Description of panic attacks. Please be aware I'll let you know when it's about to happen :)
"Oh, you're stupid. Oh god. You stupid, evil, sadist, I wanna kill you," Cristina seethed at Emma, her voice dripping with venom.
"Ughh I'm going to make sure your phone charger doesn't work tonight," Meredith added, her voice tight with anger.
Emma, still jogging in place, tried to maintain a cheerful facade. "Endorphins are good. Endorphins are mood elevators. This is supposed to make us feel better," she chirped, her voice strained.
"Oh god. Do you feel better?" Cristina asked Meredith, her gaze flickering between Emma's forced jog and Meredith's slumped posture.
"No," Meredith groaned, burying her face in her hands.
Emma sighed in frustration, her jog coming to a halt. The forced positivity felt hollow, a stark contrast to the turmoil brewing within them all.
"I'm stupid," Meredith mumbled, her voice muffled.
"Slutty mistress," Cristina spat, her words laced with self-loathing.
"Pregnant whore," Meredith retorted, her voice cracking with emotion.
"Sleeping with our bosses was a great idea," Emma added sarcastically, her voice heavy with regret.
Silence descended upon them, thick and suffocating. The anger had burned itself out, leaving behind a desolate emptiness.
"You know what's ruined for me?" Meredith began, her voice barely a whisper. "Ferry boats. I used to love ferry boats. Now every time I see a friggin ferry boat, I..." she trailed off, her voice thick with tears.
"Do you know what's ruined for me?" Cristina echoed, her voice trembling. "Coronary artery bypass grafts... and aortic aneurysms. God, I used to love aortic aneurysms." She let out a humourless laugh.
Both girls turned to Emma, their eyes filled with a mixture of anger, hurt, and unspoken expectation.
Emma hesitated, the silence stretching between them. She knew they expected her to join their bitter humour, to find something she "missed" about Arizona, a way to participate in their shared misery. But the truth was, Emma didn't miss the possessiveness that had suffocated her, nor the complications that arose from Arizona's engagement.
Taking a deep breath, Emma decided to be honest. "You know what I miss the most?" she confessed, her voice barely a whisper. "The feeling of possibility. The feeling that maybe, just maybe, there was someone out there who saw me, not just as Meredith's sister, or Ellis Grey's daughter, but as Emma. Someone who I could be myself with, without the drama and the baggage."
Exhausted, they sank down onto the cool grass, seeking solace in the shared vulnerability of the day.
"Have you cried yet?" Meredith asks the two.
"Hello?" Cristina replied sarcastically.
"Who the fuck do you think you're talking to?" Emma retorted, a hint of a smile playing on her lips.
"Do you think we'll feel better if we cry? You know just let it out?" Cristina asks.
"Probably. Yeah, " Meredith replies.
"Do you wanna cry now? " Cristina asks, unsure.
No," Meredith replied, forcing a smile.
A beat of silence followed, and then Meredith, with a newfound resolve, stood up. "Okay, let's jog."
--
"What's she doing?" Cristina queried, glancing at Izzie engaged in conversation with Alex.
"She's hanging out with Alex," George replied, a hint of confusion in his voice.
