Thunder's Affliction (Updating)

Chapter 17

Chapter 17

Hapon na kami umuwi ni Sky. Dumaan din kami sa office ni Doctora Muñoz, and she gave me advice for my pregnancy.

"Why don't you tell Thunder about the baby? I think he needs to know, Heaven." mabilis akong umiling.

"No. I don't want to inflict another pain on him, knowing na nagbunga iyong ginawa ko? Sky, I can't." No, Thunder had enough. At isa pa hindi ko magagawang ipaliwanag sa kaniya na kaniya ito, lalo pa't kahit ako ay hindi rin sigurado.

"Hindi ba talaga si Thunder?" she asked, hindi namin ito napagusapan ni Sky dati. Ngayon lang dahil alam niyang hindi pa ako noon ready na pagusapan.

"I don't really know Sky, masyadong malabo. Something happened between me and Thunder the same week that bullshit happened. Kaya hindi ako sigurado. I am so fucking stupid, Sky. So stupid!" may kumawalang luha sa mga mata ko.

"DNA will tell you who the father is. Kapit ka lang Heaven, hmmm? We will do everything to live and to survive. We'll do everything to fix this." She tried to comfort me at tumango na lang ako.

Nang makauwi kami ay agad akong nagpahinga. Hinayaan lang ako ni Sky. Good thing walang media ang nakakita sa amin. It would be so stressful if one of them saw us. Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit ayaw nila kaming tigilan pero mukha namang kahit paano ay tumitigil na sila.

I woke up after an hour of sleep. It's already 7 in the evening. I searched for my phone na medyo matagal ko ring hindi nabuksan. Pagbukas ko noon ay picture namin ni Thunder ang sumalubong sa akin. Hindi ko pa pala napapalitan ang lockscreen wallpaper ng phone ko.

I miss him. Miss na miss ko na si Thunder. Kahit na masungit at suplado 'yon, mahal na mahal ako noon dati.

Inipit ko ang hikbi at kinagat ang daliri habang tinititigan ang mukha ni Thunder sa picture namin. Nakahalik ako sa pisngi niya habang may maliit na ngiti sa mga labi niya. I wish we could go back to this moment where everything is still fine. Still okay.

"Heaven? Gising ka na ba? Kain na tayo?" Sky knocked on my door. Mabilis kong tinuyo ang mga luha ko at tumikhim bago lumabas ng kwarto. Sinundan ko si Sky sa kitchen at tahimik na naupo sa silya.

"May. . ." tumingin ako sa kaniya matapos sumubo ng pagkain. Marahan akong ngumuya waiting for the next words she wanted to say.

"May aasikasuhin lang ako bukas, Heaven. Will you be okay here?" tumango naman ako at patuloy na ngumuya.

"Yes, o-order na lang ako ng foods kapag nagutom ako." mukhang napanatag naman siya sa sinabi ko.

The dinner ended when I noticed that we're actually living alone here. Nagtaka ako. Hindi ako nagtanong noong makauwi kami rito kasi iniisip ko baka off lang ng maids.

"Bakit nga pala wala na sila manang, Sky?" malumanay na tanong ko na kinatigil niya.

"Ah, nag-resign n-na sila. Dahil sa issue ng family natin." marahan lang akong tumango at hindi na nagtanong pa. Ako na lang ang nagpresenta na maghugas ng pinagkainan namin para makapagpahinga na siya at buti na lang hindi na siya nagpilit.

Matapos ko namang maghugas ng plates ay bumalik na ako sa kwarto ko. I took my vitamins as I took a quick shower. After changing into my nightwear, I immediately dashed off my bed. Unti-unti rin naman akong nakaramdam ng antok after that.

MAAGANG umalis si Sky. I was left there alone. Instead of watching, I decided to sketch some designs. I was busy doing that when my phone vibrated. I checked it, expecting that Sky texted me ngunit kumunot ang noo ko, when it was Ms. Monique, my boss texted me.

From: Ms. Monique

I'm sorry, Heaven. I know you're just on leave, and you've been through a lot. But because of your family issue, I don't think it is healthy to let you stay in my company. May mga nagsisimula na kasing mag-pull out ng shares nila dahil nasa company kita. I'm very sorry; I cannot risk my business.

Bumagsak ang kamay kong may hawak na lapis at napabuntong hininga na lang. I threw my sketch pad away and shut my eyes. Umasa ako na baka hindi, na baka hindi mangyari ang inaasahan ko. But now. . . now I'm fired.

I totally lost everything.

Gusto kong maiyak pero wala naman iyong magagawa. I cannot force Ms. Monique to take me back.

Pumasok sa isip ko si Thunder. Thunder was my comfort. Kapag kasama ko siya, nagiging okay ang lahat. Kapag nasa tabi ko siya, lumalakas ang loob ko. Kapag kasama ko siya, kahit gaano nakakapagod ang mundo, nagiging okay kasi alam kong kasama ko siya.

Thunder, I miss you so much.

Hindi ko alam kung anong pumasok sa isip ko at that time. I dressed up, took a cap and mask, and left the house.

I wanted to see Thunder. Kahit sulyap lang. I want to check what he's been doing the whole month na hiwalay kami.

Pumara ako ng taxi at nagpahatid sa company ni Thunder, kasi alam kong andoon siya ngayon. Hindi ako pumasok dahil wala akong pass. Mahigpit sa company niya at employees lang ang nakakapasok at iyong may mga VIP pass. Nakontento na lang ako sa labas, hinihintay na makita siya. It was already afternoon, kaya alam kong malapit na siyang lumabas.

After an hour of waiting, I saw him leaving the building. Napatayo ako at halos maluha na pinanood siyang maglakad patungo sa parking lot kung saan naka-park ang kotse niya.

I told myself I just wanted to see him, pero tila may sariling isip ang mga paa ko. I found myself walking toward him. Hindi natuloy ang pagbukas ng pinto ng kotse niya when he noticed me approaching. I saw how his eyes darkened and his jaw clenched upon seeing me.

"T-Thunder, hi." hindi nagbago ang emosyon niya. Napansin ko ring nakakuyom ang kamao niya kaya iniwas ko agad ang mga mata ko upang hindi na makita iyon.

"The hell are you doing here, Dacera?" He's really mad.

"I-I just want to check i-if you're okay." nakakainsulto siyang ngumisi sa akin at nailing.

"You don't have to do that." bubuksan na sana niya ang pinto when I stopped him.

"Thunder naman, patawarin mo na ako. I-I didn't want that. If there is something true, it's the truth that I didn't want that to happen." his eyes darkened as he gritted his teeth.

"And you expect me to believe that? Can you hear yourself? Hindi mo ginusto? I'd fucking hear that so many times with people like you, Dacera! Cheating is a choice! It is your choice to fuck with that fucking bastard!" Ramdam ko ang galit at sakit sa boses niya at halos manginig ang tuhod ko dahil nasasaktan ako hindi lang sa sinasabi niya, kundi sa katotohanan na nasasaktan siya, nasaktan ko siya ng sobra. I caused him trauma and pain.

"Thunder. . . I'm really sorry. Please, I'm sorry. Miss na kita. P-patawarin mo na ako. Please! I love you!" I hold his hand, pero iwinaksi niya ang kamay ko, dahilan para muntik akong madapa. Tila nandidiri siyang tumingin sa akin matapos iyon. I feel so destroyed by that look na halos mapahikbi na lang ako habang pinapanood siyang buksan ang pinti ng kotse niya.

"Leave me alone, Dacera. And don't ever touch me again." mariin na sabi niya nang hindi na nakatingin sa akin bago sumakay sa kotse niya.

My breathing became rough as I watched his car leave.

I remember it clearly. I remember him crying and kneeling in front of me out of so much pain. He cried so hard when we broke up at para akong pinapatay na makita iyon.

I just thought I could be the cure for his wounds, but truth is told, I was the one who caused those wounds that would leave scars on him.

I am not the answer to his affliction. I am the reason he cried. I am the reason he's hurt. I am his pain. I am Thunder's affliction.

. . .