It's always been you, April Kepner

i'm fine

The great pretender
season 11 ep 12

🎵You're On Your Own Kid-Taylor Swift🎵

"you're on your own kid, you always have been"

~~~~~

"You're back" Madelyn says walking knot the attending's lounge and seeing Meredith

"Uh yeah" the blonde replies "And you're back?" she phrases as a question

"Yep. Back and ready to work" Madelyn replies

"Good. How's April?" Mer asks

"Eh" Madelyn shrugs "How's Derek?"

"He's good. He umm, he sends you all his love or something like that..." the blonde trails off

"Really? Because he hasn't called or texted me at all, not a single word" Madelyn says studying the blondes face for a reaction "Ha. You didn't go did you" she says

"I swear I was going to but-"

"It's fine I won't tell anyone. He's in my bad books at the moment anyway" Madelyn says on her way out

"Yeah mine too" Mer mutters to herself

~~~~~

Someone enters Madelyn's office "Mom?" she exclaims

"Madelyn" the woman replies

"What are you-"

"April called" Carolyn says "She told me everything"

"April called-"

"She's growing on me. She and I both agree you call your mom in a time of need" Carolyn says

"I'm not in a time of need" Madelyn mutters "I'm working"

"Is April here?" Carolyn asks

"No"

"How is April?"

"Mom" Madelyn groans "She's fine. I'm fine. We're all fine"

"Mm-hmm. I don't believe that for one second"

"What do you want me to say?" Madelyn exclaims "She's sad, obviously. April is angry, okay? About the baby, about God. She just needs her space. And I can't help her. I just make her crazy, which just makes me feel useless"

"What about you?" Carolyn asks

"What about me Mom? I'm used to shit happening in my life. I'm over it now, you should get over it too. You know what, you should go. I appreciate you coming here. But the way you spoke to and about my wife last time was unacceptable. I'm not ready to have you in my life again. So just go home Mom"

As Madelyn leaves she bumps into Amelia "Moms in there, run while you can"

"Moms here?" Amelia exclaims "Oh god" she repeats while she frantically walks off

~~~~~

"I just finished post-op checks on all your patients. Everyone's good" Jo says handing the charts over to Madelyn

"Great. Thank you" Madelyn replies

"Are you good?" Jo asks

"Always" Madelyn replies with a fake smile

"Mads-"

"Thank you for checking on my post-ops" Madelyn says cutting the resident off "Go home, you're done for the night" she dismisses while walking away

~~~~~

Madelyn walks into the apartment, immediately noting everything is the exact way it was when she left this morning.

She lets out a deep sigh and heads towards the nursery, sure enough April is sat in the chair

"Hi" Madelyn says but there's no acknowledgment of her existence "How was your day" she asks, knowing what the answer would be but wanting something more

"How do you think my day was?" April says

"Yeah I wasn't really asking, I was hoping maybe you'd ask me how mine was so I could bring up the fact that you called my mom knowing that is something I wouldn't want or need" Madelyn replies

"Everyone needs their mom"

"No. No they don't" Madelyn says "I don't. So i'd appreciate if you could respect that"

"Are you saying I don't respect you?" April asks

"You know that that's not what i'm saying"

"Really? Because it kinda sounds like it" April says

"April" Madelyn says "What can I do?" she asks

"My baby died, so unless you can change that, you can't do anything" April says

"Our baby died. You keep saying 'my' but Samuel was our baby" Madelyn says making April turn away "You know what. Maybe I was trying to say you don't respect me, yeah you don't"

"Wow. That's- that's perfect" April says "That's great"

"Have you eaten toady?" Madelyn asks "I'm gonna make dinner, should be ready in half an hour. There will be enough for us both" before she turns to leave she says "I love you"

April doesn't move but she does let out a small "l love you too"

Madelyn smiles to herself even though she wasn't sure April meant those words in that moment she didn't care.

What she did care about was the fact that she ate alone that night, yeah she'd done it before. But it wasn't the same this time. This time it actually felt like she was alone.