Conflicted

Chapter 2

Matthew 11: 28  "Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

Savannah arrived at work and immediately masked the pain inside. At twenty-seven she felt her life was so broken. She freshened up her make-up and pulled her jacket on. Savannah was extremely attractive and she wore the clothes to embody her figure. After being in foster care and her experiences, she wore her choice of clothing and made no apology for it. 

As she headed toward the office she saw some of the guys whispering and watching her closely. It did not phase her one bit, because the men were always hitting on her and trying to sleep with her. Savannah was selective with whom she was with and did not mix business with pleasure. However, it did not stop the gossip, or wild imagination of her co-workers who made generalizations and assumptions about her. Savannah did not care about people and their opinions about her. Unfortunately, she stopped caring a long time ago after years of hurt and disappointment. Her only ally and friend at work was Alisha Selmon. Savannah felt she was genuine and truly cared about her. Alisha did not judge her and was constantly praying for her friend.

"Savannah, how are you?" Alisha said welcoming her friend with a cup of coffee. "Thank you, you are a lifesaver," Savannah smiled embracing the warmth of the cup. In seconds she drank it savoring the taste. 

"Rough night?" Alisha folded her arms concerned about her friend's routine. "I'm good," Savannah tried to reassure her. Alisha sighed. She knew she was lying. Alisha hated that Savannah used casual sex and sometimes alcohol to mask the hurt of her past.

"Don't look at me with those puppy eyes Mother Theresa. I don't need a lecture on my screwed-up life or another attempt of you giving me therapy or reminding me Jesus is the answer," Savannah said.

"You know I love you and can't wait for the day you finally realize you deserve better and the diamond you are on the inside," Alisha said. 

"You are so sweet loving on me despite my many flaws but go," Savannah said giving her a big hug. She loved Alisha's hugs because they reminded her that there were still some good people in the world. 

"I have a full day of court and I have to get started," Savannah said. 
"Okay, but we have to do lunch or a girl's night out. We are overdue," Alisha reminded her. 

"We will. I promise," Savannah smiled reassuring her knowing Alisha would nag her until she agreed. 

After she was gone Savannah sat in her office chair feeling exhausted. She started to pack her bag for the day preparing for a court. As she prepared to leave Peter Freeman, knocked at her door immediately annoying her. He was a lawyer at the firm who was not shy about the fact that he wanted her. Savannah saw him as an opportunist, and social climber who would do anything to get to the top. His obsession with her was confusing to Savannah because Peter liked to have women who were into social climbers like him. Savannah wanted nothing to do with Peter.

His aggressive attitude brought her back to her teenage years which were equally as painful as foster care. 

The tears trickled down  Savannah's face. She did not have a plan after running away. For days she stayed in the streets until she started to figure out her next move. She knew she could not stay long because the streets were vicious for a young girl. After all, drugs and prostitution were huge and  Savannah wanted no part of that world. She mustered up the strength to go to her father's house. Savannah wanted nothing to do with him because he never acknowledged her. After all, she was a child from one of his numerous affairs. Savannah remembered when her mother told her that she had no idea that her father was married. Of course, when her mother refused to continue the affair he dropped her and moved on. Savannah knew his name, address, and place of employment but never had a relationship with him. She was desperately in need of help and just wanted to come off the streets. 

Savannah swallowed the last pride she had left and showed up at her father's door two weeks after running away. "What are you doing here?" Thomas Markinson said alarmed when he saw her at his door.  Right away Savannah regretted coming and felt the awful sting of rejection emanating from the man she did not want to see. Savannah did not mince her words. "I am sure you know Mom is dead. I ran away from foster care after being raped for years. I am on the streets homeless and I need your help," Savannah said waiting for an embrace, compassion, something to show the man had some love for her.

"Savannah, you can't be here," Thomas said alarmed stepping outside the door. "You have to go," he ordered. Savannah could not believe he had nothing for her. She walked away leaving Thomas shocked and in awe with everything she had said. Savannah returned to the streets wet, cold, lost, and hopeless. She was angry, hungry, and confused. Savannah felt God had abandoned her but she knew nothing else. She cried out to God and prayed for help.

"Lord, I lift up my eyes to the hills from whence cometh my help. I am lost out here on these Streets. I don't want to have to walk into a life of prostitution. Help me Lord for you are my shepherd and hear the cry of the broken heart. God if you are out there and still love me please help me."

Savannah wept and crunched up in a corner on the streets for hours. When she was about to give up her father showed up after looking for her on the streets. She went to live with one of her aunts who treated her like her own. Despite her father's many flaws, Savannah was grateful he came through when she needed him the most. 

"Mr. Peter Freeman, what do you want?" Savannah asked crossly. "Isn't it obvious," he said with his lustful eyes. "I have court and you are in my way," she said.

"I know. We have a case together. Perhaps, afterward, we can go out," he said. 

"Let me make this clear to you before I have to file a sexual harassment case against you. I am not interested in being with you sexually. You are a snake and I will never trust you. Begging is not your style so stop wasting your time trying to pursue me," Savannah said sternly. 

Peter's eyes widened in anger and said, "You should tread carefully Savannah. I am up for a partner, and you will have to work next to me very soon," he said.

"I am good at my job. If you don't want me here many other law firms will gladly hire me. Don't let your egotistical and chauvinist attitude lose a quality worker. I do not want you and will never want you," Savannah said walking passed him. Peter Freeman was wasting his time trying to bully her into sleeping with him.