Pain

Introduction

Hallo!  Oh, sorry, I mean hello.  English is a weird language to me, since I've known German since I could walk.  My new teachers in America taught me English like shit, so I didn't understand most of the words they use.  They believed that a sixteen year old should know at least most of the words they used by now, not me.  In Germany, we call Americans bescheuerts, which means stupid in German.  Because, they are.  They believe everything they see on the internet, so when I went to school I was asked millions of questions."  Is it true you all are Nazi's?; Are you enemies with Jews?;  Do you have to go to school for fourteen hours straight?"  I just wanted it all to stop, and speaking English wasn't helping.  Neither were the bullies.  I would walk down the halls to my classes, and get shoved into the lockers."  What you gonna do Nazi?"  Nazi was my nickname, a very mean name if I might add.  Ever since everyone found out I was German, they just call me Nazi.  I've tried to make friends, but people just don't want to talk to me.  Like I'm the black sheep of the school, like I did something wrong.

It isn't any easier at home, it's worse.  My mother and father, also known as Mutter and Vater, love to make me feel bad about myself."  Was zur Hölle ist das?" (What the hell is this?)  Mother shouted from downstairs as I sat on my bed finishing up an essay for English class.  She stomped up the stairs, and burst into my room.  Scaring me a bit, making me jump an inch above my bed.  In her hand was one of my tests with a giant B on it, my mother's face filled with anger.  I was an odd mixture of my mother and my father.  I had my mother's green eyes, my father's brown hair, and of course both of their pale skin.  I was skinny like them, long fingers like Mother, long legs like Father, and Father's intelligence on everything."  Aber ich war die beste Note in der Klasse!"(But I was the best in the class!)  I said back to her, and she looked very angry.  She had on her work clothes, and still had her bag in her hand." Es ist mir egal, ich will eine der von Ihnen! Sie enttäuschend Kind!"( I don't care, I want A's out of you! You disappointing child.)  I was never appreciated at home, always yelled at for my grades or my participation in sports.  I played on the Frisbee team, and also was in the book club.  I loved to read, even the English books.  They had so many adventures, and took me to different places in my head.  The Frisbee team just let me get away from home.

When I got sick, my mother would scream at me in the very little English she knew."  You lazy boy, all do sleep!"  I had gotten sick in the toilet that day, with my mother behind me yelling still."  Lazy!"  I remember when we first came here, my mother yelling about how much money it cost to send us all here.  I was fifteen, but I was still able to hear her.  It made me feel sad on how much my parents truly hated me, with a passion of a thousand fiery suns.  I remember the year that we moved here, my mother shouted at me about my pour grade in my English learning class."   Sie sind eine Schande für uns! Wissen Sie nicht, wie wir in den Augen der Menschen aus? Weißt du nicht kümmern? Sie selbstlos Jungen!"  (You are a disgrace to us! Do you not care how we will look in people's eyes? Don't you care? You selfless boy!)  That was the first time I've ever felt worthless in the eyes of my parents, my Father nodding in agreement to my Mother.  I had gone up to my room for the night, and cried myself to sleep.

But today was different for me, because my mother told me they were going on a trip for the Summer.  Told me they were going to Sweden to visit family." Sie können nicht mit uns kommen, haben Sie, um das Haus zu sehen. Plus, Sie werden für Sie schrecklich Noten bestraft. Jerliko, wenn Sie ihn nur härter versucht, wir haben dieses Problem nicht."(You can't come with us, you have to watch the house. Plus, you're being punished for you terrible grades. Jerliko, if you just tried harder, we wouldn't have this problem.)  I rolled my eyes at her as I continued to work on my homework for the weekend.  I loved Math, and had been placed in the Advanced Math class.  I hadn't told my parents, because I knew they would just ruin it for me.

But I had a smile on my face, because I wasn't going to see them again.  Once they left, I would leave.  Because I don't give a shit anymore about anyone anymore.  Nobody has noticed me in years, not even in Germany.  I've been treated like nothing, and now I feel like nothing.

I feel alone.