Still Beating

Chapter Twenty-Two

I'm sure Josh is much more surprised than Michelle, but I don't know for certain because I haven't looked at him yet.

I'm still lying on Hayden's bed, my knees bent and my arms outstretched behind me. Hayden's standing near the edge of the bed, his hands balled into fists at his side. His heavy breaths are the only sound in the room.

"I guess I'll give you guys a minute alone," Michelle says eventually, looking at me to make sure it's alright. I nod, giving her the okay.

"Come on, Hayden," Michelle says, waiting for him at the door.

He shakes his head. Even in moments like these, he's stubborn as hell. I don't believe this guy.

"Hayden! Please, leave for a minute. I'll tell you when you can come back." I try to reason with him. Make him see I'm not kicking him out for good.

He evaluates my offer and nods.

I can tell by his facial expression that Josh disagrees with me, but he keeps his mouth shut. The memories of Hayden pounding his face in are probably too fresh for him to say something against him.

When Hayden finally leaves the room and I hear footsteps to know that he's not standing outside the door, I signal for Josh to sit down at the desk. I don't want him standing and myself sitting. It gives him a weird power advantage. I'd stand as well, but I don't have the energy to.

Josh bites his lip and looks so guilty it makes me want to tell him that everything is okay. But it's not. And it's his doing, not mine. This is his mess to clean up, so I let him.

"I guess I can't really be mad at you for what I just saw, can I?" His smile is small.

"No," I answer simply. I pause. "Can I ask you something?"

Josh's eyes widen. There are so many questions I can ask, so many answers I don't have. But the one question I say is probably the last one on his mind.

"Josh, how's your grandmother?"

Josh's face falls flat with defeat. He squares his shoulders, ready to deliver the truth, finally.

"She's been dead for about two years now. Both of them have been, actually."

"I see." And that's when the tears begin to stream down my face.

"Sienna, I—" Josh stands from his chair. I put my hand out to stop him.

"I have more questions." I grab a tissue from the side table and blow my nose. "Do you make out with all your cousins?"

"I think you know the answer to that." He looks at me drily.

"Actually, I don't. It feels like I don't know anything. How could I? All this time I thought I knew you!"

Josh sighs. "Holly's not my cousin. She's my...girlfriend."

"Which girlfriend is she?"

His eyebrows furrow. I clarify.

"Is she the one you're cheating with, or cheating on?"

Josh rubs his hands over his face.

"It's a simple question, Josh, and I deserve the answer to it."

He nods quickly and studies the floor for a beat too long.

"I met Holly last summer in Scarsdale, a week after exams were finished. Her family had moved in to the house beside mine. We had an instant connection, but I swear, we didn't do anything that would make me unfaithful...at first. I thought she was just a nice, pretty girl but the more time I spent with her, the more I liked her." He swallows. "My God, I really hate myself for saying this to you right now, but I planned to break up with you, I really did. In fact, the day after I decided that, you called me. I was going to tell you then, or at least meet up with you to do it, but...but..."