Caramel Summer- A James Mcvey/ The Vamps Fanfiction

Chapter 41- My First Love

After a few days with James and the boys it was time for me and Charlotte to go home as the boys were moving onto the next country tomorrow. Joe, James and Connor came with us to the airport, we had checked our bags in and it was time to go through. I cuddled into his chest and he pressed his lips against my forehead, 'I love you,' I my words were muffled by his chest.
'I love you too,' he kissed my forehead.
I pulled back a bit so I was able to wrap arms around his neck.
I continuously rubbed the hair where the back of his head and his neck meet, 'have fun okay? Don't worry about me' I squished his checks together, 'but not too much without me,' I pecked his lips that we puckered from me pushing his cheeks together.

After our last goodbyes and managing to prize Charlotte away from Connor and made our way through the airport.

-

It had been a few weeks since I had flown home and it was nearly time for James to come home and I hadn't even spoken to him much to be honest. I get the odd morning text waiting for me when I wake up and we had facetimed a couple of times but I suppose both of us were really busy. Uni is in full swing and he has the whole tour band thing obviously. 'Are you and James okay?' Mum came into my room and sat on my bed and I looked up from my laptop.
'Yeah, why?' I asked. Now thinking about it are we okay?
'You just don't seem to be talking about him as much,' she explained standing up.
'Yeah he's just working away,' I smiled.

My phone screen flashed it was a message from my university friend, 'hey! We were wondering if you would like to move in with us, we have plenty of room+ loads of partttaaayyys' I laughed as I read the message in her voice.
My thumbs automatically went to capitals and I typed out 'OMG YES I WOULD' but then I stopped typing, James is already hung up on the idea of us two moving in together. But then I feel like I'm missing out on all the laughs that all my friends have and the experience that normal university students have. I mean James is hardly ever home anyways and he is pretty much fully booked for the next few months 'ABSOLUTELY LOVE TO' I finished off my message and sent it.

Later on when I was in bed instead of my usual 'good night Lucy x' text from James I got a call from him.
'Hey how are you doing?' He asked.
'I'm good thanks yeah, how are you?' I asked the question back.
'I'm good thanks I'm sad this tours ending but obviously happy to get back to you, you'd love it here,' he explained himself a Little so it didn't sound as if he was sad to come home, 'only a few days until you can move in.'
My heart sank at his words, 'J-James,' I stammered his name out, 'I need to talk to you a out that.'
'What do you not want to move in with me anymore?' He spat angrily with a hint of laughter.
'Well,' I began.
But he interrupted me, 'you actually don't want to, this is unbelievable.' I couldn't see him but I could imagine him pacing up and down and scratching the back of his neck.
'Just let me speak,' I stood up for myself slightly taken back at his reaction.
'Well my friends from university asked me if I wanted to move in with them and' I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes and the lump in my throat building.
'And what I'm your boyfriend Lucy,' he spat.
'I know,' my voice cracked as I spoke, 'I'm aware of that.'
'Don't be sarcastic here,' he chuckled like I was the one being pathetic, 'this is unbelievable, I thought you wanted this, you said you did, I was planning what it was going to be like in my head this whole time.'
'Don't pretend you have even given me the thought James, you haven't made an effort with me the second I left you to come back to England,' I gave him the same you're-being-pathetic laugh.
'Right I'm busy, I don't have the time for this right now, I'll talk to you later,' he hung up the phone.

As the phone beeped out and his name and cute picture disappeared from the screen the tears came flooding down my face. James and I always had the agreement that we'd never go to sleep until our arguments got sorted out because when you sleep on anger it just gets worse. The tears didn't stop until I fell asleep.

I woke up late because of the amount of time I spent over thinking everything in bed last night. I checked what time it was where James was currently staying and after seeing it was a decent time I decided I needed to give him a call. I couldn't let him come back to England like this, imagine how awkward that would be. My thumb hovered over his name and I finally got the guts to press it.
'Lucy,' James croaked, I had obviously woken him.
'James just let me explain, I just feel like I'm missing out on what normal people at uni get to experience-.'
'Well I'm sooo sorry that your boyfriend's job doesn't allow you to be a normal person, I'm sorry he doesn't have a normal job,' he said sarcastically.
'I don't want to argue with you, come on that's not what I meant,' I tried to stop him from continuing.
'Well what do you mean, that I'm holding you back and you don't like waiting around for me?'
Honestly that's exactly what I meant but I couldn't say that to him, 'exactly.' He took my silence as a yes. After a moment of silence James spoke up with a sigh, 'I'm being a dick, I shouldn't be trying to control you, do whatever.'
'Thanks James,' I felt relief.
'I'll see you when I get home,' he started to end the conversation.
'I'll see you then.'

-

I waited for James' text to say he was back at his flat and I began the journey here. I felt really nervous. I think just because of the way the two of us have been recently.

I knocked on the door and it opened, 'hey,' James smiled sheepishly, with messy hair and baggy eyes from his long journey home. It felt so awkward and he opened his arms for a hug.
'What's going on?' I said into his chest and looked up.
'I have no idea,' he pecked my lips followed by a forced smile, I didn't feel anything usually after he is been away it's a lot more than this but that just felt like nothing.
'We need to talk,' he flashed one of his side smiles.
'Yeah,' I smiled back.
'I'll put the kettle on' he walked into the kitchen and I sat on the sofa.

I looked around the room, of black and white decor and guitars and thought about how this could be my new home but it doesn't feel right, like me. 'Do you take on or sugars again?' James asked sticking his head around the door.
'I don't like sugar in my tea,' I smiled but sighed at how he didn't remember that with the amount of tea he has made me in our time.

'Right so,' he put my tea on the coaster in front of me on the coffee table, 'be 100% honest, what's going through your head right now.'
'That it's not right here, it's not just the argument we had the other day, things didn't seem right when I came on tour, way before then even, I don't know.'
'I'm 100% with you, honestly I don't know if this is a bit of a reach but have things been right since you know when we had the break?'
'Well now you say it...no I don't think so,' I sighed.
'Well right this is going to sound stupid but it's kinda like if I get a plate and smash it, that's like what I did when I cheated by then you pick up all the bits of plate and stick them back together, they might be back together but it's never going to be the same as it was at the start. There are going to be bits that are missing and the tiniest hit could break it,' he explained laying back on his chair.
'Very poetically put but yeah, exactly how I feel, things just haven't been right for a long time.'
'I know it's my fault I shouldn't have cheated,' he sighed.
'Well maybe it all happened for a reason,' I smiled.
'Maybe...so what now?' He asked.
'Is that it?' I asked with a chuckle.
'I don't know I guess so, it doesn't seem right, aren't we supposed to be shouting at each other and really angry?' He laughed.
'God you're such a dick,' I hit his shoulder and laughed, 'well I guess that is it if we are both in agreement.'
'So that's it we just break up?' He asked.
'I suppose that's alright for me,' I looked at him and he replied with a nod.

After I walked to the door, 'well bye then,' he hugged me lightly.
'You'll always be special to me thought James.'

So that was it, the end of my first love.

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Well that's pretty much it, I have one more chapter that's already written so comment if you want me to upload that now

It is coming to a very sudden end but I feel like the chapters are getting worse and I'm running out of ideas and it's been going on for a long time now so xx