Muted // Felix-centric

Chapter 26

This chapter is rather short compared to my others, but it is one of the most important one.

Also I really loved reading your ideas and comments to my questions in the last chapter. Some were really inspiring and some were really amusing. So thank you! And also thank you guys for the big support. I really appreciate it.
Spoiler: I'm currently working on chapter 41🙊

(TW: Strong language)

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"I'll never lie to you," his mother promises and Felix naturally believes it. He would have no other reason to. "Why did you say that, mommy?" asks the little boy, looking at his mother with tears in his eyes. "Oh... just because, my darling," his mother replies and Felix puts his head back on his mother's chest. "Why did you argue with Daddy?" Felix asks curiously as he wipes the last tears from his face. His mother doesn't answer at first. She just stares straight ahead and thinks about what to say to her son. He either wouldn't understand the truth or it would only hurt him, so she has to lie to him. She hates lying to Felix.

"Your dad and I just weren't sure whether we should make rice with chicken or pasta tonight," she lies to him, but continues to hold the boy close to her chest. "But you don't need to argue about that. I'll just decide what we have and then you won't have to argue anymore," says Felix with a broad grin and pushes away from his mother so that he can look her in the face. "Of course. We could have thought of that," says his mother with a joking undertone, slapping her head lightly as a sign that she is a dummy. She smiles widely and squints her eyes so that Felix doesn't see the new tears in her eyes. "Ah mama you pabo," says Felix, shaking his head slightly. Then he proudly runs to the fridge and tries to open it, but unfortunately he is still too small to do so.

"What are you trying to do Lixie?" asks his mother, laughing as she gets up from the floor and walks over to Felix. "I have to get the chicken out of the fridge," says Felix, making it sound like it goes without saying. "Of course you want the rice with chicken... what else," the mother laughs and helps her son open the fridge. "Hihi... I love chicken," Felix giggles and holds his little baby fists in front of his mouth. "Okay, then we'll have chicken today," says the mother and sits her son down on the kitchen counter and lets her son watch while she cooks.

꧁꧂

Felix is startled by the dream.

It wasn't a bad dream...

...but not a good one either.

'She lied to me...'

With tears in his eyes, Felix lies down again and tries to go back to sleep.

Preferably without a dream...

꧁꧂

"You just don't want to understand, do you!" Felix hears his mother shout from the bedroom.
"What am I supposed to understand?" his father shouts back. Felix slowly and quietly gets out of bed and opens the door slightly. The room in his parents' bedroom is lit up and the door is only slightly ajar. "I'm your fucking wife. Why do you have to treat me like that?" his mother continues to shout and as Felix quietly creeps through the hallway towards his parents' bedroom, he suddenly hears a loud bang from the room.
"Are you crazy? That was my grandfather's vase!" his father shouts at his mother. Felix gets scared. Why are his parents arguing again? The shouting scares him. And his mother has never thrown anything around in the house. She would never break anything on purpose.

"Oh, now all of a sudden you're interested in what I'm doing. Usually you're never at home to know what I'm doing. Maybe this isn't the first thing I've broken in this God damn house!" his mother continues to shout. Felix can hear his parents are both very angry. "I just don't know what your bloody problem is!" his father shouts back and now Felix is standing at the doorway, trying to peek into the room without being noticed.
"What's my problem? NO, what's your problem that you're CHEATING on me with another WOMAN!" His mother gets louder and louder. Felix doesn't understand what his mother is talking about, but he knows that his mother is in pain. She cries and screams... She never does that.

"W-what?" his father asks, suddenly becoming very quiet. "Now you're shocked, aren't you? Do you seriously think I wouldn't notice how you have to 'work late' every day, but go to that bitch instead?" Felix slaps his hand over his mouth. He can't believe that his mother has just said the B-word. "Y-you know a-about that? B-but how?" his father asks in shock. "Your secretary was nice enough to call me when you had an emergency meeting two weeks ago. She said that you should come to the company immediately, but when I told her that you weren't at home but still at work, it turned out that you told her you had planned a dinner with your girlfriend and didn't want to be disturbed unless it was an emergency," his mother begins and Felix sees his father's reaction.

"Of course I wanted to know where you were instead and she gave me the name of the restaurant. Guess what I saw," says his mother and you could see the realization on his father's face. "Janice..." he whispered quietly to himself, his eyes wide open.
"Oh is that that bitch's name.... I've seen you... with her, sticking your tongues down each other's throats," the mother said in disgust.
"B-but why didn't you say anything?" asks the father. "Would it have changed anything? You really seem to like her, otherwise you wouldn't still be seeing her. I really don't know why I'm still with you. But don't worry. I'll be gone next week," she says and lies down in bed as if nothing had ever happened.

"What do you mean?" his father asks and lies down next to her in bed. "I love you Jessica. You can't leave me," says her father, hoping that she will believe him. But she just scoffs.
"As soon as I'm gone, you can do whatever you want with her," she says and closes her eyes. When Felix realizes that his parents have nothing more to say to each other  or better said that his mother is no longer responding to his father, he goes to bed too. He lies down and doesn't feel well at all. He has just seen his parents arguing again and this time it wasn't about what to have for dinner, he is sure of it. His mom wants to leave...
"Please don't leave me mama..." whispers the boy with tears rolling down his cheeks.

꧁꧂

Again he is startled from his sleep...

'Janice...'

That's Olivia's mother.

His father cheated on his mother with Olivia's mother.

And Felix knew nothing about it back then.

Or rather, he was still too young to understand.

Felix can feel his heart beating faster and faster.

'My father is the one to blame...'

His heart didn't slow down.

'But still she chose to kill herself instead of running away from him... with me.'

He feels betrayed. He start to shake.

'She lied to me and left me... all alone'

Not even his own mother wanted him.

'She didn't care about me...'

He stopped shaking.

Suddenly everything around Felix becomes very tight and he can hardly breathe.

His vision gets weaker and weaker and his head gets dizzy.

He has a panic attack...

He needs air.

But he can't seem to do breath on his own.

It feels like someone is cutting off his air.

Is he going to die?

'Help!' Felix screams, but he can't speak.

'Please...'

Someone has to help him.

"H-He-Help!"

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Interesting, isn't it?

He always had the answer right infront of him, but he never actually saw it.

But like, why would his mother left him, IF she did?

Hope you enjoyed it!

~chichi