Dr.Indecisive (Ft.YUNGBLUD)

Chapter 48

It's been a few weeks, let me catch you up.

I'm officially past my first trimester. I'm about 15 weeks pregnant. We've been on the phone and I'm meeting a TON so we are ready to finally announce tour and we're all super excited. The twins are going to stay home with my mom and her girlfriend while Aubrey comes with us on tour. Aubrey is officially homeschooled now and I have to admit, it's crazy being able to actually see and hear how smart she is. She has her own room now and I've learned she LOVES to read. Aannddd I think that pretty much sums it up.

Right now we're all in the studio packing up our instruments for tour.
"Is Aubrey excited?" Scarlett asks.
"Oh yeah" I say.
"She's excited, she can't wait to see all the different venues and meet people" Ryan says.

"How do you parents feel about you going on tour with Dom?" I ask Ryan.

"They are happy for me, they just aren't happy we're homeschooling Aubrey." He says.

I look at him. "No, they're not happy that I'm more involved." I say as I put my guitar in its case.

"It's not my fault. They just think we should have stayed together. They thought that it was wrong that I had custody of her, they didn't understand why you couldn't" he says.

"Yeah because I wouldn't tell your parents that my dad was a predator. I didn't want to risk never seeing my daughter again" I say after I look at him.

"If you would have told them they would have understood you know" he says back.
"Oh really? Before or after a court case? Because that's how they are with me. Ever since I missed her second doctor appointment they had something against me Ryan" I say with my voice a little louder.

"Well you could have been there if you would have went to the cops before she was even born, then you could have had custody" he says a little louder than before.

"Seriously? Do you know what it's like to be held down by your father and violated? Do you know the feeling when you're told to never tell anyone about what he does to you? You don't know what it's like, going through the pain and fear of living with him. I needed to protect her from that and I still failed" I say to him but now I'm crying as I yell at him.

"What do you mean Nicole? Did you leave him alone with her?" He says to me.

"I never did. She was only with me or my mother. If my dad was home she was with me" I say and bite my lip.

"There was only one time I dropped her off and you weren't home, so I left her with both of your parents while they waited for you to get home from work. So it had to have been on your watch" he says.

"Ryan . . . My dad had my mom leave the house to run bullshit errands so he could do stuff to me. You knew this" I tell him.

"Be realistic, she would have brought her with her. Besides you were home 20 minutes later" he says to me.

"You'd be surprised on what he can make happen in just 20 minutes Ryan. You don't know the type of person my father was" I say to him.

"We wouldn't have had to worry about him being left alone with her if you weren't such a scared little girl" he says to me.

"You're such a dick" I say to him and leave the studio. On my way back up to the house I manage to pull myself together so it's not obvious that I was crying.

I walk in the house and see Aubrey is just finishing up her schoolwork for the day. She closes the laptop and looks at me.

"Hey . . . Mom?"
"Yes hunny?" I say.
"I . . . . Wanna change my hair." She says.
"What do you wanna do with it?" I ask and sit next to her.
She pulls up a picture of a pixie cut and shows me.
"Maybe we could go to a salon and get it cut and then . . . You dye it for me?" She asks.
I nod and smile.
"Of course. Do you wanna talk it over with Dad first?" I ask her.
"No, I wanna surprise him" she says with a smile.