30 Days To Fall In Love

Day Fourteen - Emma

***Emma***

 The night was long and lonely. I could barely sleep. The wind sounded in the trees, whistling through the leaves, singing haunting songs that woke me from my slumber like a piercing alarm.

Sometimes, I was in the middle of a dream, my mind in tranquillity, and everything was cool and calm. It was as if I was swimming in a lake. The cold water was refreshing not sharp and bitter like the winds that embraced me in reality. Suddenly, I was awake and drowning. Not in water but in fear.

For every rustle in the trees, every time a car engine sounded, every time a cat miaowed, I woke myself up.

By the time the sun had risen, grey bags had formed under my eyes. I wanted to run back home - not to Anna’s house or to Darren’s but to my home. I sat there in the bus shelter shivering and trying not to cry.

I wanted to hear them arguing again - I wanted anything to make me feel like I wasn’t alone.

I’d never felt more afraid. My heart hammered inside my chest, beating so hard and uncontrollably I was sure it would leap out of my chest. My ribs, like knives inside of me, felt as if they were stabbing my heart slowly. They were like a rope around my lungs, with every breath only getting tighter.

People had begun to wake up and come outside. They either passed me as if I was merely a bush or a lamp-post - nothing worth looking at - or they would stare at me, their eyes filled with disgust and an air of pride surrounded them.

I had been one of those people, staring at the homeless like they were rats or vermin, but now I was one of them, sitting alone in the bus shelter I’d slept in.

My feet were frozen, I struggled to wriggle my toes and felt certain they’d turned into tiny ice toes overnight. I stretched out my fingers too - oh, how I’d love a hand to warm them up. Jake’s face sprung to mind the second I had the thought and I blushed. I’d been so stupid to turn down my escape route. He’d never take me in now, he’d never understand.

He probably thought I was pathetic and weak; succumbing to Darren’s every word like that. Besides, I didn’t need Jake to survive. I didn’t need anybody.

Well, that was a lie...But I had to find a way of living on my own. Maybe school wasn’t the best option for now. If I stayed away, Mum and Dad would be contacted by the school. Maybe then they’d get worried and look for me.

Who was I kidding? My parents wouldn’t care.

As I was thinking this, I felt a shiver run down the back of my spine, like somebody was watching me. I looked up to see a woman watching me. She looked to be about mid-fifties, her hair grey at the roots but the rest fell in a beautiful golden colour. Her eyes, a watery blue, watched me with a different look from the others. She looked concerned.

“Are you okay, dear?” she asked.

“I’m fine,” I lied. Half of me wanted to be five years old and have her take me by the hand back to my parents. The other half wanted her to leave - I could manage on my own. I had to.

“Have you been sleeping rough?” she enquired.

“No,” I lied again.

She didn’t believe me. Of course she didn’t - I must’ve looked a mess. I ran my hand through my hair, catching it among the tangles, and sighed.

She came closer to me, sitting down beside me. I shuffled away slightly; the closeness of her presence alarmed me.

“I work for a charity. We offer food and shelter for young people who live on the streets,” she explained.

I swallowed; my throat was dry like I was swallowing tiny rocks. How I wanted some water! Some food!

“No thank you,” I said. Why was I turning down her kindness? She was here offering me shelter - a way out of this mess. It wasn’t even that I was so determined to survive on my own. I suppose I was just embarrassed to admit everything.

She held out a card with an address and a phone number on it, “If you change your mind.”

I nodded and she left.

My mind was contorted, twisted and confused. What did I do now?

I stood up, parched, and decided to look for some water. After a half an hour walk, I found a public water fountain and began to lap up the drink gratefully. 

Suddenly, it occurred to me that I was hungry. I fumbled around in my pockets for any loose change - I found £15.25. That wouldn’t last me a week - it probably wouldn’t even last me a day, not with the prices around the town centre.

I was invisible again. Passersby walked on, immersed in their own lives. I watched them, curious to know what their lives were like. Were they on the way to a job interview? Were they about to break up with a boyfriend or girlfriend? Were they heading to buy a ring and propose? All of the possible lives colliding at once, it was crazy to think about it.

The day passed slowly. I wandered around the shops, trying on clothes and sneaking looks at books. By the evening, I was starving. The streets had emptied again, a few drunks staggered by me but that was all.

I wondered if there were any other teenage girls sleeping rough.

As if my thoughts had been heard, a girl wrapped in a sleeping bag and hiding in the shadows appeared in the corner of my eye. The drunks were slurring strange words so I rushed towards her. She was probably in the same situation as me.

“Hello,” I said breathlessly.

She looked at me. Her hair was dark and almost black like a raven’s feathers. It fell in greasy curls to the side of her head. Her eyes were a golden brown and surrounded by thick dark lashes. They would’ve been beautiful if they didn’t look so dead and hopeless.

“Who are you?” she said. Her voice shook and her body trembled.

“My name’s Emma. What’s yours?” I asked.

She said nothing.

“Do you have a home?” I said.

“Not anymore,” she said. The way she said it was in a very final way - like a warning for me not to press her on the reasons.

“I don’t either,” I explained. “I ran away yesterday.”

“How sad for you,” she said. Her voice dripped with patronising tones. My stomach twisted uncomfortably. This wasn’t what I’d been expecting, I’d wanted a nice girl to help me out not make me wish I was alone again.

“I’m scared,” I blurted out.

Her expression softened for a moment, “You can stay with us for the night, I guess.”

“Thank you!” I smiled.

She just nodded curtly and began to walk on. I followed in suit.

The night was coming fast. We kept walking for a long time until we were in a tunnel-type place. It was lit by candles and filled with tents and miserable looking people.

“This is Emma,” the girl mumbled.

They all looked up at me, disinterested. I guessed many new people must come and go - I was just another name and face.

A few people offered me smiles as I went to sit down. One boy offered me a blanket which I took gratefully.

They were all deep in conversation but I didn’t feel like I should join so I led down on the floor and drifted to sleep.

All through the night I heard a thousand voices speaking but I’d never felt more alone.