Daddy Issues

16 - Good to see you

Though we had fun watching the movie last night, I couldn't get the things Dan told me out of my head. From the beginning, he's been so nice, so cheerful, so optimistic. I never would have thought he would have gone through something so devastating.

I remember how pleased he seemed when we cheersed to new beginnings. Only for me to turn around and immediately break Mom's rules. Even though they're stupid, I feel sorry about that now. Because I'm starting to understand Dan. Having lost his daughter, it must bother him to see his girlfriend so at odds with her daughter. I bet he would give anything for just another conversation with her. Maybe that's why he came to find me at the club. Maybe that's why he wants things to be better between Mom and I.

Of course I'd want things to be better between us too. If anything, Dan's story made me realize how fragile life is. You could lose someone in a few moments. What if Mom's plane crashes on the way home and all I'd have would be memories of us fighting or at best, ignoring each other? Or if I died, would she feel sad that we never managed to reconnect?

I almost texted her last night, after the movie finished and we both went to bed. It's been a week since she left and I haven't had any word, aside from the occasional updates from Dan. I thought about asking her how she's doing. If everything's going well. But I know she'd just think it was weird. Maybe she'd even think that something was up if I texted her out of the blue. So in the end, I didn't do it.

Now, Dan and I in the car, on our way to uncle Bob and aunt Aileen. The vibe is good. Dan put on some old rock bands. We sing along a little, chat here and there, and sometimes I just stare out the window and let my mind zone out. I'm pretty happy to have a driver so I can just relax.

After some time of silence, Dan speaks again.

'Remind me your mom asked me to take back a baking tin that she apparently lent out some time ago.'

'Sure. So you told Mom we were going to see them? What did she say?'

'She seemed surprised.'

'Was she angry that I hadn't apologized sooner?'

'Oh,' he says, after which he clears his throat a little. 'I don't think so.'

I narrow my eyes at him. I know how she must have reacted.

She wants to go over to apologize now? I told her to do it a week ago. Never mind that she should have done it months ago. And now she wants to take up their whole day? Poor Bob, I bet he was too polite to say no.

'Can I ask you something?' I ask Dan. 'How do the two of you work? You seem so different.'

'Different how?'

'You're pretty chill and she's...' a bitch. 'She can be a little uptight.'

I know my mother is charming. She's beautiful, she's classy, she can entertain a full room with poised anecdotes. She's smart, ambitious. I can see why men are attracted to her.

But she doesn't let loose. Everything needs to be planned and everything needs to be perfect. Usually, she expects the same from the men she dates. She mostly dates highly ambitious guys with some important title. They wear expensive clothes and have perfect hair and they do fancy things together. She holds them to the same high standard that she holds herself to.

Which is why it doesn't usually work out. Men are quick to fall in love with her, but when things get real, it soon starts to crack. They either cave under the pressure, or she finds something wrong with them and breaks up with them. At least, that's what I observed when I still lived at home to see them come and go.

Dan doesn't seem to fit the picture. He doesn't seem overly ambitious. He didn't even seem to be too interested in his own job. He's quick to forgive mistakes. He doesn't seem to care about anything being perfect. I guess he's spontaneous, coming along on this visit with me. And I can't really picture him at a fancy restaurant either. He doesn't wear expensive clothes, usually just t-shirts or flannels and jeans. I don't mind any of these things, but I would have thought that Mom would have deemed them imperfect. And I don't understand why he wants to be with someone who lives so differently either.