DAZED

Chapter 1: New Year

Looking out from the windows, as far as my eyes could see, I reminisce how ridiculous those dreams I made and promised myself years ago. It was out of question, stupid, an unwisely choice of words, spouted out from madness. Had I known such unexpected circumstances, then, maybe I shouldn't have predicted highly of what I could achieve and become as a person. Never did I expect to see myself overwhelmed by the world and even the mere thought and existence of someone like myself.

Growing up, I was brought up fairly well, like any other kids I know. We were poor but ate three meals per day, school was afforded and needs and wants were provided to an extent that it was enough to live by. Given the fact that my mother was the breadwinner of the family and was able to provide all that, was the most heroic thing I could ever think of. On the other hand, my father was a useless one, of whom I could only remember on forms and documents, he was someone, I could call as a severely immature man. Maybe, it was from him that I got my pessimism and mental health problems.

By the time I turned nineteen, I shifted my course to Liberal Arts contradicting the idea of graduating as early as possible, on the time I turn twenty-one perhaps, which might actually turn to four years more or so. I never actually meant it to be, the turn of events is what did it, blaming myself for that. Becoming someone I had hated, to be as despicable as I can be, I never even imagined it on the day I turned seventeen.

On the first day of January, my first kiss was taken at the age of sixteen. I thought that I had it under control, saving the romances after marriage and to a perfect man. Yet, I never even imagined that it would be a woman who steals that away. I never even acknowledge the fact that I was gay or even have considered myself as bisexual, nor have I thought and foreseen myself with a woman. Still, on the first day of that year, it was apparent that all my beliefs in romances are about to change.

It was New Year's eve, so celebration is a go on every household and establishments you could think of during these occasions, well, for me, we were celebrating at my workplace with some family members and strangers that are free to come in and dine, free of charge throughout the night. It was a small town with barely five- thousand residents, where everybody knows everybody, but it was also a town where favorite spots are visited by thousand of tourists every year. One of which it's leading income is tourism.

That night was a night of joy, there were a lot of booze and some singing, knowing and conversing with strangers. It was a place where a standard isn't placed, it's about knowing somebody, either local or visitor. But I wasn't the type to socialize, only conversing with people I know from time to time, if I wasn't by the rear end table drinking, waiting for the count down and fireworks. It was what I was looking forward to see that night, fireworks, which only comes into town during New Years.

"Hey! Is the seat taken?", a tall brunette woman, who doesn't seem to be from the town asked, smiling sweetly from ear to ear.

"No, go ahead", I replied, giving a brief smile and looking at her eyes, mesmerized by how it seemed that the color would change when the disco lights changes. It was beautiful and magnificent,

'a work of art.Quite familiar', I thought to myself.

"A what?", she stated, looking at me confused, yet for that moment when our eyes met, I thought that the world were still and silent which felt like hours upon hours, but it was barely a minute when she looked away onto the crowd.

'What was that?'

"Oh~, ah--I thought that your eyes is a work of art", I restated embarrassed sipping my drink on the process, avoiding to look at her after saying a compliment she must have heard a couple million times.