Complex ∞ Lando Norris x Oscar Piastri

𝘊𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘵𝘦𝘳 16

♫ I've had days I feel I don't deserve love
So think what you think, just don't call me a mistake ♫

Eleanor Norris POV

Why the fuck would I ask him that? I don't care what his preferences are. I don't give a fuck actually. His eyes just kept traveling between my eyes and my lips, until he put his seatbelt on and drove off. We arrived at the apartment, I ate something quick and went to take a shower.

I got out and looked into the mirror and stayed there. What made Lando treat me like I'm not worthy of his time? Which one of my defects turned me into such an undesirable wife after a single night?

I am criticized and hated online, but no one could ever hate me as much as I do. No. One person can. My mom. I'm the reason my parents got divorced. I'm the reason our home life crawled apart.

Emily was an easy pregnancy. I wasn't. My mom hated being pregnant with me, she hated what I did to her body, she hated me for being born too early, it was either having a c-section or me dying, she would rather have me die than have such an ugly scar on her, gladly she was also unconscious when the option was given.

I grew up with a loving and doting father, an older sister who protected me, and a mother who hated me. She neglected me until I was old enough for her to pass her insecurities to me. She told me how gorgeous I was, and that's why she put me into modeling, that's what she said in public.

But in private, there was also something I could do to be better. I could be skinnier, I couldn't have acne, I needed to be more educated, I had to smile more. I needed to make grown men want me even if I was just a child. I did everything for her to love me, and nothing was ever enough.

My dad entered my room once, she was checking my measurements and I was an inch too big on my waist, she slapped me and I just fell on the floor. He and Em watched it all, I ran to the toilet to vomit. That showed them the eating disorder I had developed years ago before I even knew that was a thing. I was 12 years old the day hell broke loose in our house.

So now, I never feel good enough. I never let a man see me without makeup, I need to be on my best behavior, I have forbidden foods she never allowed me to eat and I've never even thought about eating them. I don't force myself to vomit anymore, I needed a lot of therapy to stop it. She was forbidden from seeing me, but she would find ways to see me in school or someplace my dad and Emily weren't in.

Charlotte Badden is the blame for many of my problems, but now I can only blame myself for the shitshow that my life has turned into. My dad didn't help but I knew he had some good reason behind it.

What was Lando seeing that didn't please him? Or is he just an asshole? Maybe this time it's not my fault. Oscar never complained, he always showered me with compliments. I can't go back to the part of the cycle where I try to find the flaws so I can be perfect. I had my makeup, I did chores, I smiled and I showed availability, I didn't show any moment of weakness so it wasn't my fault. Right?

"Ellie! I'm ordering McDonald's, do you want some?" His voice sounds through the door and it startles me. I put on my pajamas and look at my bare face, he can't see me like this.

"Hm, no! Thank you!" I yell back as I wonder, is McDonald's that good? I never tried fast food, dad was too busy working and she controlled it. She left and I never got close to that, should I try those things now that I feel better with myself?

"You need to eat something. What do you want me to order for you?" He asks as I hear his shoulder hitting the door as he leans on it.

"I ate when we got here. Since when do you care?" I ask confusedly by the sudden worry.

"You know I care. You ate a pack of three cookies, and they aren't even that good! I've tried them. I am going inside and I will make you go out with me and eat if you don't do it of your own free will," he warns me and I really do consider he might be bluffing, which I hope he is because I am not going to do my makeup and my hair is still drying.

"Leave me alone like you've done for the last 6 months!" I basically implored him and I knew he was shaking his head.

"I will call Emily and ask her what you eat for dinner. See you in a bit!" He says as he leaves the door.

I darted out of the door and found him about to enter the living room. I did what I had to do, I ran in his direction, used the couch, and landed on his back. He dropped his phone because it was either that or I would fall. He was able to secure me and he put me on the couch safely. Once he turned around he was immediately surprised, and that is when it hit me. I am not wearing makeup! FUCK.

I tried to stand up and run but his body stopped me from doing it, his hand grabbed my wrist and lightly sat me again on the couch as he obviously seemed to see every detail on my face. I look like shit. This can't be happening.