DAZED

Chapter 5: A Dream

After the serendipitous event in the cafe, I've since felt guilty of how I've cheated off Jade emotionally. Thinking that she could be my knight in shining armor, blocking me away from the emotions and feelings I was going through. Like a band-aid she was to me. Someone I would willingly rip off someday without a second thought when that certain person comes back to me.

'It was selfish', I said, slapping myself over and over again until I could feel a sting on my skin. 'I don't deserve, only a sting, I deserve so much more pain', I whispered to myself, breaking down, tears falling endlessly off from my stupidity. It was an occurrence whenever I've pushed down enough of Jade's kindness, patience, unstained eyes, hungered kisses and her soft touches as she exclaimed how much she loves me truly, but all I could think of was the person with those golden blue eyes.

The floor was cold, stripped away from the warmth of a mat I threw out the day before to be changed, regretting it as I sat still, unable to move or think. I felt empty, for too long I've felt it, unending emptiness. I was yet another walking empty shattered jar, unable to be filled with something unless fixed. The room was filled with deafening silence except the perceptive whisper of the ticking wall clock, echoing throughout the pitch dark room.

It was a Sunday, one single day of rest from our hectic four last months schedule and there I was, wallowing on my dejection.

Slowly, I stood and walked wobbly when I heard the ringing doorbell and the banging from my door. I could sense myself falling to unconsciousness while pushing myself to open it,

"Jesus! Sam, Babe?", Jade held me before I could hit the ground, her eyes filled with concern and alarm of my state. I hated that, being the way she was to me. She should be hating me, yet, there she was all worried.

"Jade, my benevolent Jade", I smiled up to her, caressing her face before I finally fell into a deep sleep.

I woke up facing clear skies with not a speck of gray clouds, somewhere, very wonder-like,

'A garden?', filled with many white roses, by it, a pond, filled with white-pink water lilies. I blinked too many times as I stood taking in the surrounding land,

'It's a hill', an endless sight of hills filled with so many different flowers. I took the sight in, picturing every moment in my mind, making myself believe it to be reality.

"Wondrous isn't it?", a familiar voice spoke from behind, startling me for a second.

"Alexis!", I beamed in happiness when I turned and saw someone too precious in my heart, I ran and jumped into her arms. She held me tight as she laughed in happiness. I could feel her, the beating of her heart, the warmth of her hug and I could smell that sweet scent of hers I've too long yearned for.

"I'm sorry Love if I took too long, thank you for waiting", she spoke when her laugh died down.

"Let's stay like this for a while, let me feel you for a little longer", I cried, tightening my grip around her shoulders.

"Sammy, I know, but you have to go. It's dangerous living in wonder. Soon, I'll come to you, soon", her voice echoed when I felt myself falling, free falling in an endless pit of darkness. Her warmth no longer felt. It was cold, the wind colliding with my back which was barely clothe. I closed my eyes and accepted the fall.

Beeping monitors was what I heard as I slowly regained my senses, then the white painted ceiling and the smell, the smell of the hospital. Somewhere I've always hated and avoided entering, yet, it found its way to me.