Conflicted

Chapter 12

1 Corinthians 13: 4: 7      Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

The silence was heavy between them when they met up and strolled in the park together. Both of them did not realize after spending months together they had branded many places as their favorite spots. Their love for nature, the quiet and beauty of nature brought them to the outside many times.

When Matthew saw her his heart skipped a beat. She looked amazing as always to him but this time something was different about her. Her inner beauty radiated on the outside, she was in simple jeans and a blouse with no make-up. He could get used to her natural look because it made her look younger. Savannah did not have to do much to look beautiful in his eyes,.

"How are you?" Matthew asked breaking the ice.

"I should be asking you this," Savannah said softly. 

"I'm good Savannah now that I am seeing you and that everything is okay," he managed to say avoiding her eyes.

"Let's deal with the elephant in the room," Savannah said. 

"What do you mean?" Matthew asked allowing her to take the lead and direction of the conversation. The last time they talked he confessed his love hoping he did not freak her out. 

"That night when I told you to leave I did not sleep with anyone. In fact, from the time we started hanging out together, I have been celibate. I want better for my life Matthew and I know sleeping around is not the answer. I am sorry if I hurt you that night. It was never my intention. I  cherish you and do pray that you forgive me," she said quietly.

Matthew drew closer to her as they sat on a park bench together. "Of course, I forgive you. And thank you for considering my feelings he said," continuing to remain stoic and avoiding her eyes.

"Matthew please look at me. I am truly sorry she said," speaking directly from the heart to him with tears streaming down her eyes. Matthew stared into those beautiful blue eyes and held her hand. He knew his heart still longed for her even now. However, he had to be sure again before putting it on the line. 

"Matthew I have been messed up for a long time. I am sorry you came into my life and saw my poor choices. But I am ready and willing to make the necessary changes. I don't know how you feel about me now. If you don't want this with me anymore I understand. I just needed you to know how I felt," Savannah confessed.

Matthew was deeply surprised and moved by all the confessions. He could see that Savannah was serious about everything she was saying. 

"And us? How do you feel about me? Do you want us?" Matthew asked directly.  

Savannah swallowed thinking that he was making her work hard explaining her feelings. She was not good with emotions and hated feeling vulnerable. 

Matthew felt her hesitation and nervousness. She surprised him when she used her courage to stand in front of him.

"Please listen before I chicken out from doing this. Matthew Newman, I have never felt this way before about any man. You have stolen my heart. I have to get some help and clean the mess in my life but if you are willing to wait and have me well...............................".. she stuttered getting overwhelmed. Savannah looked down and finally confessed, "I have fallen in love with you and don't know how to handle these new feelings."

Matthew shed tears and pulled her gently in his arms. "Savannah, I will wait for you because you are worth it. I love you, Savannah O'Brien."

Savannah cried too holding on to him tightly. Matthew was her safe place and there was nobody else arms she wanted to be in. They held on to each other for the longest not wanting to let go. Matthew knew this was a miracle to see Savannah like this wanting change and confessing her love for him. He was amazed that the battle that he thought was impossible to win had received divine intervention. 

Savannah was more than ready to make the changes she needed for herself and their relationship. Savannah never saw herself in this moment like this before and knew God was at work. She felt in her spirit she was about to walk into her new self.