Conflicted

Chapter 15

Isaiah 65: 24 And it shall come to pass, that before they call, I will answer; and while they are yet speaking, I will hear.

Matthew watched her and felt every pain and emotion Savannah was experiencing. He wished he could take it away but he realized she needed this. 

Savannah looked at the old motel she stayed in with her mother and hoped things had been differently. As the tears streamed down her eyes she walked inside remembering what had happened after losing her. 

"Mom, I love you and I forgive you,"  Savannah said realizing that there was a time when she blamed her mother for her poor choices and dying because of her lifestyle. However, she soon realized she was a hypocrite because she followed the same generational curse that was now broken off her life. 

Matthew slipped his hands into hers and tried not to overwhelm her with questions but with support. He just wanted to be there for her every step of the way. When they arrived at the cemetery he gave her space to visit her mother's grave. 

Savannah placed the flowers on the tombstone and ran her fingers over the words in loving memory. She prayed and thanked God for her mother.

When she walked back to the car with tears, Matthew wrapped his arms around her. He prayed to God that she would never experience such hurt again.

A few hours later they pulled up at the home of Mary and John Stuart.

Holy Spirit please give me the words to say, Savannah said conflicted about going back to this place.

"Honey, take all the time you need," Matthew said squeezing her hands. He too was feeling skeptical about this because he had grown even more protective of her. 

Savannah took a deep breath and said, " I have to do this!"

Matthew walked with her to the front door and rang the doorbell. Mary Stuart opened the door shocked at the face of the girl who hunted her dreams. 

"Ms. Stuart, how are you, ma'am? It's me Savannah. I did not come for any trouble. I came to say please forgive me for hating you for far too long. I am a believer now and my past will not define my future. I forgive you," Savannah felt her heart thudding away as the words released out of her mouth. She had no idea how she would react let alone what she was going to say.

Mary held her chest and wept, "Please come in."

Savannah felt as if she could not stand. Matthew leaned next to her to embrace her realizing the moment was far more heavy.

"Are you sure?" Savannah said.

"Yes, I have something to say to you," she choked in between tears.

Matthew started to get worried but Savannah held his hands as if to say it's okay. God has this, Savannah thought not having any idea what would be said but daring simply to trust God. 

After they were inside, Savannah looked around the old house whose interior was different but the fatal memories still lingered. God help me, I don't want to throw up, she thought.

Matthew stood next to her and Savannah quickly said, "This is my boyfriend Matthew Newman."

Matthew nodded his head at Ms. Stuart who had aged drastically over the years. Savannah could see she was in her seventies.

"Savannah, I know it must have taken a lot of you to come here and do this. I accept your apology if you accept mine. I should be asking you for forgiveness. My husband was a monster to you and I did nothing about it. I was a coward, in love with religion and not a relationship with God, and also afraid of him. He was very abusive verbally and physically. I became good at hiding the marks over the years. I am sorry for staying and not helping you. Please forgive me Savannah for treating you poorly in every day," she begged and cried the entire time. 

Savannah could not believe what was happening before her eyes. 

"God has answered my prayers. I am dying my child and the memory of you has hunted me for years in my dreams. I wanted to say sorry face to face. Thank you for being obedient to the Holy Spirit and coming here to give me closure," Mary said stretching her hands towards Savannah remorseful.

Savannah began to cry too and held Ms. Stuart's hands too. Amazingly both women embraced and wept in each other's arms. They both needed redemption. After so many tears Savannah built the strength to ask one of the hardest questions of her life.

"Where is John Stuart?" Savannah said. 

"We divorced twenty years ago. The last thing I heard was that he was in a home for the elderly," Mary confessed.

"Thank you for this information," she said. "Yes, my child. I am so sorry again," the old lady wept holding her hands. 

"Would you and your friend pray for me?"Mary asked with teary eyes.

Matthew looked at Savannah for confirmation and realized he too was shedding tears. He had never witnessed this level of forgiveness before and was honored and happy to see it. 

Savannah nodded as they prayed for Mary's health. Savannah walked through the old rooms of the house with Mary's permission and felt empowered recalling memories she spoke to telling them they had no hold over her. 

Savannah realized Mary was a lonely old lady and she felt pity for her. Seeing her like that made her come to the realization she did not want to die that way. When they went outside Savannah broke finally in Matthew's arms. The heaviness of it all made her see the necessity of this moment. She was on her way to redemption.

Matthew was not sure if Savannah could handle dealing with Mr. Stuart too after such an eventful day. But she convinced him that she needed to be free of all of this. It was time. Matthew held her hand and set the GPS as they headed on their way to the home to see John Stuart.