It Happened On One Monsoon

22: Square-One

[ Darshan's POV ]

I accepted the job offer to Dubai.

Without sparing a moment for second thoughts for I know that if I take a pause to think, I'll fall back into the same, old trap of dreams followed by sleepless nights driven by guilt.

I had around eight days left until my flight to Dubai, and honestly - everything happened too quick, I don't know what to feel about the whole thing. I cannot call it joy, but there's this sense of relief that I'll no longer be caught up in the vicious cycle of struggling to serve my family's need. On one side, it hurts that my whole purpose of staying in Mumbai had absolutely no positive outcome and that my dreams were mere dreams, but I think that's life. The sooner I make peace with the truth, the easier I would be for me to move on.

I'm just worried about how Chinmay would take the news; he tends to react before understanding the situation. All I can wish for is for him to understand why I did what I did.

"You didn't show up for the practice. Are you feeling okay?", Chinmay walks into the living room and drops his car key on the coffee table. "Ma, two cups of coffee. Please!", he orders and settles on the couch, looking at me for an answer.

I'm sweating. How do I break the news to him? How do I tell him that I'm never going to make it to any of the practises?

I clasp my hands together and swallow hard, gathering myself together.

"I have to tell you something", my voice resembles the wind; shaky and soft. "I'm listening", he chews the corner of his lip while scrolling through his phone. "Chinmay, I won't be coming for practices anymore", I tell him, but he doesn't seem bothered. "Don't you like the coach? We can change him if you want", he misses the point.

Just blurt it out, Darshan. Just say it. Tell him you're gone forever and that the dream is no longer 'ours'.

"I---uh---", I take a deep breath in. "I'm going to Dubai next week", I vomit the truth out and within a second, his head snaps up. "Dubai?", he echoes with a perplexed expression shadowing his face.

"Do you remember how Chiraag Maamu kept sending me job offers ever since I moved to Mumbai?", I start off from somewhere. "Yes. But why are you going to Dubai?", he stresses.

"I found a job there!", I state and silence echoes in the living room.

Just then, his mom walks in with a tray and keeps it on the table, while Chinmay gawks at me, bewildered, from across the table. The daunting silence continues to scream in the living room for a long moment, until his mom walks out.

"Job? I don't understand, Darshan", he furrows his eyebrows. "See, things have been so difficult off late, Chinmay. Our expenditures are increasing by the day, and we cannot meet them at all. The job at the call centre isn't enough. We haven't signed any gigs. I have nothing in my hand. It's been five years since we started - I was empty back then, and I'm still empty. I have a family that depends on me, I cannot do this anymore", I explain.

"And our dream?", he raises the question. "Chinmay---", I breathe, hanging my head low. "This dream isn't going to work for me", I tell him. "It hasn't been working for me, either, Darshan - just as much as it hasn't been working for you! Why are you making it look like you're the only one who has been fighting and struggling for the past five years? If you were punched in the gut, I was, too!", he argues.

"Our circumstances are so different, Chinmay", I remind him. "If money was all you needed - you could have fucking asked me!", his rises to his feet in anger. "Do you want me to depend on you for the rest of my life and live with that guilt?", I argue.