Still Beating

Chapter Thirty

Hayden is quiet as we ride the elevator down to the lobby of the apartment. Aside from nodding when I asked him if my outfit is appropriate for a family dinner, he hasn't really engaged in any form of communication with me.

In his defense, I haven't exactly initiated anything either. I'm much too nervous to pay attention to any one topic of conversation. I don't know what I'm most nervous about. I'm worried about myself, wondering how I'll feel when I'm in the house I've been in many times before, but always with Ethan. But I'm also scared to see his family. To see how the lives of the ones closest to him have been altered forever.

"Do you want the heat on?" Hayden asks quietly once we're inside the car.

I nod, shivering. It's a cold evening in early November. The dark sky is completely clear save for the chill in the air.

I tell Hayden the Clarkes' address and he puts it into his phone's GPS. Their house is less than a half-hour away, but it feels much farther than that. Their affluent neighbourhood is a far cry from the university town.

Once he's turned onto the Clarkes' street, Hayden drives slower.

"It's this one, number thirty-five."

It looks the same as I remember. Seeing Ethan's home hits me like a physical thing.

Hayden nods and pulls onto the curb. The ignition stays on.

"I know you said you don't want to impose, but trust me, Karen really wouldn't mind having you."

I wouldn't mind having him there. In fact, I'd prefer it.

"Karen, that's his mother, right?"

"Yeah."

"You'll be okay, Sienna. Try to enjoy yourself."

I nod.

"I'll text you when I'm ready to be picked up?"

"Of course."

Hayden watches me as I inhale a deep breath. He grabs my hand and gives it a squeeze. Without overthinking it, I open the passenger door and give Hayden one last look. I'm wearing a jacket, but the air is so frigid that I have wrap my arms around my body as I walk up the steps to the Clarkes' door. Hayden is still idling in the background when I knock on the antique wood.

I don't wait long until the door opens, revealing a middle-aged woman with curly brown hair.

"Sienna!" Karen Clarke says, pulling me into a hug.

I fall right into her, eyes pinched shut as my head rests on her shoulder. This was supposed to be a simple hug hello and yet I'm close to crying. Karen smells the same as I remember. She also looks the same. Floral wrap dress and red lipstick, and yet there's something missing, like the light inside her eyes has been dimmed, but maybe that's only noticeable to me.

"It's good to see you, Karen," I sniffle. I haven't called her Mrs. Clarke since the day I met her and she claimed it made her feel old.

"Look at you," she says, holding her arms out, "You are as cute as ever!"

"Oh, come on, Kare, please don't monopolize our guest," a man says.

Richard steps into the foyer and gives me a warm handshake and pat on the shoulder. Seeing Richard smile feels like seeing Ethan smile. Did I ever realize before how much he looked like his father?

"It's such a cliché thing to say but Sienna, it's been a long time," Richard says.

His gaze is serious. There's a double meaning in his simple words. It has been a long time. Several months since he's seen me and since Ethan died. But has long enough passed for us to be healed?