Finding myself

7. I didn't know I swear

Day 9

I can't open my eyes. I can't move my body. This has happened before when I wake up in the middle of the night but I can't move a muscle. Like my body isn't associated with my mind. I think it's
called an out-of-body experience but I'm not 100% sure.

Finally, I peek my eyes open only to be met with nothing. The bright light hanging above me temporarily blinding me.

Panic rises in my chest as I feel a hand grasping my own. I turn my head and see a sleeping Parker. I yank my hand away from the heat being produced. When my hand doesn't come too easily I start to freak out. His hold on me becomes tighter as I frantically try to get my hand back. I push my body up the bed trying to create space between me and the fucking Don of the French mafia. While trying to escape his hold I fall off the hospital bed onto the floor furthest from him.

My hand is set free as I feel a panic attack coming. I ran to the bathroom attached to my hospital room not wanting this man to see me vulnerable. My breathing becomes heavy as I start trying to suck air into my lungs. The deep breaths I was taking hurt my fragile ribs. My eyesight becomes blurry as tears threaten to fall. I couldn't breathe. My lungs burned from the lack of oxygen, while my mind searched for some way to calm down.

At this time I thought of the only person who has ever helped me through a panic attack the only person to whom I've ever been vulnerable in front of. I think about how they would help me calm down and I do the same trying to imagine the breaths that I was supposed to repeat. My breathing becomes more and more normal as shallow breaths become stable.

My mind instantly returned to their passing making me burst out in tears. I slid against the wall until I was sitting on my butt, myface in my hands. The day replayed in my mind reminding me of the hell I called a life.

They were the only person I ever trusted after my mom, and I killed him. He's gone because of me. It's all my fucking fault. Why the fuck did I bring him home? Of course, he would have done what he did. He was a man and I was holding his hand. I thought father wasn't at the house. I thought he was out with hookers. I didn't know. I swear I didn't know. I didn't. I didn't mean for it to happen I swear. I didn't. I didn't know.

"I DIDN'T FUCLING KNOW" I yell my sobbing growing in volume. My throat was hurting and after every choked sob it grew more and more painful.

My efforts to keep my sobs quiet became an unreachable outcome as I broke down sitting on the floor. My crying and my yell were loud enough to wake up my bio dad. I could hear him knocking on my door trying to get inside despite the lock used. I know he can hear me, I know he can hear how broken I really am but I can't stop myself. Sadness becomes the leading emotion in my actions.

He hits the door with his side trying desperately to make his way inside the room. He was going to tear down the door if I didn't get out of there. The banging against the door made me flinch a little.

After controlling myself, I walk to the sink and splash some cold water onto my face. Chugging some in the process straight from the tap. After looking half-decent, obviously still having puffy red eyes, I walk out of the room.

Parker is standing outside the door looking at me with concern. I half expected him to be mad that I showed emotion, because, well, that's what I was used to but he doesn't. He looks almost like he genuinely cares for my well-being. That was most definitely a shock.

I walked past him with my emotionless mask on trying to act as if he didn't just hear me completely break down in the bathroom a second ago.

"What the fuck was that," he asked me. More so yelled, making him flinch at the sudden outburst.

"I don't know what you talking about," I say playing dumb, trying to get him to fuck off.

"You are not allowed to act like that young lady," he told me. Who the actual fuck does he think he is?

"How the fuck do you have a say in what I do, how I talk to you and what I don't tell you? You weren't in my life for the past 15 years that I've been on earth. 15 fucking years" My voice becomes louder at the end almost screaming the words at his face. "You have no right to try and pry into my life when I have only known you for a day. To me, you are a sperm donor. That's fucking it!" I screamed.

Before he could process my words, I took off running. I don't know how long I was knocked out but I needed to go back. I needed to get back to my house. I couldn't stay here any longer with this bastard. My lungs burned as I ran. My ribs begging me to slow down. I could hear footsteps behind me but the more I ran the more distant they became.

When I reached the door of the hospital I went to the side of the road and put my hand out. A small thumbs-up made its way onto my hand. I know hitchhiking isn't very safe but it's safer than it is here. Just as I started to hear him get to me, a car pulled up beside me. I got in hastily.

"Drive" I yelled at the poor man sitting in the front seat. Before taking off I had taken Parker's gun. He had left it on his chair, stupid ass, I placed it on the driver's head and told him where my road was. No way was I giving him my house. I'm not stupid.

The entire way I kept the gun placed directly onto his temple. The man did everything correctly. I made it back and told him to wait a second. I was going to give him 2000$ for being such a help. He was being such a good guy.

I went into the house took the stack of money and went back outside only to find that he left. I mean I don't blame him. He was held at gunpoint for over two hours. I threatened his family tho so cop won't be an option for him. It's not like I would actually kill them. I wouldn't but I just couldn't have him rating me out.

When back at my house I cleaned my wounds making sure I was all good before going to bed. And god did I need sleep. The second my head hit my pillow I was out like a light.

An
Words 1319

Fucking hell that was sad. This chapter wasn't supposed to be like this I swear it just so happened.

How did her "friend" die?

(he is actually dead for all the people thinking he is the current love interest he is not, he is only a part of her past sorry)

I wanted to show that she isn't always the tough exterior she puts on. A lot of these stories don't show that they are traumatized and I wanted to show that. Not only in the form of dreams as a lot of books do.

It's two in the morning right now 😭 I need to sleep. Goodnight!

Dominique <3