Our Heart (Rewritten)

Feelings

When Peat finally makes it back by the next day, he goes straight to Noeul's house wherein he's greeted by his mother who's visibly in distress.

"I don't what happened. Maybe...maybe we rushed into it?"

"No, no, auntie. This isn't your fault." Peat reassures her, gently rubbing her cold hands.

"Then what happened? Would you happen to know?" She asks.

But at this, Peat only tells her, "May I see him first, auntie?" And stifling back a sob, the older woman nods and lets the young man head up the stairs to Noeul's room.

It's locked.

Peat takes a deep breath. This is bad and the fact that, despite hating his mother's rule about keeping his doors unlocked at all times, Noeul had never once locked this door until now proves it.

"Noeul..." Peat calls his name softly, hearing his own voice tremble. "Noeul, I'm sorry. May we talk? ...Please."

From the other side of the door, he can hear Noeul sniffling sharply and taking ragged breaths possibly from bouts of crying all throughout the night.

Peat feels so helpless but he can't imagine how Noeul must feel; finding out his heart belonged to his lover's ex, then hearing how pretty much everyone around him knew. That can't be easy to process and for sure, he's questioning everything—including himself.

But as much as Peat wants to talk to him and explain everything—everything that's within his ability and right to explain—he can't force Noeul if he isn't ready.

"I'm sorry." He says once more and barely whispers the rest. "I'll be downstairs if you need me." He turns on his heel with his shoulders down but then, the lock suddenly clicks open. Peat whips back around and enters the room, both slowly and eagerly.

"Noeul?" He peeps but when he sees those sad eyes brimming with tears and the boy looking even smaller while embracing himself, Peat rushes in and pulls him into the tightest hug. "Oh, Noeul."

"Peat..." Noeul mumbles into his shirt whilst sobbing uncontrollably. "I don't want this heart anymore."

He starts pounding on his chest, each hit harder than the one before. The very thing that once symbolized a new beginning now feels as though it'll be the end of him. And he would tear this heart out of his chest if he could.

Peat then grabs his hands and pleads to the boy whilst he too cries. "Noeul, don't. Don't do this to yourself. None of this is your fault, okay?"

But for someone who isn't at fault, Noeul sure feels like he's being punished. Wasn't it enough that all his life, he battled a disease that kept him from living, that he'd only started having even just a semblance of normalcy not too long ago and that he's been poked, cut and sewn back together—literally? 

What else? What else will life throw his way or take from him? His sense of self? Or maybe...Boss?

~~~

When Fort first arrives at his dorm and flicks the light on, he finds Boss sitting on the floor with his legs sprawled out. 

He looks devastated and has a bottle of vodka in his hand. But Fort can tell he's hardly drank any and that he's been crying. He joins his friend on the kitchen floor and slowly pats him on the back after which Boss shakes his head, hiding his face behind his hand as he starts to tear up again.

"Give it time, man. Give it time." Fort tells him quietly even though he himself doesn't know if this is something that time can actually fix. "You came, you showed up. That's what matters."