Hers Freely

29. Beyond the surface

Everyone sees what you appear to be, few experience what you really are. — Niccolo Machiavelli

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"Do you ever see yourself as a monster?" she asked catching me off guard.

My demeanor immediately turned serious as I paused before I answered.
"At times, yes. But I believe that the world needs monsters like me, to protect against the true monsters lurking outside the door."

I spoke with a sense of resignation, aware of my past actions that could be deemed monstrous. It's a constant struggle to maintain my humanity while also embracing my primal wolf. She has witnessed the darker side of me, the one capable of causing harm and destruction.

But I can see she wasn't expecting me to be so honest with my answer.

"There are times when I have to make difficult decisions and do things that others might see as cruel or heartless, but I know that it's for the greater good" she listened intently as I struggled to find the right words to explain the complexities within me. All the while, she consciously avoided looking at me fully. I don't think that's what she wanted to hear. I could also sense her unease, the uncertainty of knowing that the line between man and beast was blurred in my case.

I sighed, recognizing the doubt that clouded her thoughts.

"It doesn't necessarily deem me as a monster, I don't think," I said softly, "but in a world full of all kinds of monsters, I'd like to think that I'm one of them that fights for the light."

In a fleeting moment, our gazes met and I could sense a hint of sorrow in her deep, brown eyes. It also seemed as though she wanted to see beyond the surface, beyond the labels and preconceptions, she wanted to uncover the heart of a man. Yet, just as quickly, she retreated back into the safety of her doubts.

"In a sense I've kinda been your 'monster,' I mean like a protector. It just depends on which side you choose to see," I finished, hoping she could understand the inner struggle I faced. I wanted her to see that there was more to me than just my fierce and primal instincts.
I couldn't explain why I cared what this little human thought of me, but I did.

"I've lived with your kind and your intentions aren't in the best interest of my kind. I'm s-sorry if I see it that way." She said, her head down fiddling with her fingers.

As the evening breeze rustled through the trees, she tighten her blanket around her shoulders. Looking at her, I realized that perhaps our worlds were too different. Yet, I wanted to overlook that, for there was a unique aura about her that drew me in. This was the first time in a long time that I felt a genuine interest for a female, especially since Kyra.
In the past, females were simply a means of physical need, a release, with no attachment or emotions involved.
 Despite my best efforts to maintain a safe distance, secretly, I wanted to know her, to understand what made her the way she was. But deep down it bothered me knowing that she despised what I am.

I rose from my seat and tenderly placed my hand on her scarred cheek, tracing the raised skin with care.  I was surprised she didn't flinch or retreat.
"Listen, Ellie," I began. 'I'm deeply sorry for what you have endured. No one should have to experience what you've been through, and faced it alone. Please know that not all of us are like that."

Just as the weight of the moment began to settle in, a voice cut through the heaviness. "Hey, Ella!" shouted Rory, grinning from ear to ear as she approached with a sack in tow, most likely the clothes I had asked to gather for her. I couldn't help but feel relieved at the interruption; the conversation had become too heavy. I backed away to lean on the door frame letting out a chuckle at Rory's lighthearted presence. Her vibrant energy and cheerful smile instantly lifted the weight off my shoulders. She gave me a bow of her head acknowledging my presence.

Ella's eyes darted back and forth apparent that she was covering up the awkward moment. Meanwhile, Rory skipped up the stairs to her and plopped the sack in front of Ella, " We gathered some clothes for you, she said with excitement. "Well, Iris and my mom asked around. There's also some of my stuff in there, you're small like me so they'd probably fit you better."

The sweet girl was beaming. Rory was always a sensitive and generous little girl. I know at times she's left out with wolves of her own age because of her being a small omega. She's often overlooked, but she never complains about it. Luckily she's relentless when it comes to following her brother and Elliott around. Those three are always getting into some kind of mischief.

Ella's face softened as she looked at the sack of clothes. "Are all those for me?" She asked, her voice trembling with emotion. It was clear that she was overwhelmed by the unexpected act of kindness. 'Why would anyone go out of their way for me?' she wondered aloud.

In an attempt to lighten the mood, I suggested " Hey Rory, why don't you help Ella change and clean up."

" What do you say, gorgeous?"

Without a word, she nodded and clutched her blanket tight as I scooped her up into my arms. She let out a small gasp, and I couldn't resist flashing her a smirk. It was amusing how she had initially resisted my offer to carry her this way earlier insisting on riding on my back, yet now she seemed content to be in my arms. I couldn't help but revel in the blush that spread across her cheeks at even the simplest of gestures, especially when I touched her.

It was cute!

The little human's heart raced as I carried her in my arms to her room, passing some she wolves lounging about, gawking. I respectfully greeted them with a nod. "Ladies."

Upon reaching her room, I gently laid her down on the bed, our eyes locked, and a shy smile crossed Ella's lips.

"Thank you," she whispered softly, her cheeks still flushed with color.

"Anytime, Ella," I replied with a warm smile, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

Closing the door behind me I heard Rory's playful demeanor lighting the situation, and Ella's giggling.

Leaving the two girls, I returned to my duties, but I couldn't shake off the feeling that there was an unlikely connection  beginning to blossom between us. Despite our conflicting realities, there could be a special friendship forming because even my wolf, usually distant and cautious, seemed to sense the shifting dynamics, nudging me with approval.

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Aw this chapter was a bit mushy 😉

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