DAZED

Chapter 11: After All

The morning came pleasantly when I stirred and awoke with my head resting on Alexis’ chest and my hand draped on her bare stomach. I’ve never felt so tired like I did that morning, with my body sore and frail from the unending love-making we had deep into the night up to the hours of dawn. I barely slept, but my body clock seemed to forget that as my eyes shot open by the time the clock turned seven that morning.

To be honest, I was relieved to have been awoken with her by my side and not to a dream and another endless longing. I sighed relieved and closed my eyes to another long-awaited rest.

The feel of a prying eyes left me perking up fully awake, my brain processing the moment and the laughter, a laughter that filled the room reassured the nonexistence of a threat and I finally flopped back to bed.

I looked at her, her laughs coming down,

“It’s not funny!”

“IT is! you should’ve seen your face. I was simply looking at you funny, Sammy. I could’ve sworn you saw me as a ghost when you went pale for a second there”, the silence that came after didn’t do the moment well. She realized that somehow her words wasn’t right. It was indeed honestly, not suitable on my circumstance.

She knows all too well what will become of me if she ever did leave, she knew that she was my whole world back then and she left, leaving nothing but her ghost behind. It never even occurred to me before how childish I was, and had not fully perceived the fact that I was depending on her as much more than she could ever take.

“Sorry, that came out of nowhere”, she whispered flopping down beside me, her hand finding its way to caress my cheek. I looked at her, my disgruntled look melting away from her warm hand.

I wasn’t annoyed with her statement, I was annoyed at myself that still, all this time I’m still quite childish on some things at hand. But she should know that I’ve grown enough to determine if something shouldn’t linger long, and to accept that most things are just is.

“You know, I’m already twenty-two right?”

“Yep, sometimes I wonder if it is a crime to be kissing someone who’s nine years younger than I am…”, her brief laughter once again filled the room. It was a rare occurrence, for her to subsequently laugh two times in a minute which amazes me sometimes, especially when she does it with no one else but only with my company. It made me smile, for once in the past few weeks, she was fully vulnerable with me.

“Come on, coffee’s steaming”, pulling me up to rise. Lazily, I pulled her polo shirt off the floor and draped it around my nakedness. It’s size larger and longer than my small petite upper half.

I’ve never known her to brew coffee or to even taste one, it was her least favorite drink then. Coffee of course was one thing I crave once in a while, maybe because I was once one of the conventional Americans whose day can’t seem to start without a cup of coffee. Her on the other hand, prefers tea, water even, over the bitterness of coffee.

“Coffee?”, I repeated, a bit confused. Her look changed to be somewhat sad for a second, I wouldn’t have noticed if I looked away.

“I’ve come to like the taste of it every now and then”

Who would have thought that someday, somehow she’d come to taste and even like the bitterness of coffee.

‘What changed?’

Shrugging my thoughts away, I followed her out of the room, the hall already empty of her sight. There was a nagging feeling inside of me that her sadness had stemmed from the memory of a hot cup of coffee, a memory that wasn’t present within our relationship. I’ve preferred iced coffee, even if the coldness of the winter morning bothered me, but not steaming hot coffee.