Pain

New Kid

I had been taking some medication for my headaches, so I woke up groggy this morning.  I pulled myself out of bed, stumbling into the bathroom to pee.  While I was in there I heard Mary yawn loudly, and finished up my business.  I brushed my teeth, washed my face, and walked out of the bedroom.  She was brushing her hair with a comb, and I noticed she didn't have the bandages on her wrists anymore.  Her scars were dark blue with bruises, and she pulled on bracelets over them to hide them."  Not many people are aloud to wear bracelets, but mine are made of beads glued together.  There harmless to us freaks, I could choke on them but that would be painful."  I shrugged, and rubbed her shoulder."  You still think about suicide?"

"Of course, why do you think I've been here the longest.  I was here a week before you showed up.  I'm different, always have been."

"Mary I care about you, and if you tried to hurt yourself again I don't know what I would do.  I know we barely know each other, but you're the first person who's ever looked up to me for guidance.  And I care about you so much that it hurts when I see you suffer.  Please,"  I took her hand into mine, and made her look at me," don't try to hurt yourself anymore.  You have given me a chance to life again, and if you die then I won't have a reason anymore."  She looked at me surprised, and looked down at her feet.  After about five minutes of staying in the same place, she sighed."  Okay, I promise I won't ever try to hurt myself again.  And if I break this promise, I will sign myself up for hardcore therapy.  Is that a good deal?"  She asked putting her hand out for me to shake, and I shook it."  Yes, that's a great deal to make."  We both smiled, and went to group.

There was a new kid sitting next to Dr. Roberts, a suicidal.  He had a skinny face, brown hair with blond highlights, bright blue eyes, and freckles covering his nose.  He had thick scars around his neck from trying to hang himself, and deep blue bags under his eyes.  He wore a baggy hoodie, and gray sweat pants.  He didn't have anything on his feet, which were propped up on one of the empty chairs.  He looked up as we walked in, and we sat on the other side of the table.  Dr. Robert smiled over at us, and I looked over at the kid."  Jerliko, this is Alex.  He's another one of you guys."

Alex looked over at the Doctor."  What, they committed suicide?"  He asked, and we both nodded."  Slit wrists."  Mary said."  Pills."  I said, and he looked over at me a little more."  Weird accent you have, where you from?"

"Germany."  I said, and he looked impressed."  I've always wanted to go there."  He said, and I shrugged."  It's pretty nice, most of the time."  I said, and he chuckled a bit."  You're pretty cool Jer."  He said, and I looked surprised at him.  I've never had a nickname, it was kind of cool.  Group started, and I spoke first this time."  I'm going to be living with my almost sister Tina, who works for my family.  Which will be okay, because we are great friends.  Plus, she has connection with this hospital.  So I'll be able to get to the meetings on time."  Dr. Robert thought that was great news, and tried to get Alex to talk."  My Mother was never supportive of my choices of being my own person, all I've ever wanted was to draw.  That's all I wanted, and she thought that was too feminine.  Plus she called me mean names like faggot, bitch, and even freak.

"What kind of monster tells that to their fifteen year old son?  I mean it makes no sense, does it?"  Dr. Robert shook his head."  No, it doesn't make sense."  Ruth looked over at him, and squeezed his shoulder slightly."  Nobody deserves that, you can be whatever you want.  Your Mother has no saying in that whatsoever."  Alex smiled over at Ruth, and she smiled back."  I wish she understood what she was putting me through, then she would understand."

"We're all here for you Alex."  Louie said, and we all nodded.  After group we sat on the couches just talking with Alex."  Well, I've not dated in over three years.  My girlfriend cheated on me with another woman.  Plus, I'm not very into the whole dating thing.  I don't like sharing my things, because people are assholes."  We all agreed on that, and I agreed on everything."  Dating is difficult, not that I would know."  I said, and Alex looked up at me stunned."  Wait, are you still a virgin?" I nodded, not really caring if he knew."  Wow Jer, that's a surprise to me.  I would have thought that the ladies drooled all over your accent."  I rolled my eyes, and he smiled.  I think I made a new friend today.