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HONORA USUALLY LOVED silence. Silence was her best friend. It allowed her to concentrate on the small things, the things that were often overlooked but truly bore the weight of the world. Some people would argue that silence was a killer. It chipped away at people's skin until there was nothing but a skeleton of a once-brilliant being. Honora would disagree. If it weren't for silence, nothing would exist.
It was silent in the preparation room that morning. The accidental clunk of glass jars knocking against each other as Honora organised the drawers on the other side of the room to Jack was the only source of sound. If someone were to have asked Honora a month ago if she'd have liked the silence in that situation, she would have nodded to keep the silence alive. Now, it was different. Everything had changed. If someone were to ask her that question now, she would drop to her knees and scream.
Silence allowed her to think. She used to love it because then she could organise her mind. She could sort through her thoughts, kick away unnecessary questions and keep the ones she liked. She could replay moments in her mind and critique her actions to come out as the better person. She could imagine the possibilities the world had to offer her. She would switch on autopilot and disappear into her head, because at least she understood herself.
Not even Honora could understand herself anymore.
Everytime she closed her eyes. Jack. That one doctor's name would float in the darkness, pulsating in a blinding array of colours. Notice me, it would shout. Notice him. She did, that was the problem. She admired him. She didn't want to.
Her father always told her she had to marry a man. Because of that, she never wanted to. Her mother always told her to stand up for herself. Because of that, she did. Winona always told her to go for the greatest if anyone at all. Because of that, she never really looked. She waited for a person worth fighting for to stumble their way into her life, if that were to even happen at all.
