Indian Marriage Meet

07 | Alliance 06

This happened on February , after few days of me joining my new company. My mom as usual had come up with another proposal. She even went to their house and met them once. Uff... she is unstoppable, no matter what happens.

More than these people coming to meet, it is the background work involved in it that makes me hate it. 

Every time they come, we have to clean the house and keep it ready. The guests who come, will not restrict to the living room. They casually take a look at other rooms as well. As in their son is going to stay in our house after marriage. 

They do all this checking to see, our wealth. To judge how far we will spend money and how well to do we are. 

Adding to all this, we have to buy snacks some juice , sweets, flowers and any other small necessities. Some of the people who come, would say they only drink RO water or Bisleri. 

Do they really are very careful in these things or just when they are in others house, they are doing this much drama? Only if I myself go in to their house suddenly I can figure out  if they really drink Bisleri or normal tap water. 

For each meet, it would cost 1 full day of cleaning and around 1000 to 2000 rupees. Most of the time, the meet happens on auspicious or muhurtham days. Those days the cost of flowers are high. 

Why can't they come on normal days? As if they come on muhurtham day , see me and fix the marriage. 

On a weekend, the guy, his parents, his uncle and aunt came to our house. They seemed to be good with their talks. Again we should not judge them by their looks and talks. 

After the usual formalities, which I am totally bored of repeating the same again and again , myself and the new prospective groom this time was asked to talk.

I actually lost interest in these talks. Every time, I am encountered with different set of people. Some would ask questions, some don't. Some look very good and give positive affirmations. But it will turn complete opposite the next day. 

This guy who came to see me, has very less hair and is little bald.  I don't have any qualms on it. I know some guys find it difficult to grow hair and even reach bald stage soon. I myself have very short hair which does not grow. So I know the pain of it.

Moreover, if the guy who has more hair on his head now, what if he goes bald after few months of marriage. Will you leave him because he does not have hair? no right. So it was not a big deal for me. 

He was not that great looking but was ok. This time I was ready to say ok the same day to avoid previous kind of situation. But first I need to know if he is the real one for me. 

And how would I know that. I don't know. Blank. I had a talk with him.

His family belongs to Kerala background - OK. Can adjust it

His looks were not good and he was little bald too - Ok can adjust as looks are not much important in life

His salary was less - OK with my salary as second income can manage I thought

He is UG only but I have done PG - ok not a problem. Nowadays masters does not have big value

He don't have own house - Okay.. not a problem . As I know how difficult it is to buy a house these days

The above all points does not seem to be a problem at all, as we cannot judge a person with all the qualities as in movies.

But , he had this habit of drinking for 4-5 years, which he said had quit after his sister got married. This was the only point which stuck me and made me to reject him.

Though he said, he has dumped that habit. I am reluctant. I cannot even imagine handling a person who drinks. Once we have tried it, it is difficult to leave it. 

I have seen one of my cousin, whose husband got introduced to drinks and he now drinks never endingly. Her life seemed more pitiful now. I don't want to get in to that situation. 

I am not a brave girl to face any type of hurdles in life and move on. Basically, I have lived more in the comfort zone with minimal risks. 

His parents said they are ok and asked us to take how many days we want to decide and let us know good result soon.

He informed me not to mention about his drinking habit to his parents as they might feel bad. 

Thinking of all this I decided to reject him. I did not tell my parents the real reason. Instead said I did not like him. 

So next day we called and informed them , that we are not proceeding further as I am not interested.

His mom got furious that we rejected them. She started shouting at me , even accused me for behaving falsely when they came to meet.

They were continuously calling us and were trying to convince. At one point of time, my mom told I am not interested and stated reasons of his salary as the reason for rejection.

His mom got agitated. I can understand how they are feeling. They thought this alliance would work out and her son would get married. But it all got shattered. I have also been in the same position so I was able to understand.

But she started  blaming me that I was in love with some other person and that is why I am doing all this to escape from marriage . She even cursed me saying I won't get married at all.

My relatives started blaming me for rejecting the proposal. They even asked me whether,  I was in love with anyone for rejecting the proposals. I felt very irritated and depressed after all this.

I was not allowed to live peacefully in office. Few of my relatives who came to know about this alliance , started making calls to me , just to shout at me for postponing my marriage.

Finally I told them the real reason. He has drinking habit for 5 years which he says he has stopped now. I don't have the courage to marry such a person. I am afraid that he might start the same habit later on . 

If in case any quarrels happen, he might start with that. I had no other go than telling about his habit. I was being genuine and politely declined. But his mom started accusing and cursed me, making me open the truth.

The next day, when they called, my mom told them about the real reason. His mother did not believe it and again started accusing me for blaming his son unwantedly to escape from scolding.

Later his Father spoke to us via the phone. He thanked us for providing good hospitality when they came to our house. His voice was broken when he came to know that his son was doing this all these years at the back of them. 

Finally he cut the call saying, " your daughter is really a good girl, who chose to hide this information thinking we might get hurt. I actually feel shame for giving birth to such a guy for his false behavior. May your daughter get good alliance and marry soon. I ask for forgiveness on behalf of my wife. Please don't consider her words". 

His father's voice was so broken. I really felt hurt to see him talk like that. Indeed they were a good family. His mother too , I can understand is just like my mom. My mom too was shouting and cursing the proposals in vain whoever rejected me. 

Even the guy seemed good. Except for this one thing. Did I do the right thing or wrong ? I don't know. And things have happened ,so I can't take back them.

It was a new office for me so I don't have any friends to share my feelings and was all alone crying for many days in depressed mode. I started to avoid being in contact with any of old friends. My worst phase in life.

I have been escaping these kind of difficult situations. But this marriage meet is introducing me to the new part of life. Facing and accepting rejections. It was actually bracing me up to face the harsh reality.

Let me see what more life lessons I have for future in the name of Arranged marriage meet.