The Unexpected Love

39. The Secret

"We don't mean
to hurt each other
but we do.

And perhaps
no matter how
right we are for
each other,
we'll always be a little
too wrong."

I stared at him with my mouth agape. Looking in his eyes, searching for something.. anything that made sense in this sudden pivot in the atmosphere.

"What do you mean you can't do this?"

He shook his head and focused on inconsequential materials, disconnecting the eye contact I so desperately wanted. I reached out to him cradling his sorrowful face in my hands. My eyes pleaded for explanation, for some reassurance that it was just a stupid silly comment and he didn't really mean it.

"Talk to me." My voice cried in desperation.

"There's nothing to talk about!" He exasperated, "This relationship is way too exhausting. I can't keep up with the traveling and our constant fights on petty things."

"Bullshit, Sebasti-"

"This is not bullshit, Diana. I don't want to do this anymore. I'm done, for good!" His voice boomed through the apartment, he was that loud, for a second I was taken aback for he had never been so loud.

"Okay.." I fiddled with my fingers before looking back at him. "I'll fly out with you every weekend. How about that? You won't have to do the additional traveling. That's okay? Can we drop this now?"

"No!" He was stern in his discussion and such was reflected in his voice and his posture. He pulled himself off the couch and walked around it. "Why don't you understand, I want out. This is suffocating, yo-"

Because I didn't want to hear anything else, I intercepted, "I'll move in with you. If the reason why you're ending this is because we spent a fuck lot of time waiting each other than actually being together, then I'll move in with you. Whenever you say."

The abruptness took him by surprise as he stared back at me with mouth agape and wide eyes. He blinked a few times and mumbled, "You don't mean it; you're just saying it to stop me, aren't you?"

Yes, I was desperate to keep him all to myself but I did mean whatever I said. Partially. But he didn't have to know that.

"I mean it, every word." I walked towards him. Hoping he wouldn't reject me, I gingerly placed my hand in his chest, "I love you Seb and I don't see any reason why I should give up on us."

He looked at me, almost believing whatever I said, but backed up a step and furiously shook his head.

"No no, Diana. No, I can't.. we can't!" He pleaded back.

I felt a certain constriction in my chest at his constant rejection. I felt as if I was falling in the dark abyss I had kept myself away from. I can't go back to the cycle of shunning down my emotions and crossing out the limited days of my youth. Not when loving someone can feel that refreshing.

Perhaps, I've been too indulged in the whole concept of being wrapped in his love that I never questioned what he wanted.

Perhaps, he already had someone back home.

Straightening my slouched appearance, I warily stepped back, almost as if repulsed by the idea of him sharing his bed with someone else. "Is it her?" I deadpanned.

He confused eyes shot up to mine, "What?"

I unconsciously took another step away from him, "The woman you are constantly on the phone with? This is because of her, right?"

His eyes widened almost immediately as he took in what my words implied, "Are you fucking kidding me?" He growled.

I stood there impervious to his apparent anger, "Just answer my question Sebastian."