DAZED

Chapter 7: Changes

The silence in between tea stirring, to the small sipping sounds and the click sounds the tea set makes was getting more and more unbearable by the minute we sat there with our mouths zipped. It was overwhelming on my part, but somehow, I couldn't tell what she's thinking at that very moment. It was like she didn't want me to, with the same cold and empty stare she's used to throw around everyone. It was painful indeed, I felt my heart hammering and my chest clogged and stabbed that I wanted to rip away my shirt.

'She changed'

Time passed, of course she has changed. I did too, I changed but I couldn't change the fact that I still love and yearn for her. The growing silence made me grip my skirt, striving my attention to the stillness of my tea. The way things are, I couldn't look at her for when I do, my feelings of endearment would only result into tears, staring at her cold golden blue eyes that once looked at me full of emotions.

It felt like hours upon hours had passed as we sat there unable to say what we ought to. I could feel her gaze at me or when she would stare outside the busy sidewalk. The sighs and her starting a conversation and ended up shutting her mouth in the very first letter of her words. Maybe she does feel the same tension or the different emotions whirling around us. What if, we are both on edge and by that,

'Would she be thinking that this was some kind of a mistake?'

My mind was rushing and I could feel my veins pop by a thought I haven't considered throughout the years being away with each other. I took a deep breath and slowly raised my glass for a sip on my now cold tea.

"You've changed drastically", she spoke suddenly. My head jolted up meeting her gaze, for a second, I thought I've seen her eyes sparkle loosely before once again switching on the same dark empty expression. I stared at her for a while, shaking my thoughts away, suppressing my tears and sniffles down my throat.

"Yeah, we're people. Don't we all", I replied, shifting my gaze out the window. On my side view, I could see her crack a smile which almost made me happy.

"Come on, I'll take you back, lunch time's almost over", she placed money on the table.

The ride back was filled with jazz, all this time, her taste in music never changed. I wasn't surprised, she's always been constant and stable towards everything. I never could understand why she would jump into a relationship years ago when she knows it wasn't fixed and rational. It was then during that car ride back that I thought,

'What did she see in me back then?'

Her tinted shadow that reflects on the window took my attention, studying her face that didn't seem to age unlike mine that changed to looking more mature throughout time. Hers was the same five years ago, except for her entire demeanor, everything was the same as before.

The car stopped by the front, for once in my life, I didn't want time to go by faster, I wished it to stop, even for a minute.

'I suppose it's time to go'

Slowly, I reached to open the door, screaming inside my mind to at least turn around and say something. Just anything, I couldn't, my hand trembled as I held the door but before I could move, I felt her hands on mine. Grabbing my wrist, startling and stopping me. I turned, looking into her eyes, not empty or cold but soft and warm. Her golden blue eyes sparkling like a blue diamond surrounded with gold. It was magnificent, certainly, the one I always considered to be the most beautiful thing.

"Let's go for tea again", she said loosening her grip on my wrist. Throughout our entire interaction, I finally smiled and felt a tear drop from my eyes. She looked at me confused while I wiped my tears and nod.

"Yes, surely", I responded and walked out, away from her.

The rest of my day went by swiftly, even while I weave out from stacks of paper but all my thoughts were consumed by her. I leaned by my desk, thinking back to my sister and thanking her for the opportunity she's given me to finally meet Alexis.

After all these years, where could she have gone that I've only come to stumble upon her at that kind of time and place. It might be a coincidence, if so, I would thank the gods for that. Still, it was yet too early to tell where we'll go from that day forth, even I wouldn't be able to tell. We have changed, we did but the biggest question was how different did we become.

'Did she move on'

Was she able to move forward and forgotten me up to the moment she had seen me. What if that was the case, her own perspective being far opposite to mine, then where will it go. I couldn't comprehend and answer that myself, I laid back and looked up the ceiling, in daze, disoriented from the fast happenings during the past months up to that very moment.

"Are you not going home for the day?", Brandy broke my thoughts, leaning on my desk, smiling geekier.

"Oh-, yeah, you can go along", I answered, rushing to stuff my things into my bag. He giggled by that, tapping the desk in the process.

"We actually organized a welcoming party for the new recruits. You and one other", he stated, still waiting for me to get packed up. I looked at him disoriented, but unable to decline a very kind offer. Smiling, I gave a nod and let him lead the way.

It was a bar, not the kind of bar where you can go dancing or where party people would usually go to. It was a somewhere, nearly deserted, apart from a group and mine that went in after work to stress relieve. People who wore ties, suits and pencil skirts. It was rather comforting, the atmosphere was laid-back and almost silent from about work conversations.

The whole employees of our department were already there with ordered booze and dishes, chatting away to each other when we arrived. They acknowledge our presence with claps and urges for us, the new arrivals to say something while lining up our drinks.

"I'm Joseph and I graduated in xx University. I'm happy to be working under one of the most prominent entertainment company in the whole country", he stated, gazing at everyone before looking at me smiling. He looks so much older, yet the way he talks makes me think he's around my age.

"And I am Sam and I am just glad to have been hired just after graduation", I continued just after he did. They laughed and clapped on my statement before forcing us to drink.

After two shots, I declined for another. Driving back home was the most honest reason, they did look disappointed and went about their conversations. Once again, I sat there wondering. My mind drawing back to her.

'What will we be from this day on?'

'Alexis'