DAZED

Chapter 13: I'm inlove with a woman!

It was one of the days where I just simply popped up to visit, but this time with something in mind.

My sister and I sat on the same island where we did last time, pouring ourselves glasses of wine that was stacked on her cabinet for quite a while now. She was silent like the last time we talked and was drowning on a little too much alcohol. It made me even more curious of how her life was composed of and how it was going, which literally seemed not well, aside from her booming job, her well-being seemed to be falling apart.

Another sigh came out of my mouth when I finally decided to just say what I wanted to say and be done with it,

“I came here to tell you something”, I started. My heart started to pump faster and my nervousness was overtaking the calmness of my body brought upon the little wine I drunk. She hummed, setting down her glass and was waiting for me to continue, she was indeed a bit shocked of what I said considering the fact that we never have confided with each other.

“Sis… I’m g—g----ga----… I’m in love with a woman”, I stammered opting to look down at my drink than to look of what her expression portrayed by my sudden confession. There was silence for a minute when a laughter erupted, filling the room. My sister laughed until she was almost out of breath, gripping her stomach and wiping off the tears that prompted to come out of her eyes.

It was not how I envisioned our conversation would go, I thought it would only go two ways; one of which is her not minding it and another of her chasing me out of her house without uttering a single word but with disgust on her face. And yet, there was a third reaction of which I didn’t see coming; She found it funny, like it was somehow a joke.

‘What’s so funny about it though?’

“Look at us two”, she uttered while her laughter died down.

“Look at us, oh~ how we’ve come to be. The other one has fallen to a woman and the other was to a married one”, she laughed once again then downed her drink, her face turning into something so depressing.

I did not know that of her. I have always thought that it was the job taking a toll on her but I guess it was not, it was because of someone as I have first suspected. I was silent and no words came out from my drying mouth. I could not even find the right words to say or to even know what to do on such situations so I sat in silence. She didn’t ask for anything, maybe like me, she wanted simple quietness.

“I know Sam, hell! I know it since back then”, she spoke after a while.

‘What back then?’

“What do you mean? Since when?”, I was already looking at her, my mind processing every ‘back thens’ that I did with Alexis or Jade. It was the city so the probability of her spotting us was none to zero, she was always cooped up either at her office or at home so she wouldn’t have possibly been seeing me around the streets coincidently.

“I saw you once with a woman when I was rushing to get my graduation papers done, roaming the streets. I haven’t suspected it back then but when I was introduced to… what was her name again, the one you introduced when you were in college?”

“You mean Jade?”

“Yes. Yes, her. When you introduced her, I knew then that you didn’t have any inkling to boys OR men for that matter”

Well, I guess, she saw both the women who holds dear to my heart. Still, I have not heard her opinion or thoughts but I didn’t mind as long as the relationship between us does not change.

We sat for a while sipping in our cups without uttering any words. We both didn’t have anything to say and we both know that what we uncovered about each other did not need any comment. Perhaps that is where we are both similar, it was the way we see and perceive things. We weren’t the type to care much on about anything, my sister was not that religious like my parents. She didn’t mind religions though nor was she opposed by it, she still maintains a bit of faith. Some would say, just like I, that she would be found in between an atheist and a theist. She’d say “why not”, on same sex marriage when it comes to political matters and would say “it is unnatural”, if it comes to her religion.

I stayed for a while and we eventually talked about mother and the countryside. She had planned to visit her if I was up to it, I should accompany her, “Mother would be delighted”, she claimed. I agreed as I departed, speeding away with a peace of mind. My sister was the first step but telling my parents especially to my mother was a big leap, I have to be ready for what’s to come if I would ever plan to tell her, I would eventually if I were to see my relationship with Alexis to blossom.

“I told my sister”

Alexis drew closer to me, understanding what I meant, with worry written on her face.

“How did it go?”

“It went well”

She sighed in satisfaction and beamed like a child.

“Well, that’s good hon”, I giggled by her choice of endearment, ‘hon’, she looked at me pouting and pulled me for a hug.

“Sammy, will you date me? or, let’s just get married.”, Alexis whispered in my ear, her words full of honesty and longing.

“Alexis, I can’t for now”

She pulled me away after hearing my words, puzzled by it and embarrassed that I have rejected her on a moment.

“What I meant is that, I can’t marry you yet Alexis, not until I have sorted this out with my family but yes, I can date you. I can be your girlfriend till then”

Alexis smiled and pulled me in for another hug.

“Well, I can work with that”

The tight hug made me aware how both our hearts danced in happiness, so I gripped her body in mine until I was sure that she’ll remain with me whatever happens.