Finding myself

16. My cousin is a god

Day 14

I can't process anything right now. There are people around me yet I feel more alone than ever. I feel like crying, but I won't. I don't cry, even during a pregnancy. Why do I have to be pregnant? Why me? Why couldn't he have just pulled out? I'd be 100x less pissed if he just raped me with a condom on. Is it too much to ask?

Oh and there it goes. Tears welled up in my eyes. Why the fuck do I have to be such a pussy all the time. I got up from my bed and walked to my onsuit. My bathroom consisted of a black-and-white theme. Black accessories and white walls, countertops and toilet.

My room matched the same kind of vibe but the opposite. Black walls and desks while the accessories and the roof were white. My room looks like they hired someone to make it. It's personalized but it's not related to me whatsoever. I mean I didn't expect my brothers or my father to have put effort into my room I didn't even expect them to hire someone, but I wish I had just one photo of when I was young. One where everyone is smiling, Mom, Parker, and all of my brothers, all smiling at me.

I wish I didn't need a picture to know that any of that happened. I don't even know if it ever did. We are a mafia family after all. Maybe we never smiled in photos. Now that I think of it they rarely smile.

After peeing and brushing my teeth, I don't know why I brushed my teeth. I came in here to brush my hair and go to the bathroom, why did I brush my teeth? I guess I was so deep in thought that I didn't even notice when I grabbed my toothbrush and started to brush off of instinct. What time is it anyway?

A knock on my door and a voice telling me to go down for supper answering my previous question regarding time. They had said we eat at 6:30 so that must be it.

I brush my hair and make sure I don't look like I was staring at a wall lost in thought, letting my eyes water because they were so dry. Once I was sure I looked decent I made my way downstairs, a dagger strapped to my thigh under my cargo pants. Just to be sure you know? Who knows when they're going to turn on me? I need to be prepared.

When I get to the main floor, yes I memorized the route, I look at the table to find only one spot left. The one beside Parker and Benjamin who, might I add, looked insanely pissed. He looked like he was going to chop my head off. He also had a klinex up his nose because it was still bleeding. He didn't look very intimidating.

I took my seat and everyone's eyes remained on me the entire time. Before anyone could utter a word to each other, a girl walked in. Through the door. Without knocking. I swear are these people mafia leaders? If so how are they alive if they let people just waltz on in here like they own the place? How is it that other mafias who hate my father don't just come around and kill them all? They really are stupid.

The girl wore a cute forest green oversized hoodie with a pair of blue jean shorts. When I say she was pretty I mean it damn well. Her hair was a curly black which accompanied her light brown skin perfectly. I could see freckles decorating her face making her look even cuter than she already is. God if I were a guy I would have fainted at the sight of her.

I look up at her eyes to see her smirking at me. Shit, I've been caught. I mean I wouldn't call someone looking at her entire body awestruck by the sheer beauty she possesses, checking her out, but it seems that she did.

"Allie, always fashionably late. Can't ever be on time for once, even when Anna is finally home. Please just pull up a chair." Parker said signing and turning away from her to look at the food that was just placed in front of us. I could tell he wasn't very mad at her tho he seemed more so used to it.

"Of course uncle, why would I be on time when I could be late? Make my appearance known." That confused me, uncle. Did I just check out my cousin? I never thought I would be a part of one of those videos with the song Sweet Home Alabama attached to it, but here we are. I've fallen too far for anyone to catch me.