Countless

Chapter 19

[Mabel]

Trigger warning: sexual assault

After what happened with my sister, we began to start speaking again. She'd tell me a little bit about her day and I'd tell her about mine. I had to admit that it was nice to be able to speak cordially again, although I was always worried it would go downhill like before.

One day she asked if we could meet. She had something important she wanted to tell me, apparently.

"Hey, what's up?" I smiled as I let her enter my apartment. Tasha was out with friends so this was the perfect time.

"Not much." Sasha wrung her hands together nervously.

"Come, let's sit."

We sat on opposite ends of the sofa, facing each other.

"So, what did you need to tell me so urgently?"

Sasha looked down. "It's about... It's about when we were younger."

I frowned, confused. "When we were younger?"

She sighed and looked into the distance, a faraway look in her eyes. I was starting to feel a bit nervous myself; just what could be so difficult to say?

"Do you wanna know how this all started?" she said finally. "The drugs, the money, all of it?"

"Yes." I nodded.

"Well..." She took a shaky breath. "Remember how dad used to be around a lot at a certain time?"

I didn't like where this was going.

"Yes, what about it?"

She took a breath and looked at me, determination in her eyes. "All throughout my childhood, he abused me."

The news dropped like a bomb and it made my blood run cold. I felt like I could hear ringing in my ears and the whole world seemed to stop. How could this be? How could this have been happening and I knew nothing about it? We lived in the same flat!

"What- How?" I was struggling to wrap my head around it.

"He was very discreet about it. Smiled at mum. Sent you off on 'errands'. Told me I was his special girl."

I felt sick and like I could actually puke. It all made sense now: the trips he'd take us on, the times he sent me off with money to go do what I wanted. Why he always hung around even when mum wasn't in a relationship with him anymore. And the worst part was that I'd seen him when I went up to Edinburgh with Kibum, at the markets. I'd greeted him, I'd actually smiled at that monster and felt happy to see him.

I was a horrible sister.

"That bastard," I mumbled. "That sick bastard!" I stood up, enraged. "I'm gonna kill him. He's gonna wish he never even knew mum!"

Sasha stood up and put her hands on my shoulders. "It's okay. It won't solve anything, anyway. I just wanted you to know."

"Why didn't you tell me?" I didn't bother holding back the tears that dripped down my cheeks.

"Because I didn't think I could tell anyone. And then the new friends I made and drugs made it all better."

I sobbed openly. "I didn't notice a thing. I'm a horrible sibling. All this time I could have done something and I did nothing! And then I didn't even speak to you for two years."

Sasha embraced me in a hug, and we both stayed there like that for what felt like eternity, both of us in tears. I wished things had been different between us. Maybe then she wouldn't have turned out this way. I wished I hadn't been so busy trying to survive and live a better life.