, and I think I knew who was.

He shuffled awkwardly out of my bunk, that I shared with Alex, and walked away, his phone still to his ear, laughing away.

I heard Alex's voice ask, "When did you get here? Where've you been?" My stomach flipped, paranoia setting in already. I had to tell him soon. If not for him, but for my own sanity.

"I only came back from the hospital about ten, fifteen minutes ago, I was just having a rest in my bunk, you guys were too engrossed in your game!" Well at least the first part was true, I guess. They had sure been a quick fifteen minutes. Quick enough to break Alex's heart and make me the worst kind of slut.

"Is Con awake do you know?" It was Alex again.

"Erm, I dunno, I didn't know she was still in her bunk." He was lying to him, he was such a smooth liar. I wouldn't ever have expected Jack of all people to be good at lying, but he sure was.

"I'll go check on her." I heard him get off the couch, so I scrambled under my quilt, feigning sleep. He pulled back the curtain and whispered my name, I made no sound. He sighed, seeming satisfied I was still asleep. I was a coward, but I just couldn't face him yet. Not now.

I heard him stumble back into the front lounge. "She's still unconscious. So, who was that on the phone Jack?"

"Sian! She's getting released today and I invited her on tour and she's making her way up now!" I could hear the absolute joy in his voice, and I knew he had that huge grin again. 

i guess she was better for him than I was. She was emotionally sorted, didn't have a boyfriend and wasn't a cheating slut. So overall, she was good for him. I hoped they were happy together, someone should be, since it didn't seem long until me and Alex were no more. I would tell him, break his heart, he'd break up with me, and I'd leave the tour.

I'd become the lonely single girl, more than I deserved.