30 Days To Fall In Love

Day Twenty-Three: Jake

***Jake***

I was smiling before I even opened my eyes, the grin so wide my cheeks ached, but I didn't care. Love is the best pain-killer, better than alcohol for sure. One kiss and you'll be numb from the hormones and excitement.

Last night I went to Emma's house and we stayed up late talking and snogging, conversation sneaking out between kisses. She told me all about when she lived on the street, and what it was like living with her parents fighting all the time. I knew some of it already, but there were some things I'd never heard before that had me wondering if anyone had heard them before. There was something about the way she'd whispered those words, eyes half-closed, as if she was admitting her feelings for the first time.

We ate dinner with Emma's mother, talking about exams and schools and the future. I didn't want to admit that I was terrified; my exams were looming, the future was speeding towards me too fast. I didn't want to go to college, to get a job, to have to live in the real world. But I swallowed these fears, kept them inside where I avoided thinking about them, and made small talk about what A level courses I'd like to take.

When I had to go home, Emma kissed me goodbye slowly, her eyes closed and her hands around my neck because that was the highest she could reach when we were standing. I wanted to pick her up, kick down her bedroom door and lie her down on her bed and stay there all night, but before I knew it she was saying goodbye and I was leaving.

Now I was awake, still smiling at the memories; my lips felt empty without hers pressed against them. One thing niggled in the back of my mind and I tried to ignore it...She hadn't said she loved me too.

*

"Jakey boy," Sapphire cooed from the other side of my bedroom door. "Wanna walk to school with me today? I'm still so sorry..."

I ignored her, taking a sip from the orange juice carton I'd bought last night. I'd decided that to fully ignore my family I'd need to adapt my bedroom so that I would only have to leave to use the bathroom. (I had tried to think of ways to get around that, but I decided they may be a little too complicated). 

"I'm good thanks. Leave me alone." I said flatly. 

I was fed up with all of the family drama getting in the way of my life, jutting into my mind when I should be thinking about Emma and how to make her happy. Maybe I was being selfish, but who cares? They were selfish to me by keeping all of this a secret!

I left the house quickly, practically sprinting to school to avoid Sapphire confronting me. They say you can't run away from your problems, but looks like I just managed to.

Emma was chatting to Anna in the canteen when I got to school. I stood there watching her for a while, my heart racing at the sight of her. Her hair was almost back to its normal colour again, and she'd tucked a strand behind her ear so I could see her dainty earlobes, pierced with a tiny blue gem. As she listened to Anna, her eyebrows were furrowed in concentration, and she nodded every so often. 

I walked over slowly, "Hey." I couldn't disguise the huge smile that spread across my face as I spoke.

Emma looked up, "Hi," and looked back to Anna again almost straight away. What was up with that?

I sat down next to her, taking her hand in mine and squeezing it. She squeezed it back limply, still listening to Anna. 

"Where's Callum?" I interrupted, suddenly missing my best friend.

Now it was Anna's turn to beam and blush, "I think he just went to the loo."

I nodded, "Maybe I'll go find him."

Emma shrugged, "Okay. See you later."

I leant in to kiss her, but she didn't move, so I pecked her cheek quickly and walked towards the toilets. Why was Emma acting so strangely? Last night she'd been so happy and she really liked me. I mean, I had to stop her from taking things too far. Was that what was bothering her? It didn't add up.

Callum was just leaving the toilets when I found him. 

"So where were you last night? I'm used to getting your daily moping messages, but last night...nadda. What's up? Were you sleeping?"

I laughed, "No, I was at Emma's."

His eyes widened, "At Emma's! Did anything happen?"

"Just some kissing and some touching," I said, trying to act nonchalant. 

He raised his eyebrows, "Some touching, huh?"

"I'm not telling you anything else, you perve," I laughed. "She's acting really weird and distant this morning though."

"Did you move things too fast?" he asked.

"No, that's the weird thing. She was the one who wanted more to happen and I told her we needed to slow things down..."

"You've been obsessing about this girl for how long and--"

"Twenty-three days," I muttered.

"Bloody hell," Callum laughed. "Anyway, you've been obsessing over her for, like, three weeks and now she's giving herself to you and you want to slow things down?"

I narrowed my eyes, "I really like Emma. I don't want to screw things up and just have a physical relationship with her, I want a real relationship."

Callum's faces softened, "Good for you." 

"I guess I just need to work out what I've done wrong," I said with an empty laugh.

"It's not you, Jake. She's been through so much these past few weeks, she's probably just finding it all a bit hard to deal with," Callum said with a reassuring smile. 

"Thanks, Callum."

He shrugged, "Don't mention it."