It Happened On One Monsoon

25: A Stroll in The Garden

[ Kavya's POV ]

Between life & death lies a space for you - a space not so mountainous, but rather a compact flat land; there, build a house of your dreams and spend the rest of your life living it the way you always wanted to, they said.

Spend the rest of my life the way I wanted to, they said, and I smiled at him with my heart murmuring an unheard prayer for I didn't want them to perceive the pain it endured.

Little do they know that when the supreme being from nine clouds above draws a boundary over the time you have remaining, you've lost the right to live the life you wanted, as you watch yourself loosen the grip around the life you have.

Why do we hold one back their whole life; limiting their dreams and throwing restrictions over every little thing they do like confetti, but liberate them and show them freedom when they're dying?

Do they not know that when you're looking at death in the eyes, it does not matter one bit about how you're living the last moments of your life? Do they not know that when your life escapes your soul, the last thing one thinks about is how to decorate the rooms of an abandoned life, after a storm?

When you're dying, living is the greatest gift you own, no matter how that gift is, because you no longer have options to pick from, nor the strength to do anything different.

Between life & death lies a space, where my heart whispers a small prayer for every breath I take.

♡ Kavya Roy

As much as I struggle to face the bitter truth almost every day, I've lost the battle to cancer. The battle was tough, and unbearably painful on most days. There have been days where I'd simply lie on my back with my eyes glued to the plain white ceiling, praying for God to cease my heart beats, to take the soul left in my body, as medicine after medicine were infused into my veins.

I've made peace with the fact that you cannot win every battle you face against life, although on some days, the truth almost strangulates me to death and on other days, my heart remains unbothered for one day, all of us have to take our ticket back to where we came from.

In the past two years, I've missed out a lot in life, and honestly - nothing hurts more than that. I don't know what to start with.

My friends - who were once medical students with me - are now successful doctors, living the life of their dreams in the UK. It was unbearably overwhelming to have an insight of their life through Instagram stories for it made it difficult for me to accept mine. Without a doubt, I'm over the moon that all of them could make it as Doctors, but every time I take a look at their pictures, the corner of my heart whispers that I deserved to be there, too. Even though I was forced to study Medicine, overtime I was drawn towards the field and I couldn't wait to take people out of their sufferings, but life tossed me into a space where I couldn't even help myself, even if I wanted to.

Aisha and I have sort of grown apart, as friends. The endlessly long and frequent video calls turned into scarce and short video calls eery other day. I chose to keep her away from me, because I wanted her to get over the attachments she shared with me. One day, I'll be gone and from that day on, she'll struggle to move on. Even though miles apart with a border between us, the two of us were joined at the hip. We were inseparable, but now is not the time to hold her back, within the walls of the abandoned room I lived in for she has her life to look after.