It Happened On One Monsoon

03: Broken Dreams

[Darshan's POV]

You know that your life has fallen far out of your control when all your heart wants to do is - run back to the comforts of your home. And now, it would be a criminal offence to even use the words comfort and my home next to each other.

My small world - back in Ahmedabad - is nothing short of chaotic. When I lived there, not even a single day passed without me fighting the urge to runaway.

We once lived a happy, content life, but life happened to us - and the fall we witnessed has left behind scars that wouldn't heal. At least, it wouldn't heal until I rise to my feet and pull my family out of it. But I feel that's such a far-fetched dream now.

Why am I even here? What am I doing with my life? My shoulders are heavy with the expectations my family has from me. When I left to Mumbai, I promised Maa and my older sister that I would put an end to all the struggles and that we would eventually see that light we always wanted to. They're living every day with the hopes that I would save them from the darkness of my father, but I can barely save myself right now. How can I fight for my family, when I'm too weak to stand on my own feet?

I take one of the deepest breaths in and shut my eyes for a moment. I need to quit questioning myself all the time. I remember Chinmay's words - your doubts are not going to take you anywhere, Darsh. It's only going to drag you down.

"Darshan---", a soft voice emerges from behind me, cutting through my stream of thoughts. "Maa forgot to serve you your drink. Here", wearing a small smile, she holds out the glass.

Kavya Roy - the smarter and sorted Roy in the family, I'd tell Chinmay and although he would punch me straight in the pit of my stomach, he would never disagree; he loved her with all his heart...even though they didn't get along that well. She was so different from him - in terms of basically...everything!

He was insanely extroverted, she was the silent introvert. He was a party animal, she hated social gatherings. He believed in chasing his dreams, no matter how things ended; she wasn't that adventurous. I remember Chinmay once told me that Kavya had dreams of becoming a writer, but she chickened-out because the writing industry was an uncertain space to be in. Hence, she chose the safer option- medicine. She was naturally smart so it wasn't a drastic challenge for her.

There's only so much I know about her. All through Chinmay. I've known Chinmay for around 15 years now, but I've never interacted with her on a personal level.

"Thank you. I was thirsty", I smile back at her, watching her clasp her hands together. "I'm really sorry. Mom's all over the place, she forgot. You know her, right!", she explains and we fall silent. I honestly don't know what to talk about with her; we have nothing that I know of in common.

"If you don't mind, I'll stay here for a bit? It's too noisy in there", she looks at me expectantly. "Your house, your party. You can stay anywhere you want", I shrug and she smiles, taking a couple of steps forward and leans forward on the rails next to me.

While Kavya fidgets with the bracelet on her wrist, I simply gaze at the empty night sky, wondering what I'm going to do tonight...and the rest of my life.

"How's everyone at home?", she speaks up, around a minute later. "They're...not bad", I turn to look at her. "How's Sara Di doing? She must be working now, right?", she questions next and my heart drops straight into the depths of my stomach. "She's not. She couldn't complete her degree. We're looking out for marriage proposals for her", I reveal and notice the look of concern that embraces her face. "Oh", she utters softly and looks away, perplexed.

Her confusion makes sense. Everyone was aware that Sara was the brightest one out there. They were certain that she would land somewhere great in life. But Sara quit dreaming so that I could still continue to dream and I honestly cannot look at her in the eyes anymore. Because the magnitude of her sacrifice is immeasurable and I've only been a let down so far. She buried her dreams with a smile, and I cannot imagine the pain behind that smile.

"How are things with you?", I aim a question at her, and she shrugs almost cluelessly. "Not bad, I guess. I'll be graduating next year", she answers back. "You'll be working in the UK?", I cue. "If I get through - definitely. The NHS pays pretty well", she states and I honestly don't know what "the NHS" is, but I know for sure that she has her life sorted ahead of her.

"I haven't heard from you in three years. How are you, Darshan?", she brings the spotlight on me and my only thought is - where do I start from? I remain silent for a while, trying to collect all my thoughts. "It's been a struggle, you know---", I almost open up, when it hits me that it's Chinmay's sister I'm talking to. I haven't talked to her in ages, what makes me think it's okay to release my bottled up feelings to her? "---but I know that things will get better. Eventually", I force a smile.

"Chinmay always has your back", she comforts. "That's the problem. He never leaves me alone", I whisper, jokingly, and she chuckles. "Okay, I think you should go back in before Aunty gets mad at me. I stole her son, and she'll go bonkers if I steal you, too!", I tell her and she stares at me, absolutely lost. Did i say something wrong?

"Yup. I should go back in", she zones back in and looks around, awkwardly, as she tucks her hair behind her ear.

"Uhm, Darshan---", she calls out, nervously. "---if you need anything, you can call out for me. I'll be around", she was kind enough to offer some help. "Enjoy the party", I smile at her and she makes a face, before being swallowed back in.

I left the party before Chinmay returned; he was missing in action for a good two hours.

I aimlessly walked down the empty streets, without a sense of direction or destination. My heart felt heavy that night. I've been through worse, but no matter what - I always had a roof over my head and a space I could sleep off my worries away.

I settled down on a plastic stool, beside a tea-stall once I ordered a cup of Chai and looked down at my phone, at Maa's contact. Maybe, her voice is all I need right now to soothe my relentlessly thudding heart.

"Darshu? Are you okay?", her voice quivers with panic the moment she answers the call. "How are you, Maa?", I question, calmly. "I'm okay. How are you? You haven't called in two weeks", she tells me. "I was just busy", I breathe.

"Is everything okay there?", I ask her. "Yeah, yeah", she answers back but it takes her a whole moment and her voice...sounds uncertain. As though she was battling between telling me the truth or not. "You don't have to hide anything from me, Maa", I tell her.

"We found a good proposal for Sara; the boy lives and works in Bangalore. But the family asked for at least a bike or 5 lakhs cash as dowry. All the other proposals were worse than this; either the families are horrible or their demands are much more than what we can afford", she explains. "Does Sara like him?", that's the only question I have. "A lot. She isn't openly talking about it because she knows that there's a chance of the proposal breaking off if we cannot meet their needs. But she's really happy", Maa replies and I listen on.

"I don't know what to do, Darshan. They need an answer by the end of this week. She's getting older also. People are saying all sorts of things. She doesn't even step out or talk to anyone anymore. What do I do?", Maa pauses.

"Finalise the proposal", I blurt out, without giving it a second thought.

"Darshan, the money---", Maa unveils her concern. "That's my concern, Maa. Just take the proposal forward", I stick to my words.

I honestly don't know with what trust, I told Maa to move ahead with the proposal. But that moment, my heart said just one thing - she couldn't live the life she dreamt of and deserved because of me, so I owe her at least this share of her life.

I thought talking to Maa would calm me down, but it only made things worse.
♡

[hola, hola! A slow take off, but the story will definitely be worth your time. Take my word on this! How was the chapter cuties? Let me know in the comments. You know that I'm more than eager for that! All my pyaar to you all].