30 Days to Love

Day 19: Defining Moment

Shauna wakes up feeling like a different person – like she made it to the end of a really long race – full of endorphins and unsteadiness. She had sex. It's nothing earth-shattering to anyone – but herself. Even then, she wouldn't say it's earth-shattering. It's more of a defining moment for her, a really, really feel-good moment.

For so long, she identified herself as the aging virgin – the one with the archaic notion of waiting until she found the right person. She never considered it old-fashioned. It was just something she felt strongly about doing. She wasn't religious or trying to make a statement and her dad's infidelity wasn't the reason either (something Margaret had suggested). She wasn't a proud holder of her V-card. She wasn't ashamed of it either.

Shauna came to the conclusion that there are times in life when your heart guides your decision. You can't explain it and you never know when it will happen. But when it does, you know there's nothing you can do but follow where it takes you.

And sometimes Shauna wished she could override her heart – hit reset and let the mind take over. It would be so much easier that way. But that never worked. The heart would always find a way to put the mind in a headlock and get what it wants. Shauna often found it easier to just give in to her heart. But over time, being a virgin went from something positive to something strangely negative. She often wondered if she had a foolish heart.

For years, Shauna dealt with the shocked looks from friends and the question in an astonished tone, "you're still a virgin?!" She lost countless boyfriends as soon as she told them she was a virgin. It's not like she told them she would never have sex with them. But they never stuck around long enough to find out. She knew the one boyfriend who did stick around freshman year wasn't right for her. He was surprised when she dumped him. He acted like he put all this time in and should have been rewarded.

The peer pressure to have sex was always there. She expected it from the boys. It was much harder to take from her girlfriends. She hated it when they would ask her why she was waiting. There always seemed to be some judgment in their voices. And her answer never seemed to satisfy her friends. Eventually, she would avoid discussions about sex all together. It was easier that way.

When she was younger, she found herself questioning herself endlessly. She definitely had moments during which she thought, I should just do it. Get it over with. This guy is nice and cute – why not have sex with him? But then something in her heart kept telling her to wait. It will be worth it.

And it was. The simple reason was that she was ready. End of story.

Shauna stretches. She wonders if it's too early to call James. It's 9 am. If he's not up, he should be. She reaches for her phone. She dials James's number and he picks up right away.

"Hi," he says. Shauna likes the sound of his voice.

"Hi, I didn't wake you up, did I?"

"No, I just got back from an early shoot."

"Wow, you've already been working. That's impressive."

"I was thinking about you the entire time."

"You were?" Shauna grins. "What were you thinking?"

"I was thinking I wish I were waking up next to you."

"Oh yeah? What else?"

"How beautiful you are and how lucky I am."

"Those are some really nice thoughts," she whispers.

"I had a great time yesterday."

"Me too."

"When can I see you again?"

"How soon can you get here?"

"As long as it takes to drive to you."

"Well, you better get in your car."

"See you soon."

"Okay, see you soon." Shauna hangs up and rushes into the bathroom to take a shower and get ready before he gets here.

Shauna turns the shower off and pulls the curtain back to reveal Margaret standing there.

"Ah! What are you doing here?" Shauna pulls the curtain back to cover herself. "You scared me to death!"

"Spill."

"What are you talking about?"

"Something's changed. I can sense it."

"What do you mean? You can sense what?"

"It doesn't take a genius, which you know I am - thank you. But you don't have to be me to figure out that something's changed."

"Why do you think something's changed?"

"You were holed up in your room all last night, giggling on the phone like a little girl. I'm pretty sure I heard some giggling this morning too. You don't giggle. So spill. What happened?"

Shauna blushes.

"Are you blushing? Oh my God, something did happen? You were with James, weren't you-"

"Can you at least hand me my towel first?"

"Of course." Margaret grabs her towel, but holds it just out of reach. "Talk."

"You're evil."

"I know."

"Fine. James and I had sex."

"What?!" Margaret laughs out loud. She leans over – she's laughing so hard, she can't stand up straight.

"My towel, please," Shauna leans over, trying to reach for it. Margaret is doubled-over. She's crying tears of joy. "I'm sorry. Excuse me. Oh my God! Actually, thank God! Yes! Sorry. How do you feel?"

"Cold. May I have my towel back?"

"Oh sorry, here you go." She hands her the towel. Shauna wipes herself off and steps out of the tub.

"Dude! This is huge. How was it? Are you glad you waited? On a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being your eyes rolling back in your head kind of sex, how was it?"

"You're ridiculous. I shouldn't have told you."

"Oh no, no, you can't hold back that kind of information. You've waited years. I've waited years for this day. You realize my reaction is out of happiness for you."

"I'm feeling the happiness, loud and clear."

"Then come on, 1 to 10?"

Shauna laughs, "A 20!"

"What?! Okay, now you have to give me details. Is he, you know, endowed?"

"I am not telling you that."

"Why not?"

"Because it's none of your business."

"Okay fine. But was it everything you hoped for?"

"Even better."

"My baby, she's all grown up." Margaret hugs her. "I really am happy for you."

"I know. You have a very loud way of showing it."

"I inherited it."

The doorbell rings. "Shit, is that him right now? Are you seriously going to go at it again this morning? You're amazing."

"Shut up and get out of here."

"My pleasure." Margaret smirks. "Don't worry, I'll let him in on the way out."

"Don't say anything!" Shauna shouts as Margaret grabs her books for class.

Margaret opens the door, kisses James on the cheek, and says, "thank you," as she makes her way to the car.

James smiles and shakes his head. Women are funny, he thinks. They really do tell each other everything. He reaches Shauna's bedroom and knocks.

"Come in!"

James opens the door to find Shauna standing there in a trench coat and high heels. He smiles.

"That's about the sexiest thing I've ever seen." He walks over to Shauna and pulls gently on the coat's belt. "May I?"

"You may."