Change Is Yesterday.

Chapter 15: Please Take Me Anywhere But Here.

~EDITED

CONNIE'S P.O.V

No-one spoke a word on the way there. I was hardly even aware of the ringing silence, and I'm not sure Jack was either; we were utterly submerged in our thoughts.

All I could think about was Alex, story of my life I guess, but I couldn't help thinking that Alex actually seemed to have changed since I left for Camden. I was glad he'd appeared to have learnt some sort of lesson, but then parts of the old Alex, his bad side, reared its ugly head. When he got mad at Jack for telling me he'd cheated, all I wanted to do was get as far away from him as I could, that Alex was not the one I'd first fallen in love with. Not the side of him that I was still in love with. However, I couldn't fight this feeling that maybe Alex changing wasn't a good thing...

I would not be held responsible for changing him, I couldn't have that on my conscience. If he changes for himself then that'd be a whole different story, but why would he? Whenever Alex sets his mind to something, he never gives up, he obsesses over it; and you can see that through the mere success of his band. That niggly feeling that he was doing the exact same thing with me just wouldn't go away. Maybe being obsessed over something he wanted this time, wouldn't be so healthy for him. But deep down, I knew he doesn't want to be the guy he thinks I want. A guy who was fighting to be himself, but restrained by the shackles of who he thinks he should be. But maybe I'm wrong, maybe I just want to be able to accept Alex for who he really is, not some empty shell where he used to be.

Blaming myself for Alex's unfaithfulness wasn't practical, I was fully aware of that, but it didn't stop me from doing so regardless. Either I did something wrong and upset him, or I wasn't good enough for him. The latter, I already knew, so maybe he finally realised and went to find someone who was. Someone to replace me.

Alex had always been a good guy, a cool guy, a popular guy. But he didn't fit in. He never did. I knew that because I'd been with him every step of the way; we were the outcasts together. Like at Primary School, sure people thought he was alright, but even then, at the age of five, people didn't understand him. He was always different; but that only made me like him more.

Our parents were friends from University, so we obviously got introduced as babies. My mum and I went to Alex's a lot because his house was bigger and he had more toys than I did, we became friends. Never did we have to get on as well as we did, we could have easily hated each other and never spoken again when he moved to America, at seven years old. We were different though, we had this bond that our parents saw before we did. Such a strong bond that my parents considered following the Gaskarths to Baltimore, but we didn't have enough money... So we stayed. I lost a small part of myself the day they moved away; effectively, I lost my childhood, the pinnacle of all my hopes and dreams, the best years of my life. Because soon after he'd left me, my mother did too.

"We're here." I'd got so lost in the memories of Alex and I that I hadn't even realised where we were. I looked at Jack, he seemed so... emotionless. Like nothing was good anymore, he'd lost all hope. He felt my stare and turned his head to look at me, his deep brown eyes boring into mine.

What I saw there made me feel hollow. What I felt in that moment was an intense emotional pain, like the feeling of wanting something so badly and having no chance of ever having it. I looked away quickly, the feeling too terrifying to hold on to. Looking back into his eyes, he was more controlled, a mask covered his features and his eyes. All the bare and raw emotion, not gone, but hidden, like he was ashamed and embarrassed to feel that way.

"You ready? Deep breath, lets go." Jack was never a good liar and I saw right through his feeble attempt at optimism. In that second, I wanted nothing more than to just pull him back and give him whatever he needed, or do whatever he needed to make all his pain leave him. I was willing to give him anything to take the pain from his eyes, to see the Jack I loved. My best friend.

Before I could do anything Jack was knocking on a hotel room door. On the first knock I heard locks being undone on the other side, and within seconds Alex was limply stood in the doorway.

As soon as his weary gaze settled on me, the darkness left his eyes and his face adopted a fresh glow. All traces of a sleepless night left his stance and he smiled eagerly like a child on Christmas day. Hope radiated out of him and he was shrouded in an aroma of bliss.

Unsure I could handle his uplifted mood when I was far from it, and having just experienced Jack's emotional state, I still followed inside regardless of my reservations.