30 Days to Love

Day 24: Speculation

After a fitful sleep thinking about what happened between her and James, Shauna has more than enough inspiration to write about Eros in her philosophy final exam. In fact, it's hard to write as fast as her thoughts are forming.

Like Shakespeare wrote in Antony and Cleopatra, "Unarm, Eros; the long day's task is done, And we must sleep."

It's time for James and I to sleep, Shauna thinks. Rest from this weary month of Eros and let their relationship become a distant memory. Even though what she really wants is to run into his arms and never let go. How can she feel both ways? This is a spectacular question to ponder philosophically. She writes until her heart and mind can no longer speculate. She walks her paper up to her professor. "For whatever it's worth, even though I didn't understand much of what you taught, I will never forget this class. It has truly been enlightening. Thank you."

"You're welcome. Just remember, 'Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened.'"

"Who said that?"

"Dr. Seuss."

Shauna smiles. Dr. Seuss huh? She needed that.

She walks outside into the sun, which pierces her eyes with its brightness. All of that writing about Eros has been very cathartic. Her spirits have definitely lifted. For a class that has been such a thorn in her side, she's come to have quite an appreciation for the study of philosophy.

Shauna blinks and realizes her phone is ringing. She digs it out of her bag and looks at the caller ID. New York City. Shit. She hasn't even been thinking about her new job and the move. She answers the call.

"Hello?"

"Shauna! It's Alex." Alex is Shauna's new boss. He's a no-nonsense kind of guy who doesn't like to waste time. He's very New York. He offered Shauna the job in the interview. She wasn't really ready to accept it, especially since it's across the country but at the time, she figured what did she have to lose? She had nothing tying her to LA. So she accepted on the spot. She sent him a few of the engineering designs she had been working on and he went crazy over them. She was excited to work with a real company after years of drafting in her dad's home office. Getting a new perspective on their work is going to be exciting. At least that's what she's telling herself.

Alex continues, "We hope finals are going well. We're very excited for you to start work. We've been going over your designs and we're anxious to begin a project with them at the foundation – with your permission of course. Are you available to fly out on Friday for an afternoon meeting to go over your contract? We'll have you back on Sunday."

Shauna remembers that James's show is on Saturday. She would have to miss it. She's not even sure she would be welcome. It's probably best that she stay away. "That should be fine."

"Great we'll email you the itinerary. Looking forward to seeing you." Alex hangs up and Shauna puts her phone away, hoping she made the right decision. It seems like the right thing to do, but something nags at her, making her wonder. The last thing she wants to do is disappoint James but she can't help but think that her presence at his show may be an even bigger disappointment.

James pulls up to the gallery in the cargo van he rented. He opens up the back doors and looks at the bundles of picture frames wrapped in moving blankets and strapped down tightly. They represent him, his voice. And he's ready to share them with strangers, show them the art in the dance or the laugh from a child or the pain of witnessing some unspeakable horror. Make them feel.

He jumps up in the back and starts to unstrap the photos from the van. Marcos, the gallery owner, appears at the back of the van with two men to help load in the photographs. "James! Your show is almost here. Are you ready?"

James shakes Marcos's hand. "As I'll ever be."

The men remove all the photos from the van. And line them up inside the gallery. They carefully remove the moving blankets. One of the first images revealed is the one of Shauna in the long white dress. She dances in the grass. James remembers the light that made her hair glow that day.

Marcos whistles at the sight. "She's beautiful."

"Yes, she is," James agrees.

"Will she be at the show?"

James shrugs, "I don't know. I don't think so."

Marcos registers that there's more to this story. The woman in this picture means something to James. He tells his workers to handle her photos with care and to give them the best position in the show.

Even though their relationship may be over, James decided to preserve the show as he and Shauna had organized it, with her smile and beautiful red hair front and center. These images were meant to be shown in this exhibit. He wasn't about to mess with it. That fact doesn't make losing her any easier though. This past month has been hard but it's clarified what he really wants. And he plans to go after it. If he fails, he knows he will have tried.

With the help of Marcos's men, James spends the afternoon on the exhibit design for the show. By evening, the exhibit is roughed in and most of the photographs have been mounted on the wall. James is happy with the results but something's missing. Shauna should be here too.