Change Is Yesterday.

Chapter 20: You're Worth Fighting For.

CONNIE'S P.O.V

Being here for merely a day, I could already picture my life here; the life I always thought I would have when I was young. Before that day came when the world around me came crashing down, leaving me feeling completely alone. And it had all happened so quick... 

September 5th 1994. The day my mother died. The day that still haunts my thoughts. Being only six years old, I didn't know how to deal with it. I still can't remember if I really knew what was going on when it happened. All I do know is that, reassurance and comfort were what I needed, what I still needed. But I never got that.

My only relief, my only escape had ever been Alex. Even then I needed him as much, if not more than the air I breathed. But Alex was gone, he'd already moved to America three months earlier and I had no-one. For those three months I hadn't spoken one word, I remember my mum even ringing up the Doctors to check if there was anything medically wrong, she was desperate. And then the day she died sent me even further and further into a spiral of depression.

I hit rock bottom.

Until I found Josh. To put it simply, he saved me. He made my life good again. And I do not regret a single thing about the decision I made to stay with Josh rather than follow my dad and brother to California. Josh was the only good thing in my life, I was not about to give that up any time soon.

So I told my dad I wanted to stay and he arranged with the Franceschi's that they would adopt me into their family. My dad had agreed to leave his nine year old girl daughter in England, whilst he went to live in another country. He actually let it happen, with no wish to see me grow up, or even stay in contact.

Taking my thirteen year old brother with him, he left.

Essex held all these memories for me and around every corner, down every street, I was reminded. But I found it impossible to leave, the good times I'd had here were the best I'd ever had and I found that hard to turn my back on. I could no longer ignore the draw to place I belonged, or at least I thought I did.

Little did I want to admit, but I belonged wherever he was. It may seem sad, but he made me feel safe, I belonged there.

Glad of the interruption, as I hated being left alone with my thoughts for too long, I went to open the bedroom door. Marieke was on the other side holding the phone out for me, "it's for you darling." She smiled warmly, letting me know that she was there for me if I needed her, and I took the phone out of her hand. A horrifying thought entered my mind. What if it was Alex? I wasn't ready for this.

I just stood there staring at the phone when I heard a girl's voice shouting coming from the other end, I immediately put it to my ear. "Connie?! If you seriously don't fu-

"Woah! Chill out Nat! I freaked okay?"

"I thought you might have. I knew my mum had given you the phone, so there had to be some reason you were taking so long."

"Detective in the making!" I laughed, such a foreign sound. She laughed too, but then fell silent all of a sudden.

"What's up Nat?" I was worried now. 

"Don't kill me, but-

"He's been to see you hasn't he?" I knew straight away. I had a feeling he'd been to the flat when Jack texted me this morning asking if I was still in the place I said I was. Knowing I'd be so tempted to tell him everything, I hadn't replied.

"Yeah. He came from your flat, he was asking Sian if she'd heard from you. He's worried more than anything Connie. All he wants is to know you're safe."

"Well, did you tell him I was? That I'm fine?"

"It's not as easy as that Connie. I mean, you should've seen him, he was so heartbroken and he had no hope left in him and-

"So you've told him." I wasn't questioning her, I knew she had. I knew he was going to come, in fact, I'd be surprised if he wasn't five minutes away right now. The thought of him being here hit me. I had such a mix of nerves, excitement and annoyance. I didn't know what to feel, was it good that I was going to see him again? Or was it only going to mess me up? Again.

"I'm sorry Connie... It's just I think it'll do you both good to talk. You need to talk to him, you know you can't run from him forever." She was right, as much as I hated that, I couldn't run anymore. Despite the hurt he'd made me feel, I still wanted to see him. Of course I did.

I loved him. I never did stop. I only told him all of that because I wanted to push him away. But I was done with pushing, I wanted him. Apart from everything, I missed him.

"How far away is he?"

"Ten minutes. Well, he sent that text about ten minutes ago, so he should actually be there n-

The doorbell rang.

"Good luck. My mum is there if you need her for anything, day or night. Same goes for me. We love you." She hung up, leaving me the long walk to the front door, to face him. 

Marieke had gotten there before me, I heard her from the top of the stairs.

"Hello sir. Can I help you?" She was so lovely, so nice to anyone, stranger or not.

"Hello, and you can. Is Connie here? It's Alex." It was him. It really was. Unable to control myself, I ran down the stairs to see him standing there looking so tired and drained. As soon as he saw me, his whole body lifted, the lights re-entered his eyes and the blush returned in to his cheeks. The cheeky Alex I'd fallen in love with. I couldn't help but smile back at his beautiful and infectious grin. His smile was something I lived for.

Marieke silently backed away, sensing we needed time alone, I smiled in gratitude. Alex and I just stood staring at each other, taking in each other's features, re-absorbing the other, like we hadn't seen each other for years instead of one day.

I slowly walked up to him and took his hand, feeling so familiar - yet exciting, I led him up the stairs. I knew now, exactly what I wanted.